Two Ghosts
by wheresmynaya
Summary: It's been 5 years since Santana and Brittany have spoken but when someone unexpected requests their assistance, a lot of old feelings come back to light. Caution: This is a slow burn. Very loosely canon until Diva and inspired by Harry Style's Two Ghosts. Some Unholy Trinity and definitely Brittana
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Guess who's back! I've been trying to hold off posting this until February for Brittanaversary but I'm too excited. Let me know if this is worth continuing; I'm a little rusty. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 1

Judging by the light that streams in through the edges of Santana's curtains, it's way too early for her liking but the incessant buzzing of her phone against the nightstand is too hard to ignore. She's so exhausted from the night before; she hates working doubles, but the money is decent so she sucks it up a few nights a week.

She swats at the screen without looking in hopes of snoozing the alarm she must've accidentally set to AM instead of PM. It takes three attempts before the buzzing stops. Santana sighs in relief and snuggles deeper into her pillows.

" _Hello?_ "

Santana's heart jumps and she picks her head up slightly from the pillows. She recognizes that voice, a familiar blonde she once knew. Then again, maybe she's dreaming.

" _Hello?_ "

She's definitely not dreaming and realizes the voice is coming from her nightstand. She rolls on to her back with a groan, refusing to open her eyes as she brings the phone to her ear.

"This better be good, Fabray." Santana grumbles although she is genuinely curious as to why Quinn of all people is calling her out of the blue. She couldn't remember the last time she spoke to her. Matter of fact, she can't remember the last time she spoke to anyone from the Glee Club days.

" _After all these years, you're still not a morning person?_ "

If Santana's eyes were open, she'd roll them, "Are you calling just to check because if you have to ask then it's way too early."

" _It's 11:45,"_ Quinn chuckles down the line.

"So?"

Quinn's voice turns solemn, " _I assumed you've heard the news already, but I guess not_."

That tone piques Santana's interest, she remembers it well from the day her father told her that her abuelo had cancer and her mother had the same tone when she told Santana she and her father were getting a divorce. Several things rush through her mind all at once and it causes her to sit up.

"What's happened?" Santana finally musters the courage to ask. She tries to fight the images of another blonde she used to know from surfacing and all the tragic possibilities because she shouldn't be the first person she thinks of, no matter how long it's been since they've spoken.

" _It's Coach Sylvester_." Quinn says and the name is yet another blast from the past, " _She passed away yesterday._ _The funeral is Sunday."_

Santana's jaw drops and she's overcome with a mix of emotions; some of relief because _Sylvester_ wasn't the name she was expecting but also grief because despite the amount of shit Sue put her through while on the Cheerios and in Glee Club she had her moments. Sue taught her how to be hardworking and to have drive and be disciplined in the most unconventional ways and she wouldn't have met Quinn or-

Santana stops and swallows thickly; that's the second time she's thought about her today, the most she has in awhile.

She decides later that night, after thinking long and hard whether or not a trip to Lima, Ohio is worth not flying her mother up for Christmas, that she really wouldn't be the person she is today without Sue and the right thing to do is pay her respects.

She wonders if others from her squad will be there too, one Cheerio in particular, and that curiosity might've been what swayed her decision.

But mostly to pay her respects, at least that's what she tells herself as she books her flight.

\\\

If you had asked Santana in high school where she pictured herself in five years, working late nights as a singing waitress at the Spotlight Diner, scraping gum from underneath tables and barely making ends meet wasn't really what she had in mind.

Then again, she didn't really have a game plan in the first place but rather two things she was certain of: She would be living in New York and she would be with Brittany.

In a way, she somewhat got it right: she lives in New York and- Well that's about it. She found a tiny apartment that's kind of cute if you close your eyes and she has a job that she generally enjoys most of the time and she even transferred her credits from Louisville and finished her Business degree despite having a really hard time deciding whether or not she should.

But she did it anyway and she found herself a community of people who are like her and appreciate her and it all should make Santana feel accomplished, like she really is doing something with her life, but she can't help but feel like something is missing.

Or rather _someone_ , but that _someone_ isn't an option anymore.

She stopped being an option the day she told Santana to follow her dreams. Santana didn't know at the time that the conversation that took place back stage in the auditorium would also be the last time they'd speak, but that was unintentional. She had every intention of keeping in contact with Brittany, updating her on how things were going and sometimes just to talk because even though New York is filled with people it can get pretty lonely, but it was too hard for Santana to go back to being just friends, as if they ever were. She couldn't compromise Brittany and Sam's relationship, no matter how much it hurt her to see Brittany with someone else.

And it wasn't like Brittany was reaching out to her either, so it kind of just stuck. When Santana walked away that day, that was it. She vowed to move forward with her life and never look back.

\\\

Santana's mother, Maribel, picks Santana up from the airport late Thursday night with a kiss on her cheek and a warm hug Santana hadn't realized she had missed.

"Welcome home, mija." Maribel says as she pulls away from the hug, "You look thin. Did they feed you on the plane?"

Santana shakes her head as they begin walking towards baggage claim, "There were snacks, but I'm not very hungry."

Maribel gives a disapproving look, similar to Santana's abuela, and back when she was a teen she used to hate that look, like she couldn't take care of herself or something, but now it makes Santana chuckle. Now she knows that's how they show they care.

"I'm fine, Mami, really." Santana assures and that seems to appease Maribel who begins to smile again.

It doesn't take too long for Santana's suitcase to topple out onto the conveyer belt and soon enough they're loaded up in Maribel's little SUV and headed home. Santana stares out the window at the passing cars and buildings that were just the same as they were the last time she was in Lima.

It's hard to believe that was nearly five years ago to the day.

Santana doesn't realize she's dozed off until Maribel is gently nudging her to wake up. When she hops out of the passenger seat, she shivers a little, not expecting it to be colder than before when they left the airport, and she quickly moves to roll her bags inside.

She hadn't expected there to be much change as she walked through the door and there isn't. Everything is exactly how it was when she left and she finds comfort in that. It's not until she makes her way to her room that she realizes she isn't too fond of how unchanged some things really are.

She had forgotten how dark her room was, how Maribel let her get away with picking out such dark wallpaper she'll never know, but she missed all the space. She could probably fit her entire apartment in New York in her bedroom in Lima. But her room was a lot emptier than it used to be; she took most of her clothes and shoes with her to New York so all that was left was furniture and a few knick-knacks and-

Her eyes fall on a bedazzled picture frame on her desk, home to an image of two girls, with beaming smiles on their faces, so completely in love. Santana remembers that day like it was yesterday; the day they became official. They were at the annual carnival that came around every summer and they had spent the evening wasting money on rigged carnival games and stuffing their faces with cotton candy and funnel cake and riding every ride at least twice. It was nothing but laughter and love, the best day ever.

Santana was the one to ask; she waited until they reached the very top of the Ferris wheel. She couldn't remember a time she was that nervous but afterwards, she couldn't imagine why. Despite being terrified of heights, Santana focused on shimmering blue eyes and suddenly the rest of the world fell away. Nothing else mattered that night; she didn't care about the talks and the looks, just her.

They were already so in love.

 _What happened?_

Santana blinks herself back to reality, fighting a strange lump that forms in her throat. She's in Lima for barely a few hours and she's already taken a painful walk down memory lane. She had been doing so well over the years, barely ever giving that girl in the picture a second thought because she promised herself she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't let herself reminisce because that led to thinking of all the possibilities of what they could've been and that was too painful.

Wishing and hoping for something that was clearly not meant to be.

Things are different, the girls in that picture are just two ghosts now so what's the use in dwelling on the past?

She takes a deep breath and gently lies the frame down before moving to unpack and get ready for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** **Thank you guys for all your kind reviews! I'm glad you're interested and I'm hoping to keep up with the quick updates. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 2

One thing Santana remembers about Lima and knows won't ever change is how much of a small town it really is and she can't risk being spotted because honestly she can't deal with the possibility of Rachel Berry ambushing her at the grocery store and busting out in song. She doesn't even know if Rachel's still living in Lima but if there's one thing she's certain about it's that she still can't stand the diva so it's better to be safe than sorry.

So instead she spends the next day helping Maribel out around the house and staying inside as much as possible.

It's not until Quinn surprisingly sends her a text early Saturday afternoon asking if she knew what she was wearing to the funeral that she considers leaving the safety of the house. Santana ultimately decides maybe it's time to venture out; besides, she doesn't really have anything to wear anyway and she's kind of curious as to why Quinn's suddenly speaking to her again. Not that there was some angsty falling out between the two that kept them from talking over the years, they literally just grew apart as soon as Quinn left for Yale, but Santana's still curious.

She wonders if Quinn's also been in contact with the third member of their little trio, but she tries to not worry too much about that as she sets off to get ready.

Quinn offers to pick her up which Santana's grateful for because her little Honda isn't what it used to be and she really should've sold it off years ago because she doesn't need a car in New York but she can't bring herself to do it. Too much sentimental value she guesses.

When Quinn texts her that she's about five minutes away, Santana's suddenly anxious. Quinn hadn't said it would be just the two of them; What if _she's_ there? What if Quinn invited her without letting Santana know and now she's about to have the most uncomfortable car ride of her life?

She pulls herself together just as she hears Quinn pull into the driveway. She checks herself in the mirror one last time, steadying her nerves, and heads out the door.

She's relieved to see the passenger side is empty and Quinn's giving her a little wave. A little part of her deep, deep down is disappointed that it's just Quinn but she would never admit it.

When she gets in the car, Quinn lets out an uncharacteristic squeal of excitement and leans over for a hug. Santana's surprised by all the physical contact, she can't remember a time she and Quinn ever hugged when they were teens, but she doesn't point that out. She isn't the only one who has changed over the years apparently.

It's a twenty minute ride to the mall and they spend the time chatting away about what they've been doing with their lives since they left. It's no surprise that Quinn also hasn't been back to Lima in quite some time, three years to be exact, and they bond over how oddly similar the surroundings are and how weird it is that nothing's changed. Santana finds Quinn is easy to talk to now, easier than she was in high school but she guesses that's because the weight of maintaining their popularity statues and juggling Glee Club and Cheerios has been lifted.

They spend the next couple of hours browsing in different shops before they each find dresses they're happy with and choose to celebrate with a stop at Starbucks. Once they've ordered, they find a small table in the back corner and set their bags at their feet. As their names get called when their orders are ready, Santana thinks how she can't believe she's managed to go a whole afternoon without Quinn touching on a topic Santana has been hoping to avoid.

But of course, she's jinxed herself and as she takes the first sip of her coffee, Quinn finally asks the inevitable.

"So how long has it been since you spoke to Brittany?" Quinn asks and Santana kind of hates how her palms instantly heat up and her chest tightens at the name.

Santana finds herself reverting to her old ways of denial and shrugs, "What makes you think it's been awhile?"

Quinn purses her lips in true Quinn fashion but her words don't drip with disdain like they used to. Instead, she just smirks, "Well, judging by how clueless you were when we spoke the other day, I figured she hadn't told you about Sue which would mean you two aren't joined at the hip anymore. I mean, who do you think told me about the funeral?"

Santana's surprised and wonders if they've kept in contact over the years like she should've.

"We don't talk very often, maybe like once every few months but it's just texts or messages on Facebook." Quinn says as if she knew that's what Santana was thinking, "Until she called me about Sue. That was the first time I had actually spoken to her on the phone in years. I can't believe she didn't call you first."

Santana shakes her head, "I can."

"That's surprising."

"Not really, a lot has changed." Santana tells her and Quinn eyes her curiously.

Clearly, she and Brittany haven't talked about much if Quinn didn't know about them. She hesitates, wondering if she really wants to go down this road or if she should just change the subject but there's something about being back in Lima and sipping lattes with Quinn in a Starbucks that's so familiar and it makes Santana actually want to tell her what happened because Quinn wouldn't know anything. She was long gone before things between Santana and Brittany got complicated.

Well, even more complicated.

But it's been five years and she doesn't want to look pathetic still hung up on her high school sweetheart, so she opts to keep it simple.

"Long story short, we didn't work out." Santana finally says attempting to sound nonchalant.

"Well obviously," Quinn sighs with a roll of her eyes, "Or else she'd be here right now, right? What really happened because the last time I saw you both, you were inseparable. I thought the next time I'd see you it would be for a wedding, not a funeral. "

Santana nods, Quinn's words hit a soft spot for Santana, because she thought the same thing once upon a time but it's not an easy answer to give. Even she doesn't know quite what happened to her and Brittany. One thing led to another then to another; she sang that stupid song and broke Brittany's heart, then Brittany broke hers right back when she chose Sam Evans over her, and all the while it was obvious they were still in love with each other but they couldn't be together because timing or whatever. Santana screwed up and she didn't fight hard enough to get her back and she lost her.

How was she meant to explain that to Quinn? As if just thinking about her mistakes didn't break her heart all over again?

"Things just didn't work out, Quinn, let's leave it at that." Santana finally says and her tone makes Quinn soften and nod.

"Alright, I'll drop it." Quinn tells her and she quickly changes the subject to Sue and how there's a million rumors floating around about how she died because no one knows for sure and it's all very strange but so typical of Sue to cause that last bit of drama in her passing.

Once they finish their drinks, they head back to Santana's where Quinn offers to pick her up again tomorrow so they can ride together to the funeral, but Santana politely declines. She likes this new version of Quinn, but she doesn't want to overdo it. Quinn gets it and she gives her another hug goodbye before driving off.

When she gets inside, she's instantly met with the scent of fresh baked banana bread and Maribel calling out a greeting from the kitchen. Santana calls out to her but heads upstairs to hang her dress up first. She's a little exhausted from all the socializing and she sits at the edge of her bed for a moment, replaying the day in her mind and her talk with Quinn.

She glances at the picture frame on her desk, still faced down, and sighs. She feels like she's taken one step forward and two steps back by returning to Lima and she hasn't even seen Brittany yet.

But tomorrow will change that. Santana assumes Brittany will be at the funeral considering she's the one who told Quinn, but you never know. Maybe she's not even in Lima, maybe she was just passing along a message that someone else had told her? Nevertheless, Santana stays rooted at the edge of her bed for a little while longer, trying to mentally prepare for all possibilities.

She reminds herself that a lot has changed in five years and she has to be ready for whatever comes her way.

She tries to remind herself that she just has to stick it out for two more days and she can return to her life in New York where she can once again put this town and all the memories behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

On the day of the funeral, Santana finally attempts to start her little Honda that's been parked in the garage for way too long despite Maribel offering her car for Santana to use. It takes her three tries and plenty of furious pumping of the gas pedal before the car rumbles to life and she sits there patting the dashboard, thanking her for starting.

There is a surprising amount of people at the service: from reporters to news anchors Santana recognizes from TV, old teachers and other coaches from high school, and a mix of Sue's family and friends. Santana even recognizes Becky Jackson from afar, dressed in an all black track suit, her eyes puffy and red, as she cradles Sue's iconic megaphone in her hands. Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury are there as well and just seeing them really brings her back to her high school days.

Subconsciously, she scans the crowd for Brittany with a mix of anticipation and dread but she spots a different blonde instead. Quinn's standing alone towards the side and Santana quickly makes her way towards her, avoiding eye contact as she passes others in hopes of being unrecognizable.

They stand together in silence as several people close to Sue go up to speak, but it's not until Becky begins that Santana starts to feel tears at the corners of her eyes. Becky's voice cracks every so often as she talks about how much she looked up to Sue and it looks like she's barely holding it together. Santana can't imagine what that must feel like, to lose your best friend forever. Her mind drifts back to Brittany and although they aren't speaking she at least knows Brittany's somewhere out in the world living her life and it's so much better than the alternate.

A couple months after she had moved to New York, after a night of attempting to drown her sorrows with a bottle of vodka, Santana thought about what she would do if she ever got the call about Brittany. She didn't understand why her mind drifted in that direction, but she knew she couldn't picture life knowing Brittany wasn't around. Not like how it was with Santana in New York and Brittany in Ohio, and Santana struggling to acclimate without Brittany around, because she managed to do that. It wasn't easy, but she found a way.

But with Brittany gone completely? Santana couldn't cope with that.

She didn't touch vodka for an entire year in hopes that she'd never have that thought again.

\\\

It's not until the speeches are finished and everyone begins to leave that Santana finally sees _her_.

She's got her blonde hair braided back into a bun and Santana watches with awe as she tucks a lose strand of hair behind her ear. Even considering the circumstances, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks never looked so beautiful on someone. She's stunning in her midnight blue button up and black sheer skirt, but the dark colors are so misplaced on the blonde. She's used to Brittany's usual mix of quirky patterns and bright colors, but she reminds herself that they're different people now and maybe her style has changed now too.

Or it could just be that they're at a funeral and dark colors are usually the dress code?

Regardless, Santana can't take her eyes off her as Brittany wades through the crowd, she just can't get over how close she is to her, the closest she's been a long time. She feels her whole demeanor shift in her presence but she can't help it, Brittany has always had that effect on her.

Suddenly she has the urge to move closer, to break all the rules she's made for herself, and make contact. Maybe just to say hi? Maybe just to count one last smile?

But then a taller blonde catches up to her, still ever so trouty, and he pulls a handkerchief from his suit jacket pocket and hands it to Brittany. She gives him a small smile and dabs under her eyes and Santana's heart lurches. She can't believe Sam Evans is still in the picture after all this time. How could he be any better than she was? It should've been her there to console Brittany and let her cry on her shoulder, not Sam _fucking_ Evans.

Santana remembers telling Brittany the last time they spoke that she wanted her to aim higher than Trouty Mouth because Brittany deserved the whole God damn world and even though Santana couldn't give her that at the time, she knew for a fact Sam wouldn't do any better. And sure, maybe that last visit was fueled by a tiny little bit of jealous because it was Sam and Brittany didn't even have the decency to tell her about them herself and that hurt.

If Santana needed to be around people who are like her and appreciate her, so did Brittany.

But apparently not.

Santana begins to fill with a mix of rage and hurt and she sort of wants to run off and cry and maybe scream at some loser but then she feels a nudge from Quinn and she's able to look away.

Once again, she's thankful she has this new version of Quinn by her side.

"There's a luncheon at the community center," Quinn mentions as Santana's eyes settle on her, a little dazed. She can tell that Quinn's noticed who she was staring at and she's grateful for her attempt in distracting her, "Not really up for it, how about you?"

Santana wonders if Brittany and Sam would be there then decides she doesn't want to find out. Maybe she's being a little petty, but she couldn't think of anything worse than to be in the same room as them.

She shakes her head, "Sounds lame. Let's get drunk instead."

Quinn lets out a laugh, "I think it's still a little early for that. How about brunch? I'm craving bacon."

Santana rolls her eyes but follows after Quinn as they head back to the parking lot. Other than seeing Brittany and Sam together, she's kind of proud that she was able to dodge running into anyone she knew. She just didn't want to deal with answering all the questions and explain what she's been doing this whole time and why Quinn is beside her and not Brittany.

She rather be invisible.

But sadly, she isn't.

She finds that out the hard way when their path crosses with Brittany and Sam's because of fucking course they would run into each other.

She tries to turn away and quickly duck behind a group of people walking by, but it's too late. Piercing blue eyes zero in on her and she's frozen in her place, there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Her feet feel like cement as she tries to remember all the lines she practiced in the mirror the night before incase this moment were to happen, but her mind goes completely blank.

Quinn glances to her side and sees that Santana's a deer in the headlights.

"Jesus, Santana." Quinn half-jokingly chastises, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Santana just gulps. In a way, she kind of has.

Brittany and Sam near and she's glad Quinn's cheerfulness overcompensates for Santana's awkwardness.

"Hey Brittany!" Quinn greets first as she leans in for a hug. Brittany smiles and it's another blow for Santana, because she's still so perfect, but blue eyes keep shifting from Quinn to her. Quinn pulls away and squeezes Brittany's shoulders, causing Brittany to avert her eyes and look at Quinn again, "It's been so long."

Brittany nods, eyes flickering from Quinn to Santana again then back to Quinn, "It really has."

"Hey Santana. Hey Quinn." Sam greets next from behind Brittany and leans in towards Quinn for a hug. Santana almost forgot he was there, but he looks at Santana a little wearily and Santana kind of finds strength in that. He quickly directs his attention to Quinn as he says, "It's good to see you. How have you been?"

Quinn's answer is drowned out as Brittany steps around Sam and moves closer to Santana. Her heart is racing and she feels like she's about to pass out, but Brittany smiles shyly at her again and the world stops.

That's the second smile so far.

"Hi." She says timidly.

"Hey Britt." Santana replies, the nickname tumbling from her lips effortlessly.

They stand there in silence, the awkward tension between them so thick that all the other conversations around them drown in it. Her lips part, but nothing comes out. After all these years, Brittany's still able to turn her to mush and Santana kind of hates her for that.

But not really, she could never truly hate her.

She suddenly has the need to hug her, but that might be too much too soon and Sam's right there and that might be crossing a line or something.

But it's just a hug? And at one point in time they were best friends so it shouldn't be that big of an issue? Then again, they were _more than_ friends at one point in time too.

It's all so very sudden and it's too much for Santana to work through all at once. She's still taking in all the subtle changes in Brittany; the little smile lines that have deepened and the tiny wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. She wants to say something, anything to end the awkward silence but she's struggling to form the words so they just stare at each other, the weight of the past five years weighing heavily on their shoulders.

"So uhm..are you guys going to the luncheon?" Brittany manages to ask.

"We weren't going to." Santana answers and notices how Brittany's smile falters.

"Oh." Is all Brittany says as she nods then looks back to Sam, "I think Sam and I are just going to say hi to everyone then maybe go to Lima Bean."

Santana nods too, "That's cool."

"Yeah."

Another round of awkward silence settles around them, Santana focusing on _Sam and I_ and it really starts to take a toll on her how they're still Sam _and_ I. Who would've thought they would've lasted this long? Santana sure didn't and that makes her feel like kicking herself because that could've been her. Maybe?

Quinn turns away from Sam and gives Santana this analyzing look. She stares back but Quinn's already saying something about a nail appointment she and Santana had scheduled that they should really be heading off for.

Santana doesn't remember scheduling any nail appointment though, but she's thankful for the way out.

"Well it was nice seeing you, Santana." Brittany says and Santana hadn't realized she missed the way her name sounds leaving those lips.

"You too." Santana replies and she itches to reach out and touch her, to see if this is really happening or if it's just a dream.

Brittany smiles one last time, the third one she can add to her list, before saying her goodbyes to Quinn and then she and Sam turn away in the direction of the parking lot. She can't help but feel a familiar twinge of pain as she watches her leave once again. It's too familiar for her liking and she sucks in a deep breath to ground herself.

"Is it still too early for that drink?" Santana questions, jaw tensing.

Quinn lets out a shallow breath and pats Santana's shoulder, "I think we've earned an early start."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hey guys! I've seen a few reviews that are questioning my plans with Brittana and are worried that this is turning into a Bram/Quinntana fic. I'd like to take the time now to remind you that, although it's a spoiler, Brittana is most definitely, 100000%, always ENDGAME. Thank you and enjoy!**

CHAPTER 4

Santana had been so used to the city life that she had forgotten how finding a spot for a drink in Lima at barely noon was nearly impossible. The only place open is Breadstix and she wouldn't really characterize that as a bar, but there's alcohol and the patio is open so they find a spot outside in the sun and order wine and a bowl of fries.

"Now this is a classy combo." Quinn points out as the waitress comes around with their order and begins pouring wine into her glass.

"Leave the bottle." Santana says once the waitress finishes filling her glass. She remembers she should be polite and looks up apologetically, "Please."

Quinn shakes her head, hiding a laugh, and steals a fry, "I didn't think you were serious about the getting drunk part."

Santana just sips her wine and leans back in her chair, "I didn't think I'd run into my ex-girlfriend and the guy she dumped me for."

"Fair enough." Quinn shrugs and goes to sip her wine too, "I can't believe it's been five years for you two."

Santana nods as she thinks about the so-called progress she thought she made over the years, "It's this town. There's too much history here. I can't wait to get back to New York and feel normal again."

"I didn't know it was that bad."

Santana looks at Quinn over the rim of her glass, brow arched in question.

"You two must've had a _brutal_ break-up because the only time I've seen you guys half as awkward as that was back in like sophomore year?" Quinn explains and Santana instantly knows of the time she's talking about; now _that_ was rough. "You've had arguments and fights before, but it's never lasted this long."

"Yeah," Santana answers and finishes her glass in record time. Quinn's eyes go wide but Santana's already topping up her glass, "Don't really feel like talking about it."

"I can see that." Quinn says and sips at her wine again.

They end up talking about the funeral and how many people they spotted and how different they looked or how unchanged, the topic of Brittany and Sam never making its way into the conversation again because they both know they don't want to open that can of worms.

They talk about staying in contact this time around once they return to their lives because like Santana, Quinn also finds it a little lonely in New Haven. They talk about possibly visiting each other since Quinn's never been to New York and Santana's never been to New Haven and it can't be that long of a trip.

The bottle is nearly empty and the last of the fries are cold when Quinn gets a call. She looks at the number on the screen with furrowed brows before answering. Santana tries not to listen but a series of looks Quinn pulls has her intrigued. There's mention of Santana being with her currently and that she doesn't know where Brittany is then there is a lot of _yes, okay, sure_.

When the call ends Quinn's brows are still furrowed and she says something Santana hasn't heard in years:

"Principal Figgins wants to see us."

\\\

They spend the next hour sobering up since they both drove separately. They wonder what their old principal could possibly want with them, but they don't come up with any reasonable explanations.

Quinn leads the way and as they pull into the WMHS parking lot, Santana spots Brittany just getting out from her car. Quinn parks next to Brittany and Santana pulls in next to her but she kind of wishes she lagged a little behind so she would've had more time to prepare for the second interaction with Brittany of the day. Maybe this time she won't embarrass herself by making a complete fool of herself.

"Figgins called you too?" Brittany asks as the three of them meet in front of their cars.

"Yeah, not sure what this about though." Quinn answers and looks up at the building, "It's so weird being back here."

Santana agrees, but there's a certain look on Quinn's face and Santana can't tell if she's talking about school or Lima in general.

They walk inside and subconsciously fall into their usual order; Quinn in the middle with Santana and Brittany flanking her, their steps in unison as they walk the halls they once ran. Everything looks the same still, a popular trend in Lima, and Santana is instantly taken back to the time she spent there. As they round the corner, Santana spots the lockers she and Brittany used to share and remembers all the times she spent working through her feelings there: the innocent flirting, the pep talks, the confessions, the hurt, the dirt, the kiss. It's all just a distant memory now.

The secretary welcomes the girls and directs them inside where Figgins awaits, a large TV set up behind him.

"Good afternoon, McKinley alumnus! Please have a seat." He greets a little too loudly but the girls say their polite hellos and take their places in the chairs set out before him. "I am delighted you have accepted my invitation but I am sure you are wondering why I have asked you here today as you are no longer my students and do not require my guidance and supervision."

They nod in unison.

"In the passing of our beloved Cheerios Coach, Sue Sylvester, I have been assigned one last task. Please direct your gaze to the television screen behind me." Figgins says robotically and presses a button on the remote sitting on his desk.

The screen flickers on and the image of Coach Sylvester fills the monitor. She sits at her desk, a number of trophies displayed behind her, a look of determination spread across her face.

"Lady Ta-Ta, Q, Tweedle-Dumb." Sue addresses and Santana cringes at the nicknames, "If you're seeing this, it means I am no longer of this Earth and I have sent for you to gather once more. Why have I interrupted your inevitably boring lives you may ask? Well, despite how I may have treated you over the years, whether frowned upon or not, you three have always been the shining stars of my squad and I have yet come across Cheerios that embody an ounce of what you three do."

Quinn looks between Santana and Brittany in amazement, Sue rarely gave a compliment let alone directed at them.

"Sandbags, Other Blonde, you both were my most valuable soldiers however questionable your loyalty was and no matter how exhausting your Sapphic drama was to endure, the two of you were talented and that carried the team and I have not forgotten that. And Q, I've always thought of you as a younger version of myself: ruthless and stoic. But now, in my last hours, I have spent the time reflecting on my glorious life and I am saddened with the thought that my legacy will not be carried on. That is why I have summoned you three here today, my Unholy Trinity, because on this day I request something of you."

Sue pauses and Santana scoots to the edge of her seat, hanging on every word. It's all over the top and the drama is so unnecessary but Santana can't stop watching. She's genuinely intrigued but also afraid of what Sue could possibly want with them. In high school, they were made to do horrible things to their friends, to each other, and Santana couldn't imagine having to do that again.

"In my untimely demise, I leave behind a squad worthy of greatness. A squad in need of mentoring and guidance, and without the tutelage of one Sue Sylvester, I have no other choice but to rely on the next best thing. In fact, due to your greatness that could've only been attained by my doing, you all are kind of in debt to me. Because of this, I have selected the three of you to carry on my legacy. I have no doubt that you will excel and bring in one last National trophy. My proposition is: for one school year, I ask you to coach my Cheerios in exchange for-"

"I'm sorry, did she say _coach_?" Santana interrupts and jumps to her feet, "Oh _hell_ no. No, no, _no_. I did not sign up for this. No thank you."

"Santana, hold on." Quinn tries but Santana's already halfway out of the office, the video continuing to play without her.

Quinn and Brittany share a knowing look before directing their attention back on the screen.

A little while later, Quinn finds Santana in the hallway, pacing, and Brittany trails a little behind with a worried look on her face. Santana doesn't notice though, she's too wound up from the video.

"Who the hell does she think she is? Am I supposed to drop everything I'm doing and return to this shithole of a town to do _her_ a favor? It's one thing to come back for a funeral, I'm not that much of a heartless bitch, but I am _not_ putting my life on hold to fucking coach a bunch of entitled, snotty teenagers."

They watch as Santana continues to rant, switching in and out of Spanish, before she tires herself out and slumps against the wall with her arms crossed.

"Are you done now?" Quinn asks, unfazed by the tantrum.

Santana rolls her eyes in defeat, "Maybe."

Brittany covers a smile with her hand and that makes Santana soften a little more.

"I'm just as thrilled as you are with this surprise," Quinn starts and looks to Brittany, "We both are, but if you would've listened to the entire video, you'd hear that Sue would make this job worth our while."

Santana drops her arms and tilts her head to the side, "What do you mean?"

"Apparently Sue is willing to pay us a pretty hefty sum in exchange for this one last favor." Quinn tells her and Santana instantly thinks of her tiny apartment in New York and all the second-hand furniture she's acquired throughout the years and the student loan she's still working to pay off.

"How much are we talking?"

"Enough." Quinn answers, " _More_ than enough, I'm talking more than a coach should realistically be getting paid, and there's a bonus if we place at Nationals."

Santana's eyes widen, that's definitely more than she makes at the diner and she could really use that money to knock out a big chuck of her student loan debt. She hesitates a bit before asking, "Are you going to do it?"

Quinn looks to Brittany and nods, "Brittany and I have agreed to give it a shot."

Santana glances over to Brittany who stands a little off to the side of Quinn. She's been quietly watching the whole time with her hands in her back pockets.

Brittany looks back at her and shrugs, "I think it could be kind of fun. Besides, it's not like I have anything better to do."

Santana frowns; _fun_ isn't the first word that comes to mind but the money is really tempting and it's hard to think straight when Brittany's giving her more reasons to join.

She also wonders why Brittany wouldn't have anything better to do; as if she's not some successful journalist or choreographer or photographer or whatever Brittany loved doing. She realizes she doesn't know anything about Brittany anymore, not even what she's been doing for work over the years.

Quinn looks to Santana expectantly, "It's only for a school year.."

"And that's not even a whole year." Brittany adds and it almost sounds like she's trying to coax Santana into doing it.

Santana looks between Quinn and Brittany and she can't believe she's actually considering the job, but it means being around Brittany more and she doesn't know if she can handle that. There's a lot of history there and not much closure and it's probably for the best that Santana just heads back to New York where she belongs.

Then again, it's just a job offer and she could keep things professional between them. That could work? She could last the year then head home for good?

She thinks about the money again and how much it'll help in hopes of distracting her from the way Brittany is looking at her, a hopeful glint in her eye.

"Do you want to sleep on it?" Quinn asks, "We can't really do it without you though, we're the Unholy Trinity, we need you. But if you need some time to think about it then go ahead."

Santana looks between them again thinking about how she can't remember the last time she felt needed and there is an unmistakable pain that Brittany doesn't need her in the way that she used to need Brittany. It's strictly for the money and although that reality hurts, Santana finds a little comfort in that. There would be no room for confusion or feelings or anything. It's just a job.

So she sighs and pushes away from the wall she had been leaning on, "Okay, fine. I'm in."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Santana returns to New York Tuesday morning and sets out to organize the move back to Lima. There's still three months until the school year starts, so it gives her enough time to get herself sorted. She works extra shifts at the diner in order to afford having to break her lease which she's kind of pissed about and totally forgot was a thing, but it's fine. She slowly sells or donates the few belongings she has until the apartment is as empty as it was when she moved in. She looks around and she's suddenly a little sad that she has to start all over in a year.

She's not expecting it, but when she puts in her two week notice at work, her coworkers are surprisingly sad that she's leaving. On her last day she finds that they've pulled together and throw her a little going away party with a cake and a card and everything. Santana can't help but smile because she didn't know how much she actually liked these people and they apparently liked her too. She tells them she'll be back in a year and they wish her good luck on the journey home.

\\\

It's a bit of déjà vu when Santana lands in Ohio two weeks before the new school year is set to start and Maribel is there once again to greet her. Santana had decided that she'd forgo looking for an apartment and would spend the year living at home instead. Maribel wasn't opposed at all, since the divorce and Santana moving away, she felt kind of silly living alone in such a big house.

With the school year just around the corner, Quinn organizes an afternoon with Santana and Brittany to discuss how they'll tackle the year. Apparently, she's already been in contact with Figgins and received a number of binders filled with lesson plans Sue accumulated over the course of her coaching career to help them figure it out.

But of course, Santana's little Honda picks now to refuse to start and of course Maribel is at work so she can't even borrow the car. She sits parked in the garage cranking the engine over and over in hopes that it'll start and she won't arrive to their first official meeting super late.

Fifteen minutes later and it's not looking good. She thinks maybe it's a sign, maybe fate laying a hand and giving her one last opportunity to realize she's making a huge mistake.

She sends a quick text to Quinn to let her know she'll get there as soon as she can before giving the car a break. She pops the hood to take a look at the engine before realizing she has no idea what she's looking for exactly and slams it shut. Huffing and puffing, she slumps back in the driver's seat and thinks.

Maybe this really is a sign?

She waits another ten minutes before giving it another try.

Miraculously, her little Honda starts up just fine. She makes a mental note to take it in for a service with her first pay check and pulls out of the driveway.

Once she finally gets to Lima Bean, Santana races inside to look for the others. Quinn and Brittany are sitting in a booth near the windows and she quickly makes her way over.

"Sorry I'm late," Santana says before she's barely made it to their table. She sees the blondes sifting through various folders and papers and she instantly feels guilty for making them wait on her. She's frazzled and a little stressed as she says, "My piece of shit car hates me."

"Don't worry about it, we've just been catching up." Quinn assures her but it doesn't really get through to Santana.

"Have you guys ordered yet? I'll buy." Santana offers, feeling the need to make it up to them.

"Oh, you don't have to." Brittany interrupts as Santana digs in her purse for her wallet.

Santana hesitates and glances over at Brittany; she still can't believe she's there and she still doesn't really know how to act around her. It's like she's constantly walking on eggshells and she doesn't know why.

"I'll take you up on that offer." Quinn tells her and spreads out an array of folders and files before looking up at Santana with sickeningly sweet grin, "My usual, thanks."

Santana rolls her eyes playfully, "Sure, Q." Then she looks back to Brittany and softens, "You sure you don't want anything?"

Brittany pauses before nodding, "I'm okay, thanks."

Santana gives a small smile in response, "Alright, I'll be back."

She moves through the line quickly and gets her and Quinn their usual lattes and decides to get Brittany a hot chocolate despite her not wanting anything. She remembers a time when Brittany would never turn down one so she hopes that hasn't changed either, she just felt wrong getting Quinn something and not her.

"Your latte." Santana says, placing the cup in front of Quinn.

"Thank you." Quinn smiles and slides a stack of files to the middle of the table, "Apparently Sue has a file on all the members of the squad. Check it out."

"Creepy." Santana jokes and sets a cup in front of Brittany, "I got you something anyway. It's a hot chocolate. You don't have to drink it though if you don't want to."

Brittany looks surprised and smiles shyly at Santana, "Thanks Santana, I love hot chocolates."

Santana just returns the smile, trying hard not to stare; the sound of her name makes her stomach flip just like it did when they first spoke at the funeral.

She takes a seat next to Quinn, just to be safe, and pulls a file from the stack, flipping it open and staring hard at the words typed across the top since suddenly she can't remember how to read. At the top right corner is a small picture of a young girl with bronze skin and light brown hair pulled tight in a high pony. Her gleaming smile and high cheek bones and light brown eyes scream perfection but there's a familiar expression Santana recognizes but can't quite place.

"That would be the captain: Madeline Spencer," Quinn states, looking over Santana's shoulder at the file, "She made varsity her Freshman year and captain the following which has never been done. She's good, like really good. She already has several colleges wanting her and she's only a Junior."

"Woah, that's intense." Brittany breathes out, using her straw to scoop whipped cream off the top of her cup.

Santana quickly averts her eyes to the next file just as Brittany brings the straw to her lips. She doesn't think she could handle watching the way Brittany's tongue moves around the straw.

They read through the rest of the files together for the next hour and a half, trying to memorize who is who.

"So I was warned about this one." Quinn says as she flips open the last file, "Alexandra Carpenter."

The attached picture is of a young girl with cream skin and freckled cheeks, eyes a gleaming green and her strawberry blonde hair pulled tight in a standard high pony. But unlike the other pictures of girls with perfect, beaming smiles, this particular girl sports a cocky smirk.

Santana flicks through the pages and laughs, "Holy shit, is she related to Puckerman? Look at this track record!"

Quinn shakes her head, "She should've been suspended multiple times over behavioral issues but apparently she's one hell of a gymnast and a bit of a genius so everyone's been looking the other way."

"So she's a little asshole and makes straight A's?" Santana chuckles, "I think she'll be my favorite."

"Until she has a tantrum." Quinn teases, "You can be the first to deal with her."

"Fine. She'll get a visit from Auntie Snixx." Santana defends and Brittany begins to laugh, "I'll go all Lima Heights on her."

"We're educators now," Quinn says, "We can't do that. We have to be professional."

"Tell that to Sue." Brittany replies, "She wasn't exactly a saint."

Santana nods in agreement, "True. Remember that one time she made me slap myself with a chicken cutlet?"

"She made you slap me too!" Brittany chips in before turning to Quinn with a serious tone, "We could've got salmonella."

Quinn just sighs, clearly outnumbered, "Well we'll cross that bridge if it comes to it. For now, let's look over these lesson plans. I think the season schedule is in here somewhere as well."

Santana and Brittany exchange a knowing look without realizing it before Quinn continues rambling on, but Santana's stuck on how easy it is to fall into their old rhythm of teaming up against Quinn and how well they bounce off each other. It scares her a little, but she doesn't want to ruin their time by over thinking and over analyzing the little things. She knows how she and Brittany work, how easily things can go from innocent friends to something more, but she's going to be careful this time around.

She's not going to let it get to that point, not this time.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Things will start to pick up from here so get ready! Thank you for continuing to read and review! 3**

CHAPTER 6

Coaching a high school cheerleading team ends up being way harder than Santana thought. Most of the squad is pretty disciplined, as disciplined as a bunch of teenagers can be, but there is one that sticks out from the crowd. In fact, she kind of feels sorry for all the teachers and coaches that had to deal with her when she was younger but Santana would've been a breeze compared to Alexandra Carpenter.

At their first encounter on the day of the first practice, Santana nearly put Alexandra, or _Alex_ as she not-so-politely corrected her, in a head lock but Quinn and Brittany were too quick to hold her back. The attitude, the sass, the snark all remind Santana of her younger, more rebellious self. What makes it even worse is that Alex is probably the most talented gymnast she's ever seen. Everything she does is effortless and executed with precision and Santana kind of hates her for it because Alex really does have the talent to back up that huge ego of hers.

In addition to dealing with Satan's spawn, there's also Brittany. Santana's struggling so hard to be normal around her which worked for a week but being civil is a hard concept for her to grasp when she finds Sam waiting around for Brittany after practices. She doesn't want to call it jealousy, but rather a combination of annoyance and aggravation because _seriously? Sam Evans?_

Her thoughts go on a joyride and she can't fight the hurt that creeps back just knowing that she could be so easily replaced. She never thought of herself as the greatest girlfriend in the world, that title was Brittany's, but she didn't think she sucked so much that Sam was a better option. Sometimes she's able to remind herself about the money though and how she only has to get through the school year and that eases her mind just a little, but sometimes her thoughts get the better of her. Each day the balance tips a little more to either side and it gets increasingly harder for her to control her emotions.

However, no matter how well she tries to keep her cool, Santana is only human and she has limits. So when Alex calls her a _tired old hag_ on their fifth practice, which caused Snixx to make an appearance, Santana inevitably, lands herself in the Principal's office.

"I am very disappointed to have to call you into my office like this, Ms. Lopez." Principal Figgins says with his arms crossed over his chest as he frowns at Santana with Quinn and Brittany flanking her, "You cannot threaten a student; I shouldn't have to be having this conversation with you. Do you know how upset the Carpenters are?"

"Whatever, that little demon started it." Santana tries but Figgins shakes his head.

"I don't care! You are a coach, you're meant to uplift the children." Figgins argues, "Set the example! Be a role model. Not threaten them with-" He looks to his secretary, "What were the words?"

"Razorblades hidden in her hair." She answers with a scowl in Santana's direction and Figgins snaps his fingers and slams his hand on the desk.

"Yes, that! Do we need to call TSA in here to inspect?" He asks, waving his hand at Santana's pony tail.

"She's not boarding a plane." Quinn cuts in, "That's not necessary. There's nothing even in there. Besides, Alex was way out of line disrespecting a coach like she did."

Santana tries to maintain her composure even though she feels so small as they begin to argue around her. It weirdly takes her back to when her parents would fight when they thought she was asleep and it makes her chest ache. She tries to bite her tongue to prevent herself from digging a deeper hole, but it really isn't fair. The kid is the antichrist!

"A threat is a threat and it will be treated as such." Figgins replies and turns his glare back on Santana, "I take my students' wellbeing very seriously. You know the Carpenters are requesting that I suspend you? This puts me in a very difficult position, Ms. Lopez-"

"I swear if you tell me your _hands are tied_ -" Santana grumbles but Quinn elbows her and gives her the _shut up_ look. Santana swallows the rest of that sentence and starts again, "I'm sorry but saying you care about your students' wellbeing is a load of bull! If you cared so much about these kids, you wouldn't have been letting Alex breeze by undisciplined all this time just because she's kind of smart and can do some cartwheels or whatever."

"She is a national champion!" Figgins clarifies but Santana just rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, so am I. All three of us are but what does that matter?" Santana argues, "What do you think will happen when she gets out in the real world and finds out people don't turn a blind eye in real life? That will fall back on you and this place. You're meant to be preparing her for the real world and you're not so excuse me for trying to pick up your slack."

Figgins sighs at a loss for words.

"I am _not_ an educator, I'm just here because Sue is, _was_ , apparently loaded and you didn't bother hiring anyone else and she must have some dirt on you because how is this even legal for us to be here? I don't have any experience in teaching and I don't know how to deal with these brats, so yes, I will slip up sometimes. I agree with you that I may have handled some things wrong, but cut me some damn slack. I'm trying my hardest here." Santana says and quickly stands, "If that's not good enough then I'm out."

She's just about to turn and leave when Brittany reaches out and grabs her wrist. Santana looks down at pale fingers wrapped around her, the touch burning her skin, and then looks at Brittany in confusion.

"What are you doing?" Santana questions quietly but Brittany just gives her this pleading look before letting go to face Figgins.

"Santana doesn't mean that." Brittany says and that surprises Santana because what does she know? Santana looks at her with furrowed brows but Brittany only stands as she continues, "The kids like her. She's good for them. I can tell she cares about them because giving tough love is how she shows that and these kids need someone to care about them."

All Santana can do is blink as Brittany speaks to Figgins.

"You call threats tough love?" Figgins questions but Brittany just shrugs.

"Sue used to say way worse things than Santana and she had been teaching for like 100 years without any repercussions so it's a bit hypocritical for you to come down this hard on someone who has literally been winging it this whole time."

Santana's shocked but she can't understand why Brittany would stand up for her, she barely says a word to her unless it pertains to the squad but now all of a sudden she's willing to defend her?

"You don't need to do this." Santana says to Brittany but it goes unnoticed.

"Brittany's right." Quinn adds and stands as well, her hands moving to rest at her hips, "You need us and if one goes, we all do. Good luck finding a replacement at this time of year."

Figgins lets out a deep sign, "Fine, stay. But if I hear one more complaint, that's it! I don't care if Sue's spirit haunts me until the end of my days, the deal is off and your services won't be required any longer."

"This won't happen again," Quinn nods, "I assure you."

With that, the three leave the office. Santana's fuming still and a little confused as to why Brittany of all people came to her defense. Quinn and Brittany decide to let her cool off on her own and head back to the field to clean up.

Santana makes her way to her car for a little privacy and protection from all of Brittany's stares. She racks her brain for a reason why she'd stick up for her when they're not exactly friends. Things aren't how they used to be and she doesn't need her fighting her battles.

A little while later, Santana spots Quinn and Brittany coming off the field with their duffle bags. She feels a little bad that she didn't help clean up, but then she sees Sam exit his car and wave to Brittany and suddenly the balance she's been trying to keep steady finally tips. Santana watches as he jogs up to her and offers to take her bag and Santana feels the need to gag. She quickly looks away and goes to start her car, in hopes she can speed off and not have to suffer seeing anymore, but of course the engine doesn't turn over.

She slams her palms on the steering wheel and yells, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Now she really feels like she's about to burst into tears at any minute and she squeezes her eyes shut tight thinking it'll make the feeling go away as she twists the keys one more time.

But the car refuses to start again.

"That is it! I'm done with you," Santana beats her fist against the wheel, "I'm gonna sell you so fast. You just wait!"

In a fury, she gets out of the car and slams the door behind her before lifting the hood. Again, she has no idea what she's doing and she thinks how she's reached a new low and her day couldn't get any worse.

But again, she's spoke too soon as she hears footsteps near.

She peeks over the edge of the hood hoping it's Quinn or Figgins or even Alex. Just anyone else other than who she's pretty sure it is walking over.

Sadly, she's right and as her eyes land on Brittany looking concerned as ever with Sam closely behind she knows she's finally hit rock bottom.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Hey fam! So you might have noticed I lost the streak and if you are following me on tumblr you might already know why.. I had about 4 chapters disappear on me and a ton of editing work not save so I've been super bummed lately and have sorta lost the motivation/energy to rewrite what I lost. I potentially was going to finish up the story on Brittana's Anniversary as my contribution this year but things have been delayed. This will also delay how often I update since I'm not really ahead of you guys anymore. Anyway, thank you for reading and being patient!**

CHAPTER 7

"Need some help?" Brittany asks, her tone even.

"I'm fine." Santana lies which makes Brittany roll her eyes tiredly.

She nods behind her and tries again, "Sam's been helping out at Burt's shop for a while now, maybe he can take a look?"

Who knew such a simple statement could pack such a punch? Not Santana but Brittany's words have her hurdling over the edge.

"Of fucking course." Santana grumbles and she can't stop the words from bubbling up as Brittany's reaction turns to confusion, "Of course he'd be here and of course he's _suddenly_ a mechanic. Of _fucking_ course!"

Sam frowns and looks between Santana and Brittany, "I was just trying to help?"

Santana lets out a sigh and laughs mockingly at the sky, "Of course you were!" She lets her arms drops to her sides and looks to Sam who has no idea what's going on, but Santana's too far gone to care. It's been a terrible day, a terrible month, a terrible five years, and it's all coming to head now. She winds up again, voice dripping in sarcasm, "Because you're Sam Evans, knight in shining armor swooping in to save the day! Well, guess what? I don't need you so you can fu-"

"Stop it." Brittany orders and at first she looks hurt but that quickly disappears as she turns to Sam and softens, "Sorry Sam. Can you give us a minute, please?"

"Yeah, sure," Sam nods and gives Santana one last look of uncertainty before turning away.

Santana rolls her eyes and crosses her arms protectively over her chest.

Brittany steps closer and Santana can tell she's angry just by how her eyes narrow and the tips of her ears turn a light shade of pink. She's seen this Brittany only once before, back when she had gifted Santana a shirt with the word _Lebanese_ on it in bold print and Santana couldn't bring herself to wear it. Brittany was so fed up with her that day, but she could understand why. It must've been hard loving someone who didn't love themselves yet.

But now, what's Santana's excuse?

Brittany waits until Sam is out of earshot before she whirls on Santana with her hands on her hips, "What the _hell_ is your problem, Santana?"

Santana isn't used to Brittany's tone, but she's too hurt and annoyed to cower from it. "Just leave me alone, Brittany," She says and tries to open her car door but Brittany pushes it closed in an instant.

She looks at the hand Brittany has pressed against the door frame then up at dark blue eyes.

Santana gulps.

"No. You don't get to snap at everyone then run away. That might've worked before and maybe it still works in New York but you don't scare me." Brittany replies angrily, "I want to know what your problem is because you've been acting weird for weeks now and I'm done with the whole Katy Perry act."

"What are you talking about? What Katy Perry act?" Santana huffs and crosses her arms again in defense.

"You know. You're hot and you're cold." Brittany explains, "Sometimes you look at me like you can't stand me and other times it's like you-" Brittany pauses and searches Santana's eyes for the missing words, "It doesn't matter. The point is, I've been nothing but friendly to you so I don't get why you've been acting so..so mean."

"You _know_ what my problem is, Brittany." Santana replies defensively, "Don't act like you're innocent in all this because you aren't. You're smarter than that."

Brittany's eyes widen a little at Santana's statement but then she just shakes her head, "Well, apparently I'm not because I have no clue what's going on. Why else would I be asking?"

Santana reaches another limit of the day because why is Brittany acting so clueless? The fact that she's making Santana have to put it all into words is ridiculous and it only makes her even angrier.

Santana's jaw tenses and she blinks back tears that threaten to escape as she finally lets go, "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're still with that-that Lima loser. Do you think it's easy for me to come back here? Back to this town? I lost everything here, it barely feels like home anymore. I knew what I was getting myself into when I left New York but I didn't think it was going to be this hard. To see you with-" Santana swallows dryly, "You think it's easy for me to be around you? To see you around with him? God, Brittany, you could've done so much better!"

Brittany looks at Santana in disbelief. She's quiet for a long time before she finally asks, "So all of this, because of _Sam_?"

"Of course it's about him!" Santana says like it's obvious, "Hasn't it always been about him?"

Brittany shakes her head and says simply, "No, it was about us. At least, that's what I thought."

Santana freezes at the word _us_. There hasn't been an _us_ in a long time. But she holds her ground, "Well, you have a funny way of showing it."

"Why are you doing this?" Brittany sighs, "I don't get it. What's the point of digging up the past?"

"Because I'm hurt, Brittany." Santana exhales and her voice breaks, "I'm hurt because you still choose him even after all this time. It makes me feel like complete shit knowing I can be so easily replaced. I would've given you everything, if you just gave me a little more time or-" Santana's lips part but the words aren't there. She stops in inhales deeply, "You were it for me, but you don't care about that do you? God, you could've been with anyone else in the entire world and I wouldn't have cared but not him. You deserve so much better than Sam Evans."

Brittany's jaw drops a little and she takes a step back, seemingly hurt, "So that's what you really think of me, huh? I'm just some heartless bitch without a care in the world."

Santana cringes at the words that Brittany calls herself, but she just shrugs in response.

That causes Brittany to let out a sarcastic laugh.

"How on Earth was I supposed to know that's how you felt, Santana? Am I suppose to read your mind? You're gone for _five years_ and without a single word and you expect me to know this is how you feel?" Brittany laughs again and her shoulders drop, "Did you ever think that maybe _we_ were the problem? Maybe we weren't the ones trying hard enough and that's why we didn't work out before?" Brittany asks and it makes Santana eye her guiltily, "Probably not, because you were too busy finding someone else to blame: Sam, a stupid energy exchange, Elaine, whatever." Brittany pauses for a moment but her voice cracks as she speaks, "I would've given you everything too, Santana, but you can be so completely clueless sometimes."

That confuses Santana and she finds the nerve to speak again, "What? So now it's all my fault? I'm the one that ruined everything?"

"You're still missing the point!" Brittany sighs exhaustedly.

Santana rolls her eyes, "It doesn't matter now. You have Sam and what's done is done."

"Why are you so stuck on Sam?" Brittany runs her fingers through her hair before setting her hands on her hips and looking to the ground, "Don't you think it's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black?"

"What are you talking about?" Santana questions.

"You and Quinn? You think I didn't notice?" Brittany questions, "You two are always together now. But I'm an adult and I can still treat people with respect and kindness-"

"Unlike me?"

"That's not what I'm saying." Brittany argues, "I'm saying you can't guilt trip me when you're doing the exact same thing!"

"I'm not fucking Quinn!" Santana growls, "We aren't dating, we're not even hooking up. We're just friends and that's it. I would never go there, ever."

Brittany pauses and they stay silent for a moment too long. She shakes her head as her shoulders drop again, "What should I have done then, Santana? Should I have put my life on hold for you? Should I have waited for you to pull your head out of your ass, yet again? Should I have sacrificed any chance at happiness for one last chance with you?"

Santana bites her bottom lip; Brittany's got a point.

"You can't possibly believe that it was my intention to hurt you?" Brittany asks but Santana can't think of a response, "It was you and me for so long and then all of a sudden it wasn't and now you're here and it's like this. You don't think all of this is hard on me too? You don't think I'm hurting just as much? To be this close to you and know that nothing is the same anymore?"

Santana stays quiet as Brittany pauses to take a deep breath, "At Sue's funeral, it was the first time I had seen you in five years. _Five years_ , Santana. You don't know how bad I just want to reach out and hug you. You have no idea how much I've missed you, how much I've missed being around you and hearing your voice, but everything's different now and I can't do anything about it."

Santana begins to fiddle with the hem of her top. She feels even worse than before, as if thinking taking out her frustrations on Brittany would make her feel any better. But everything's coming out now, the past five years, they're all crashing down around them and the only thing Santana can do is take it.

Brittany stops and gives Santana this defeated look, "You were my best friend too, Santana, and you just left me behind. _Again_."

"No." Santana interjects, "That's not fair. You told me to go and that's what I did!" Santana argues, "I did exactly what you wanted me to. I went to New York and I followed my dreams. I met new people and made new friends and found a community just like you told me, so don't put that back on me. I did what you asked of me."

"Did you?" Brittany questions, "Because I don't remember agreeing to go five years without speaking."

It's Santana's turn to laugh mockingly at the sky, "Unbelievable." She looks back at Brittany, "You were in a relationship! What was I supposed to do?"

"Call me," Brittany returns, "Text me? Email me? Write me a damn postcard? I would've been fine with a DM on Facebook! Anything would've been better than nothing. Just because he and I were together didn't mean you stopped being my best friend. It didn't mean I stopped caring about you."

"How pathetic would that have been," Santana says, every word filled with sarcasm, "To still talk to my ex even though she dumped me? No thanks."

"I didn't _dump_ you, remember? You dumped me. But if you're talking about the auditorium, that's different." Brittany replies.

"How is that different?" Santana questions, "I was obviously still in love with you and you just pushed me away."

Brittany pauses again, blinking tears back, "It hurts, doesn't it? To be pushed away by someone you love." Brittany says and Santana's instantly brought back to the first time she confessed her feelings for Brittany. Brittany bites her lip and her tone softens, "I couldn't hold you back anymore. I wasn't ready, I hadn't even graduated yet, and you would've stayed and we would've been stuck here and you would've resented me for it. I-I couldn't let you do that to us. I had to push you away."

Santana stops; it's the first she's heard of that reasoning.

"It was hard for me to tell you to go, Santana, don't ever think that it wasn't, but you had to do it." Brittany tells her, "You needed to get away from this place and see the world. I have some regrets, but not this. I'm not going to apologize for sending you on your way."

Santana's stunned and says softly, "That wasn't your decision to make."

Brittany just looks to the side and blinks back the tears, "Just like breaking up with me wasn't your decision to make. Over what? An _energy exchange_? What even is that, Santana? You didn't even give me a chance to fight for you."

Santana swallows hard because Brittany's right, but she chooses to focus on the somewhat present, "Then why didn't you call? Maybe I was wrong for not reaching out first, but what about you? You didn't call, not even once, either. Hell, you couldn't even call to tell me about Sue. I had to find out through Quinn. So this isn't completely my fault. You could've made the effort too. But it's whatever now. I'm still paying for all the mistakes I've made, aren't I?"

Santana trails off because why are they even arguing about this, it's too late now to do anything.

But Brittany just frowns, "Clearly, so am I."

Santana swallows dryly as she sees a tear roll down Brittany's cheek. She hates that she's caused her pain yet again but she can't help herself, "Maybe this coaching thing was a bad idea. You and Quinn will be fine without me. I should just go back to New York where I belong."

The words leave her lips in barely a whisper and she doesn't even know if she truly believes in what she says but the words escape her.

More tears roll down Brittany's cheeks, but she quickly wipes them away. Her bottom lip trembles as she says, "If that's what you want then maybe you should go."

Santana looks to the ground as a mix of guilt and shame wash over her, "I don't know what I want."

"Yeah." Brittany mutters and her tone is so off that it causes Santana to look up, "It was stupid of me to think we could pick right up from where we left off."

Then she turns and begins to walk away.

That cuts Santana a little too deeply, she wasn't anticipating Brittany to agree, and she wasn't expecting her to leave her standing there yet again.

But Brittany stops in her tracks and turns to face her once more. She takes a shaky, deep breath and bites her bottom lip.

"For the record, before we go another five years without speaking or whatever," Brittany begins but her eyes a red and she's struggling so hard to keep the tears at bay, "Actually, never mind. Goodbye, Santana."

With that, Brittany turns again and walks away.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Thank you guys for all the love and for your understanding! It really pushed me to continue (this was one of the chapters I lost so sad) so here's an update for Valentine's Day. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 8

By the time Santana gets home, it's just after sundown. She had sat in her car after the argument with Brittany and just stared out the window for what felt like hours. She couldn't remember a time she felt this horrible. She kept replaying the way Brittany looked at her when she said goodbye; as if it was truly their last one.

She can't decide if that feeling in the pit of her stomach was guilt or regret, but as she continued to playback Brittany's words over and over in her mind she decides it's both. She just feels so terrible for how things went down and now, she has no idea how to fix things.

If she even can.

There's also that little part of her that begs to know what Brittany wanted to say, but she doubts she'll ever find out now.

When she gets inside, her body feels so sluggish. Everything hurts for some reason and Maribel notices immediately as Santana slumps onto the couch in the living room. Maribel eyes her curiously from the other end and puts down the book she had been reading.

"Rough day on the field?" Maribel asks.

"Something like that." Santana mutters and pulls the throw blanket that rests over the back of the couch to cover her legs.

Maribel gives her a concerned look as Santana swipes at her phone.

"The girls on the squad behaving?" Maribel tries again but Santana just shrugs.

"Besides the reason why I don't want kids aka Alex being her usual self, everyone was fine." Santana answers and she doesn't even have to look up from her phone to know Maribel's trying to figure her out, she can just feel it.

"This isn't about Brittany, is it?" Maribel asks and Santana kind of hates how intuitive her mother can be. She had learned early on that nothing gets past her.

"No, it's not about Brittany." Santana lies, "It was just a bad day. I'll be okay."

Maribel pats Santana's feet over the blanket comfortingly, "Well you can talk to me, mija. Whatever's the matter, I'm here."

Santana peeks up at Maribel and gives her a small smile, "Thanks, mami."

Maribel just hums her response as she gets up and heads to the kitchen, "I made rice and beans, Abuela's recipe. I'll make you a plate, rice and beans can cure everything."

Santana nods although her mother's already out of the room. She's been so caught up in thinking about Brittany and how the day panned out that she hadn't realized her stomach was rumbling. She's thankful for the plate Maribel offers and they spend the rest of the night watching whatever reality show is playing on TV.

It's almost enough to distract her from her thoughts, but she's grateful for the peace, even if it's only for a moment.

\\\

The next day Santana awakes, she spends the morning contemplating returning to New York. She told Brittany she was considering it, but in reality what was she going to go back to? She didn't have a job or an apartment to return to and not much money saved up since she pretty much drained her account by moving back to Lima. Truth is, she was stuck here and the only way out was to continue coaching the Cheerios.

She knew she had to make nice with Brittany, or at least keep things civil because they're basically coworkers and they needed to be united when coaching the Cheerios. They couldn't stress working together and being a team to the squad if they weren't setting the example. Still, it was a hard pill to swallow for Santana because it meant she needed to apologize.

Unless Brittany didn't want anything to do with her and honestly, Santana wouldn't blame her if that was the case. She never really took Brittany's feelings into consideration when it came to what happened to them and their relationship. Not that she didn't care about her feelings but because she really didn't know. Santana figured that she was fine because she had Sam and she never really said otherwise. Then again, Brittany's always been really good at covering up her feelings.

If Santana was bad, Brittany was worse.

People knew when Santana was upset; hallways would part and everyone would keep their distance. But Brittany? She only let you in on how she was feeling when she wanted to and that wasn't very often. Brittany could be very straightforward and blunt when it came to how she felt, but she also kept a lot inside.

Regardless, they needed to reconcile for the sake of the squad.

\\\

Santana arrives to WMHS earlier than usual and isn't surprised when she finds that Quinn and Brittany's cars aren't in the parking lot. She decides to take a walk with nowhere in particular in mind, she just needs the extra time to clear her head. She had been too nervous to message Brittany beforehand because what she needed to say couldn't be done over a text. However, she had no idea what to say. How could she apologize for the past five years? What could she possibly say that would make everything okay again? She was at a loss.

She finds herself inside the school; classes haven't quite ended yet so the halls are still eerily quiet. She's still getting used to the fact that she doesn't have to abide by the teacher's rules and she can wonder the halls without fear of getting a detention. In fact, _she's_ the one giving the detentions out. Not that she has yet, but she's pretty sure she as the power to now considering she's sort of a teacher.

She's just past the science hall when she spots her head Cheerio, Maddy, exit a classroom just ahead of her holding a bathroom pass that Santana can't believe is still a thing. She thinks about saying hi but she doesn't want to be on Mr. Schue's level of being friendly with students, so instead she just keeps quiet and continues walking. Suddenly another familiar Cheerio exits a classroom on the opposite side of the hallway; it's her arch nemesis: Alex. She thinks about calling her out for ditching class but something intriguing happens: Alex catches up to Maddy, their fingers tangling, and then they disappear behind a door.

Santana walks a little faster because she doesn't remember there being a bathroom there and by the looks of it, she doubts the school has had any remodels since she was going. If her memory is correct, the door should actually lead to-

Santana stops at the door she remembers all too well and smirks as she reads the plaque with dusty gold letters: Janitor's Closet.

"Horny kids." Santana chastises, though she can't fight the smirk creeping up. She remembers how she and Brittany were back in the day; it was like they couldn't keep their hands off each other and the janitor's closet was one of the few places they could escape to.

She's so surprised by the pairing but at the same time she wonders how she could've missed it. Now when she looks back on the short time she's spent around the squad so far, she should've noticed how Maddy is the only one to keep Alex in check and their dynamic is way too familiar.

She decides it's kind of creepy waiting outside the door while the girls do who knows what, so she continues on walking. She checks her phone for the time and sees classes should be letting out soon and she shouldn't be in the hall when it does unless she wants to get trampled.

She doesn't head to the choir room on purpose, but that's where she finds herself a little while later. She flicks the light switch and the room illuminates and a sudden familiarity washes over her. She drags the tips of her fingers along the dusty piano as her eyes dance around; who knew a room could hold so many memories. She thinks of all the lessons she learned, the songs she sung, and the dances she danced. Her eyes fall on the back row of chairs and her minds drifts further; the number of smiles she counted.

She takes a seat in the front row and sighs. Sue may have honed her work ethic and drive but in this room she learned how to dream.

It's also the place where she broke the heart of the only person she's ever loved.

"Oh my," A voice shakes Santana from her thoughts and she looks up to see walking in, sweater vest and all, "Santana Lopez! What an honor to have you back in my choir room."

Santana finds herself smiling as she stands and gives her old teacher a hug, "Hey . Sorry for crashing."

"No, don't be! I'm just here to grab these," Will says as he walks over to pick up a stack of sheet music on the shelf, "I must've missed you at Sue's funeral but I've heard you, Quinn, and Brittany have started coaching the Cheerios. That's great! It'll be nice having the three of you around, I was lucky with Brittany's occasional visit."

That intrigues Santana and she tilts her head in question.

Will notices and elaborates, "Brittany used to sit in on rehearsals during her breaks at MIT, help out around here sometimes. "

"Brittany went to MIT?" Santana asks, stunned, and that causes Will to look at her curiously.

"Yeah? Didn't she tell you?" He questions and Santana has to remind herself that no one really knows that she and Brittany haven't been speaking.

So she nods, "Yeah, she did, it's been such a long time. We've got a lot to catch up on. It's good working with Quinn and Brittany again though."

Will laughs as he puts the stack of papers in his bag, "You guys will do an amazing job."

"Thanks, ." Santana says, "Do you need the room? I can leave."

"No, you're fine." Will answers, "We don't have practice today so the room is all yours if you'd like. Do you still sing?"

Santana nods and says a little sheepishly, "I was a singing waitress at this diner back in New York. Turns out all those showtunes you taught us about come in handy."

Will chuckles, "Well, they are classics. I'm glad you still sing though, you have an amazing voice. It's good you still use it."

Santana briefly thinks about how she used her _voice_ yesterday with Brittany and she can't fight a frown as she remembers she'll have to face her soon.

Will eyes Santana wearily, "Is everything okay?"

Santana's throat tightens because the answer is far from yes, but she just paints on a smile and nods, "Yeah, just preparing myself for Cheerio practice. I don't know how you do it. These kids are savages."

Will bursts out laughing again as he slips his sunglasses on, "They're not so bad. I've got to run, but come by more often! Maybe you guys can sit in for a Glee rehearsal or something?"

Santana smiles, "That sounds cool, ."

Will just gives a thumbs up before walking out of the room.

Santana goes back to staring at the rows of chairs set up behind her and thinks. She thinks about all the things she's missed out on in Brittany's life, all her big accomplishments she wasn't there for and anything in between. It's one thing to go through a break up, but Brittany wasn't just Santana's girlfriend. She was also her best friend. She knew everything about Brittany and Brittany knew everything about her, but now they're strangers and that thought alone is more heartbreaking than any break up.

Those thoughts stir something deep inside of Santana. It's an oddly familiar feeling, but one that she hasn't felt in ages. She remembers the feeling she got from performing, the adrenaline rush, it was the same feeling she got from singing showtunes at the Spotlight diner or pop songs in the shower. But this feeling is different, it's a feeling that builds from deep within her. It rattles her like a quiet vibration and it settles in her chest and makes her heart pound wildly. It's a combination of excitement and pain and anxiety and it's like the only way she can relieve it is by singing.

"Ready when you are."

"Jesus!" Santana whips around in the direction of the voice, her hand clutching her chest, "What the hell?"

It's Piano Brad emerging from the shadows and settling at the piano, "Sorry."

Santana just stares in disbelief, her chest heaving, "How long have you been standing there?"

Piano Brad just shrugs, "Awhile."

Santana slowly blinks her eyes and tries to steady her breathing, "That's really creepy."

Although, Piano Brad scared the shit out of her, she wonders about his offer. She thinks about how long it's been since she sang and how long it's been since she has been accompanied by a piano and how this is exactly what she needs to calm her nerves. This is exactly how she needs to express herself when she can't find the words.

But then the bell rings and she's shaken from her thoughts and she remembers what she has to do today.

A song got her into this mess with Brittany so it probably won't get her out of it.

"Maybe next time," Santana tells Piano Brad.

He nods and rises from the stool before exiting the room without another word.

Santana just stares at him once again in utter disbelief, "So weird."

She goes to take a seat as she checks the time and notes there are twenty-five minutes until she must face Brittany. She sits there, knees bouncing anxiously as she racks her brain for ways to apologize but she struggles. What could she possibly say that could make things okay again? Brittany made some good points and made Santana see things in a different light, but what really crushes her is the way Brittany looked at her before walking away. She looked like her whole world just got rocked and Santana can't believe it was by her doing. In the past, Santana has hurt Brittany before in more ways than one: from hiding who she was to rejection to dating other people, but she's never seen Brittany look at her the way she did. Because of that, Santana wouldn't be surprised if Brittany never wants to speak to her again but she has to at least try.

Santana just sits there and watches the minute hand slowly move.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Happy 'early' Brittanaversary! Thanks for everyone's patience and lovely reviews. Ya'll are amazing and enjoy!**

CHAPTER 9

Twenty-five minutes fly by and before Santana knows it, she's heading onto the field. Brittany and Quinn are already there talking while the squad warms up and Santana feels like she could actually pass out from all the anticipation. She genuinely has no idea how Brittany will react, but she knows she has to reconcile. At least, for the sake of the squad.

Brittany's back is to her when she walks up but Santana puts on her brave face and takes a deep breath, "Hey Q. Hey Brittany."

Quinn smiles in greeting as usual and says, "Hey Santana."

Brittany remains icy, her eyes focused ahead of her as she says, "I thought you'd be in New York by now."

Quinn's brow arches in question at Brittany's tone and she looks to Santana for an explanation, but Santana remains focused on Brittany.

"Can we talk after practice?" Santana asks, forgoing responding Brittany's snarky comment and dodging Quinn's inquisitive eye.

Brittany just crosses her arms and continues to give Santana the cold shoulder.

Both of Quinn's brows arch in question this time.

Santana does her best to ignore Quinn as she fights the urge to roll her eyes at Brittany; she forgot how stubborn and petty Brittany could be when she's angry but she knew getting Brittany to talk wasn't going to be easy.

"You can't ignore me forever.." Santana mutters.

This time Brittany turns to her and dark blue eyes narrow in her direction. Brittany's glare has Santana wanting to run for the hills, but the slight redness of Brittany's eyes stops her.

"Why not? Just so you can tell me about my life that you clearly know so much about?" Brittany asks, "I'll pass. I have nothing more to say to you."

Santana falters as her heart sinks, she deserved that, but she's determined to make things okay. She rather have the awkwardness of before than the anger and hurt it has been replaced with.

"You don't have to say anything," Santana replies but it sounds more like a plea, "You can just listen and if you don't like what I have to say, you can just leave."

Quinn eyes them both curiously but she notices that some of the girls on the squad have taken an interest as well.

"Looks like you need something to do," Quinn tells the squad and gives them a glare, "Wind sprints, go!" The girls quickly disperse, and Quinn turns back to Santana and Brittany, "I don't know what you two have going on but you can't bring it here. You can't let it affect how you coach. These are teenagers, they love drama, so if you want them in your business feel free to continue but we're adults and we can be professional. Ultimately, we have a job to do so sort your shit."

Santana looks to Brittany expectantly, "Please?"

Brittany frowns slightly but nods before looking to Santana a little less angrily, "I'll give you ten minutes after practice."

Santana smiles weakly, "Thank you."

"Whatever," Brittany shrugs then turns back to watch the squad.

\\\

Two hours have never gone by so slowly for Santana, but by the end of practice the tension is so high that even the squad tiptoes around them. When Quinn dismisses the girls for the day, they're all too eager to get the hell out of there. Even Quinn packs her things quickly and barely gives Santana and Brittany a second glance before she's saying a quick goodbye and heading to her car. It's eerily quiet as Santana and Brittany pack their duffle bags, their backs to each other's.

At the sound of Brittany zipping her duffle closed, Santana stands and takes a deep breath, "Bleachers?"

Brittany stands too and nods.

They walk together in silence, the gap between them even bigger than normal, but they settle on the first step and dump their bags at their feet. Santana's heart pounds wildly as she tries to find the words to start.

She peeks at Brittany who's staring out in the distance, the setting sun turning everything golden, and tries to remind herself that Brittany used to be the easiest person she could talk to. Once upon a time she could tell Brittany anything so freely. Whatever Santana had on her mind, Brittany was there to listen always.

Although things are extremely different now, the memory is comforting and it gives Santana the courage to speak.

"So I just wanted to talk about yesterday," Santana starts and she eyes Brittany curiously for a reaction. When Brittany barely blinks, Santana isn't surprised. She just takes another steadying breath and continues, "I wanted to apologize for how I acted. I was hurt and overwhelmed and, I don't know, I guess a little jealous?"

Santana pauses because it's the first time she has admitted that last part and she takes another peek at Brittany but she remains unmoved, "I said a lot of things that were way out of line and I shouldn't have lost it at you like I did. It's just, being back here brings back all these feelings and memories that I thought couldn't affect me anymore. I thought I had moved on and I was doing better, but I guess not."

Santana glances to her side but Brittany continues to focus her eyes elsewhere. She closes her eyes as her shoulders droop, "I'm just really sorry, Brittany. I'm sorry for the things I said and how I've been acting lately. I guess I just don't know how to be around you yet, but that's no excuse. I know things aren't great between us and they're not how they used to be and I know we may never go back to being _us_ but I don't want to be the kind of exes that can't stand each other. Despite how things have turned out, I still care about you and I do want what's best." Santana pauses again and realizes that tears have gathered at the corners of her eyes. She swallows hard and lowers her eyes to her fiddling hands, "I may suck at showing it, I know, but I really do want you to be happy, Brittany." From the corner of her eye, she sees Brittany glance her way but she chooses to keep her eyes lowered, "And what I've realized from being back, is that I've missed you so much, I've missed having you in my life," Santana admits and finds the courage to meet Brittany's eyes this time. Blue eyes flickering back and forth, searching, but Santana just smiles softly, "I've missed my best friend."

At that, Brittany's lips part and her bottom lip trembles ever so slightly but she quickly looks back out at the horizon like she's trying to hide. Brittany doesn't say anything and Santana can't really blame her, so they just sit silently together looking out at the setting sun. The longer Brittany stays quiet, the further Santana's heart plummets. She didn't think of the outcome of this conversation; she didn't think of the possibility that Brittany really doesn't want anything more to do with her.

Santana nods, sort of accepting that could be a possibility, and looks out at the horizon too, "Maybe I'm too late, maybe too much time has passed and whatever we had between us can't be fixed, but I hope one day we can try again: to be friends. Even if that means being supportive of your relationship with Trou- I mean, Sam. I can totally do that. If he is what makes you happy, I won't get in the way of that. I won't make another comment about his abnormally large mouth or anything, because I'm an adult and I can be nice."

That causes Brittany to look at Santana again, but this time she's fighting a grin.

Santana looks back, perplexed, "What? I _can_. I can be nice."

Brittany just shakes her head, her smile growing, "As much as I would've loved to see that, Sam and I aren't dating."

Santana's eyes widen, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah," Brittany says, "That's not a thing. Hasn't been for years."

"B-but you guys were-" Santana stops herself as she tries to recall solid evidence, "At the funeral together?"

"I didn't really want to go alone," Brittany shrugs, "Funerals are weird. Everyone's sad but we all sort of hated Sue at some point and now we all talk about how great she was, it's just really weird."

Santana's brows furrow and she racks her brain for more proof, "He's always around after practice? He waits for you.."

"He's a part time personal trainer," Brittany replies easily, "We work out together sometimes. I get a free gym membership, it's pretty awesome. They can get so expensive."

Santana lets out a sigh as she cradles her head in her hands, "I feel like such an asshole."

"So you should." Brittany smirks but it quickly fades to a frown, "You said a lot of hurtful things, Santana, things I never would've thought you'd say to me of all people."

"I know," Santana admits guiltily, "I was just so.." Santana pauses and closes her eyes to keep from crying, "It doesn't matter, it's no excuse."

After a moment, Brittany purses her lips and says softly, "You didn't even let me explain. You just attacked."

If Santana wasn't feeling guilty before, the feeling has worsened now. All she does is shake her head, "I'm so sorry, Brittany. I-I had no idea, I just..I thought-

"No, you didn't think. You _assumed_." Brittany clarifies but her tone isn't filled with annoyance. She just speaks simply, "I shouldn't have to explain my friendship with Sam though, that's the worst part, you came up with this story in your head and you ran with it. I couldn't even defend myself and what hurts the most is that you actually thought I'd settle for Sam."

Santana looks up at Brittany but there isn't anger in her eyes.

"He's a great guy. He made me laugh at times when I didn't think I could. He was there for me when things got hard and I love him for that." Brittany explains and Santana tenses at the word _love_ because she's not ready for what Brittany has to say about him, "But I wasn't _in_ love with him. I figured that out early on and I knew it wouldn't be fair to either of us to continue if I wasn't fully invested in our relationship. I knew I wasn't out of love yet but I knew I wasn't ready to be in love with anyone else yet either. So we've just stayed friends over the years and that's all." Brittany pauses as she eyes Santana, trying to decipher her facial expression, but not even Santana knows how she feels about all this new information. She can't believe how quickly she jumped to conclusions and she remembers how hurt Brittany looked yesterday and how she felt like she was about to go off on her but didn't.

"Was that what you were going to say yesterday? Before you left?" Santana asks tentatively, "That you weren't together?"

Brittany sighs and looks up to the sky as she nods, "I thought about telling you the truth, but I didn't think it mattered anymore. You had your mind made up about me already so what was the point of explaining anything?"

All Santana manages to mutter is, "Oh."

"I really wanted to tell you as soon as he and I broke up." Brittany looks back to Santana, "That was two weeks after you left for New York."

Santana just blinks, completely stunned, "Why didn't you then?"

Brittany just looks down at her feet and shrugs.

Santana's lips just part, but nothing comes out.

"If I would've told you, you would've turned around and come home." Brittany explains and Santana finds herself tensing at the word _home_ too. She hasn't felt like she had a home in awhile, even Lima doesn't feel like home anymore. "But I couldn't do that. I wasn't ready, I hadn't even graduated, and I couldn't hold you back from moving forward. We were at two different places in life and I couldn't be the reason you had to stay. When I told you that you had to be somewhere as big and bright as you are, I meant it. I couldn't turn around and say wait for me. It wouldn't be right."

"Brittany," Santana mumbles in disbelief, "You should've told me..I-I could've, I don't know, I could've done something. I could've helped."

The corner of Brittany's mouth quirks up in a grin but her eyes are show anything but happiness, "That's exactly why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd drop everything for me and I couldn't let you do that. I had to do this on my own. I had to learn how to be without you just like you had to learn how to be without me."

Santana's heart plummets again and a lump forms in her throat, "That wasn't your decision to make."

Brittany nods solemnly, "I know and I'm sorry for that, but I did and I can't take that back now. I know you think that everything's your fault and you have this urge to fix things, but this isn't all on you, Santana. It's on me too, I am also to blame."

Santana just bites her bottom lip to will herself not to cry.

"I'd try to call but I never knew what to say so I never went through with it." Brittany adds, "I didn't want to be a reminder for you of this place. I didn't want you to feel guilty or pity me, I didn't want you to worry. You were finding your way already and I was still stuck at the starting line and I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. But I told myself if you would've ever called, I'd take that as a sign that you'd still want me around and I'd answer. I knew that was silly though so I just kept telling myself I'd call you when I was ready instead, but.." Brittany pauses as her eyes well, "As you can see, I'm still stuck here so.."

Santana's lips part but she doesn't know what to say. She hates this side of Brittany because it seems so out of place; sometimes she forgets that Brittany can be just as small and insecure. But she can't help but feel guilty for leaving Brittany alone in all this, even though Brittany says she shouldn't. She's always been Brittany's protector, she has always looked out for her growing up, so maybe Brittany's right. Santana had to go so Brittany could learn to be her own protector?

"I just studied hard so I could graduate and I worked on myself so that maybe I could catch up to you, and I tried to make it out of here but," Brittany pauses again as her voice cracks. Santana wonders if she's talking about her time at MIT since she's yet to hear about it from Brittany herself. "It was hard. We both let too much time pass. _I_ let too much time pass and now we're here, just two strangers..ghosts."

Santana heart aches for Brittany because she can hear the pain and she can't imagine what it was like for Brittany to push through alone. She has missed so much and she wonders if she'll ever catch up on those years, but she also decides Brittany is worth the wait. It's sort of eye opening to know what Brittany has thought this whole time and how she's been hurting just as much and all of this could've totally been avoided if either of them would've just picked up the phone. In a way, they both cared so deeply for each other, trying to make the right decisions for one another, that it all backfired and they ended up doing more harm than good.

They sit silently, both focused on how the sun hides behind the tree line. Brittany remains quiet and Santana just processes everything Brittany has said and she wonders how they ended up like this: two strangers sitting on a bench filled with regret and guilt.

"I can't change the past, but I hope you know how sorry I am." Santana says finally.

Brittany just sniffles and nods, "I do and I'm sorry too. I hate that we're like this, like we don't know how to be around each other. It sucks."

Santana chuckles a little, "It does." Then she wonders aloud, "So what do we do now?"

Brittany ponders a moment but then she turns to Santana and smiles, eyes watery and red, "Maybe we can start over?"

Santana smiles back, "That sounds like an awesome idea." She then holds out her pinky to Brittany, a gesture that used to come so easily for them, and asks hesitantly, "Deal?"

Brittany takes Santana's pinky in hers and nods confidently, "Deal."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - Just a short update to let you guys know I haven't forgotten about you! Thanks for your patience and enjoy!**

CHAPTER 10

Since the conversation she had with Brittany on the bleachers, Santana finally feels like she's getting somewhere in Lima. Not that she's going to start looking for a house to buy and possibly settle there, but things feel slightly normal again like she's finally feeling like herself.

Things with Brittany have also gotten better and she's so thankful for that. They might not be on the same level of friendship as they were back in school, but they're at least on speaking terms again. Santana doesn't feel on edge anytime Brittany's near which is a huge step since she has returned to Lima.

By mid-October, Santana, Quinn, and Brittany have for the most part gotten the hang of coaching the squad. They've each fallen into specific roles that play on their strengths: Quinn, the organized leader, Brittany, the creative choreographer, and Santana, the disciplinarian. With the three of them combined, they're like a hybrid version of Coach Sylvester and the squad responds well to their way of coaching.

But occasionally, the girls slip up and their usual focus is shifted elsewhere: like today.

It's the last practice before the Homecoming game taking place tomorrow night which means tonight is the first bonfire of the year. Quinn and Santana flank Brittany as she tries to run through the last few steps of the routine the squad is meant to be performing at the Homecoming game. Santana finds herself admiring how poised Brittany is when she's teaching, she's never really seen this side of her before. There were a couple times in their Glee Club days when Brittany and Mike would team up on choreography, but this is different. She's this confident leader that is able to motivate the team and uplift them to do their best without having to demean anyone unlike Sue.

Santana doesn't realize she's smiling proudly until she feels Quinn nudge her with her elbow. The blonde smirks at her and Santana rolls her eyes. She's proud of Brittany, her friend, and that's allowed.

The squad buzzes with excitement and it becomes increasingly harder for Brittany to capture their attention as practice goes on. Santana notices Brittany becoming a little frustrated and decides to offer some help.

"Focus up, ladies!" Santana says loudly while clapping her hands.

Most of the girls settle down, all but one. Santana's eyes narrow as she sees Alex continuing to talk with the girl next to her. From the mischievous glint in Alex's eyes, Santana knows she's just wants to push her buttons which usually wouldn't bother Santana because she and Alex have a slight understanding of each other. But when Alex's antics are at Brittany's expense, it crosses a line for Santana.

So she finds herself taking a step forward, the girls instantly stand a little straighter minus Alex, and she crosses her arms as she tenses her jaw.

"Care to share with the team, Carpenter?" Santana asks and Alex rolls her eyes.

"Not really, no." Alex scoffs.

"No, please. Share with your team because you clearly have something more important to say rather than listening to Coach B. I personally would love to know what you have to say because this squad's biggest concern right now is learning this routine but by some odd chance you've miraculously found the cure for cancer or how to end world hunger, please share." Santana replies and she see several girls look wide eyed at each other. Anyone in their right mind would stop there, but Alex isn't like the other girls.

"You know what, I'm so-" Alex begins but Maddy quickly scrambles to her side to cut her off. Her hand clutches Alex's wrist and Santana watches as Alex's demeanor softens instantly. Santana's just a little too far away to hear what Maddy says but whatever she does quickly calms Alex.

Alex nods in understanding and Maddy turns to the girls around them, "Let's stay focused, guys."

Santana smirks at how whipped Alex is; the relationship between Maddy and Alex is still a little secret Santana keeps but she finds it hilarious how familiar their dynamic is.

"Yes, Alex, let's." Santana adds sarcastically. Alex turns to return to her place, looking to Santana with an apologetic nod.

"Santana.." Brittany admonishes softly.

"What?" Santana asks but she knows what that look means. She remembers it all too well, so she sighs instead and takes a step back, "Okay, back to you."

Quinn just chuckles from the side of Santana, her hand failing to cover her smile.

"Shut up, Q."

\\\

When practice finally lets out, the squad practically runs off the field to start getting ready for the bonfire. As annoying as some of the girls on the squad can be, Santana kind of envies them and how young they all are. She remembers how excited she got for these events when she was their age and how important appearances were to her. She wasn't worried about paying bills or work, and sure being a closet lesbian was an extremely tough thing, but what she loved most about that age was that she could still be a kid.

"Did you guys want to ride together tonight?" Quinn asks as she lifts her bag to her shoulder.

Santana finds herself looking to Brittany for an answer, not that she's basing her night around her but rather just curious, but the blonde is too busy arranging things in her duffle.

"I wouldn't mind catching a ride," Santana shrugs and that makes Brittany look up.

"Same," She smiles, "I just need to shower first."

Quinn nods, "Me too. I'll text everyone when I'm on my way?"

"Cool." Santana and Brittany subconsciously say in unison. They both look at each other surprised and laugh.

"It's so weird when you guys do that." Quinn chuckles then says her goodbyes before heading off to her car.

Santana hangs back a little to wait for Brittany and it all feels oddly familiar, memories of their Cheerio days flood her thoughts. Back then, she and Brittany would either be heading to the showers for a quickie or going out for ice cream before heading over to either of their houses to get started on homework but they'd really spend the time trying not to make out with one another before calling it a night and going back to their respective homes but not before getting showered with tons of goodbye kisses.

Santana's heart breaks a little knowing that things are completely different now.

"I'm super pumped about the bonfire tonight." Brittany grins as she stands, her voice knocking Santana out of her thoughts, "I haven't been to one in ages!"

Santana adjusts the strap of her duffle on her shoulder and nods, "Yeah, it should be fun."

They start the short walk to the student parking lot as Brittany rambles on about what she might wear and what food she heard they'll have there. Santana just smiles at her enthusiasm.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Brittany stops as they near their cars, "I got you something. Well, technically I made it."

"Oh?" Is all Santana manages to say because she wasn't expecting any gift. In fact, she's a little shocked because she doesn't have anything to give in return and she hates receiving things without being able to return the favor.

"Don't freak out, it's nothing crazy." Brittany smirks as she catches Santana internally imploding.

Santana nods and tries to play it off, "I wasn't freaking out."

She's digging around for her car keys in one of the pockets of her bag as she looks over her shoulder again, "That's not what your face says."

Santana's cheeks burn but thankfully Brittany is too busy getting the car door open and tossing in her bag to see.

"Just a sec, I put it in here for safe keeping," Brittany says as she leans in through the driver's side to rummage through the center console.

Meanwhile, Santana has to avert her eyes because staring at your friend's ass in tight track pants is probably frowned upon and it's definitely not something she wants to get caught leering at. Instead, she goes through endless possibilities of what Brittany could've made for her but when Brittany finally does present her with the gift, Santana is wholly surprised.

In Brittany's hand is a shimmering red button with a mixture of varying shades of red, white, and black ribbons and tassels daggling from the bottom edge and the words _Coach S_ drawn on the face with white paint.

"You made this?" Santana asks breathlessly as she takes the button gently from Brittany's hand. She runs her fingers through the tassels, admiring the different fabrics and textures.

"Yeah, I still have my button maker from Senior year- my _first_ Senior year- and I remember how Coach would get the squad all the same ones but you and me and Quinn would make ours special so I thought I'd make the grown up version for us." Brittany explains.

Santana just stares down at the button in her hands in awe, because even as friends she still doesn't deserve someone as thoughtful as Brittany.

"I know it's kind of silly." Brittany mumbles and the change in her tone causes Santana to look up.

She finds Brittany looking shyly at her work in Santana's hands and she realizes Brittany might've misinterpreted all her silence for something negative.

"No way," Santana starts and that causes Brittany to peek up at her, "This is really awesome, Britt."

"Really?" Brittany asks, still a little unsure.

Her demeanor is completely different from the confident coach teaching the squad Santana witnessed earlier and it's kind of humbling to know that she isn't the only one that gets nervous.

"Definitely!" Santana assures Brittany as she holds the button close to her chest, "I can't wait to wear it tonight. Thank you for making one for me."

Brittany's back to grinning again only this time her cheeks turn a faint pink and Santana can't help but find her adorable, "You're welcome. I made one for Quinn too so we'll all match."

"Cool." Santana smiles and she realizes they're standing there beaming at each other like a couple of weirdos, but there's also this heavy feeling like there's something missing too except Santana doesn't know what.

When she finds herself glancing down from Brittany's pretty blue eyes to her lips and briefly wondering if those lips are as soft as she remembers, she quickly realizes that she knows what that missing feeling is and kiss is _not_ what friends do. Kisses blurred the lines before and she can't let it blur the lines again, no matter how bad she wants to cross that line.

So she takes a small step back as she clears her throat but the words rush out too quickly, "Okay, so I'll see you in a bit?"

"Are you okay?" Brittany tilts her head to the side as her brows scrunch and the look makes Santana want to rush over and kiss away the confusion even more, but she forces herself to keep backing away.

Friends don't kiss, Santana repeats over and over, her new mantra.

"Yeah, I-I just gotta go." Santana mumbles as she continues to back away, "I need to get ready and what not. You do too probably! So yeah, I'm just gonna-"

Santana throws her bag to the passenger seat while Brittany just stares at her. She knows she's being weird and she's not hiding it at all which makes her even more embarrassed, but she can't help herself now. So instead she just cranks the engine and prays her car starts on the first go. Thankfully, it does and Santana's lets out a big sigh of relief before glancing back at Brittany who's brows are still cutely scrunched in confusion and the corner of her mouth quirks in a half smirk. She almost feels bad for rushing off so awkwardly, but she's committed now.

So to top it all off, she gives Brittany a wide grin and throws up the peace sign with her fingers before driving off. When she glances up at the rear view mirror, she can't help but shake her head, "Smooth, Lopez, real smooth."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N - I'm so sorry for such a long wait! Uni has started up again and between that and work, I'm having a hard time finding the time to update. But! I'm slowly getting there so thank you for the patience. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 11

Santana spends the short car ride home trying to understand what the hell happened back there and vows to keep her cool in the future because this isn't the same super confident, smooth talking, badass she had become in New York. She's an adult and she should be able to resist Brittany's charm by now, not turn into the same fumbling mess she was reduced to growing up.

At least, she hopes.

The driveway is empty as Santana pulls up which means Maribel must be on a night shift and she has the entire house to herself. She rushes upstairs and quickly turns on the shower then tosses her duffle at the foot of her bed before bending down to retrieve the button Brittany made her. She admires her work once again and can't help but smile at how their friendship has evolved since their talk on the bleachers. Being friends again with Brittany is something she'd never expect to be at this time just a year ago, but as she sets the button down in a safe place on her desk, the button Brittany hand-made her, Santana is reminded of why that is.

There at the corner of desk is the picture frame she upturned ages ago. As she stares down at it, her heart clenches and she feels somewhat guilty for leaving the frame faced down for so long. One picture shouldn't carry so much meaning and it shouldn't have such an effect on her, but it does so she just stares until the steam from the shower slowly escapes from her bathroom. She blinks away her thoughts and goes to scrolling through her favorite playlist on her phone and turning on the Bluetooth speaker on her dresser.

She's not going to let her thoughts ruin her night, not this time.

So she sings her heart out in the shower and wraps up in the fluffiest towel she has before moving to her closet to decide on an outfit. Considering that it's well into Autumn, Santana should probably consider something a little warmer but that really isn't her style. She opts for a simple red cotton dress with a deep V-neck line that hugs all of her curves perfectly and pairs it with her trusty black knee-high boots. She lays everything out on her bed before moving to dry her hair and start her make up.

She's pleasantly surprised that she's nearly ready when she gets a text from Quinn saying she's on her way to pick up Brittany now who is just minutes away from Santana's house. That is, if she's still living at home with her parents? Santana realizes there's still a few things she and Brittany haven't really talked about.

She adds the finishing touches to her make up and admires her work in the stand up mirror set up next to her closet. She honestly feels a little scandalous for the outfit choice but at the same time, she doesn't really care. She's still young and hot and she's going to dress like it, even if she's technically a teacher.

But there is one important thing her outfit is missing. She walks over to her desk and delicately picks up Brittany's button before returning to the mirror. She hesitates with deciding on the right placement but it's like she's drawn to the left, just above her heart. As she fastens the button, she fights the urge to over-analyze the decision.

Quinn pulls into the driveway shortly after and Santana takes one last look at herself before heading out.

"Uhm, you do know this is a school function right?" Quinn teases as Santana slides into the backseat. True to Quinn's fashion sense, she wears a thick, deep red cardigan the button Brittany made her pinned to her left, over a white blouse and light grey jeans.

Santana rolls her eyes as she buckles in, "Don't be a hater, Q, you're the one in the grandma sweater."

Brittany just chuckles from the passenger seat. She's wearing a faded red, oversized cable-knit sweater, her own button pinned to her left side as well and her blonde hair curtains her face in semi-damp waves.

"Hey, don't be mean. I like Quinn's cardi. It's cute." Brittany comments and pats Quinn's shoulder before twisting in her seat to wink at Santana, "But you're outfit is super hot too."

Santana's eyes go wide at the compliment, she hasn't heard Brittany say something like that about her in literal years so she can't help but freeze at her words. Miraculously, Santana goes unnoticed as Brittany twists back to turn the volume up on the radio.

\\\

The parking lot is already hitting capacity when the girls arrive but they manage to find a spot near the back fence. Food trucks line the sidewalk heading towards the entry and as they begin their walk over, Brittany's already scoping out who has the best food. There's a slight chill in the air and Santana's already regretting not bringing a jacket, but she's stubborn and likes to think that she can pull off a cute dress in any weather so she suffers in silence.

Although she is a little relieved when Quinn points out a spot on the bleachers that isn't too far away from the actual bonfire. They settle on the steps and fall into their usual routine of people watching, except some of these people are girls from their squad and their significant others and it feels a little weird judging them.

"So, has anyone else noticed how close Maddy and Alex are?" Quinn says quietly as the two appear next to the bonfire.

"Yeah, there's something definitely going on there." Santana agrees, still withholding their little janitor's closet secret as if it's some unspoken former closet gay girl code.

"Do you know something?" Quinn pries but Santana just shakes her head.

"Just sensing with my physic Mexican third eye." Santana shrugs.

"That's not a real thing," Quinn chuckles and turns to Brittany, "What about you, Britt? Seen anything out of the ordinary?"

"Yeah, I've walked in on them in the locker room like twice already." Brittany answers casually.

Quinn's jaw drops and Santana bursts out laughing.

"And you're just now telling us?" Quinn gasps, "What did you do? What did they do?"

Brittany shrugs, "I wasn't going to have a whole birds and the bees talk with them, that's just weird. I just said _sorry_ and left. Honestly, they wouldn't even know I was there if I hadn't bumped into the towel bin."

Santana continues laughing as Quinn looks as scandalized as ever.

"Who even does _that_ in _there_?" Quinn says and scrunches her nose in disgust, "It smells like mold and dirty towels, so unsanitary. You could catch something just being there."

"What? As if you never hooked up there after practice or whatever," Santana teases.

"Yeah, the smell isn't that bad, you kind of get used to it." Brittany adds.

Quinn shakes her head, "No way, it's too weird. I always thought Sue had the place bugged."

"I never thought about that.." Brittany pondered quietly, "Sue was into some weird stuff."

"See?" Quinn says with the wave of her hand in Brittany's direction.

"You really took _its all about the teasing and not about the pleasing_ seriously, "Santana jokes and it makes Quinn roll her eyes.

"Shut up, did you ever?" Quinn asks and Santana finds her smile slowly fading.

Santana remembers those days after practice and everyone else had left so it was just her and Brittany. It started with just sharing a stall because the showers really are kind of gross and Santana had bribed the janitor to do a deep clean of the last stall and no one else was allowed to use it except Santana. But then she caught Brittany attempting to shower in a different stall and she couldn't imagine the germs and all sorts of diseases Brittany could catch, so they started sharing. Then one thing led to another and hooking up in the shower after practice became their special thing, because back then being in such close proximity like that was way too much to for either of them to handle. There was no way they could act anything but innocent.

When Santana blinks, she finds Quinn staring at her with her head tilted to the side. Brittany is blushing slightly, but that could just be from the cold, as she pulls in the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth. She looks at Santana sheepishly and it makes Santana feel oddly guilty. They spent so much time hiding what they were when they were younger and it makes Santana wonder how different their lives would've been if they would've just told the truth earlier. Would they have been happier? Would they have lasted longer?

Santana realizes she's falling down a rabbit hole of regret and clears her throat instead, choosing to fake a smirk.

"A lady doesn't kiss and tell, thank you very much." Santana says, trying to throw Quinn off but instead Brittany's the one that looks perplexed.

Santana looks to her as whatever Quinn grumbles mixes in with the background noise. She can't really interpret what Brittany's thinking and it makes her wonder if she's messed things up again. But was she supposed to say Brittany was the only one she ever hooked up with in the locker room or continue to keep that a secret as well?

"So is anyone else starving? I'm starving, how about we get some food?" Quinn says a little louder, "I'm thinking a burger. What about you guys?"

Santana just bites on her bottom lip and looks deep in thought as she stares at the dancing flames of the bonfire.

"Uh, I was thinking nachos but I don't think I could finish it all." Brittany begins then nudges Santana's shoulder, "Wanna share?"

Santana looks away from the flames and finds that perplexed look is gone and blue eyes look hopeful this time. They used to share everything all the time, even before they were dating, and it eases Santana's nerves a little that Brittany's asking to share now. Another baby step in their friendship.

"Yeah, sure. We can share." Santana smiles softly and you'd think by the way Brittany beams back that Santana just made her whole day.

"Awesome." Brittany says and moves to stand up, "How about I go order and you guys save our spots?"

"I can go with you?" Quinn offers but Brittany shakes her head, "Well here, let me give you my card."

"I got it." Brittany replies as she's already heading off then says over her shoulder, "I owe you for lunch from the other day anyway!"

Quinn just smiles and shakes her head, "Has she even changed?"

Santana smiles softly as she watches Brittany get further away, "Not too much, I guess."

Quinn nudges Santana's shoulder with hers and she refocuses on Quinn.

"I'm glad things between you guys are okay again." Quinn says, "It's too weird to think of you guys not being anything to each other. We've all known each other for so long, we've been through so much."

Santana just nods as she looks back out at the bonfire, "That's true."

Quinn studies Santana and frowns a little, "You guys _are_ okay, right?"

Santana really thinks about her words and wonders. Things aren't how they were five years ago, but they're better than what it five months ago and maybe this is as good as it gets? Or maybe they'll have another falling out and in 5 weeks they will be back to not speaking? Or maybe they'll be in love and together always?

At this point, who knows?

So Santana nods and says, "We're okay."

Quinn nods too and they both stare at the flames until Brittany comes back with a takeaway box in each hand. She pumps them in the air triumphantly as she gets closer, a proud grin on her face and it makes Santana and Quinn giggle.

Leave it to Brittany to break the girls out of their deep thoughts and over thinking.

"A burger for you," Brittany says as she hands Quinn the box then settles in the space between her and Santana, "And nachos for us."

Brittany balances the box on her knee as she flips open the lid, steam from the melted cheese and ground beef flood Santana's senses and it makes her stomach rumble.

"I talked my way into getting extra jalapenos too," Brittany says as she divides the napkins amongst them, "I know how much you love them. Or loved them? I probably should've asked before I did it. Do you still like them?"

Santana smiles bashfully, "Yeah, I do. Thanks, Britt."

Brittany grins back and goes for the tortilla chip with the most cheese. They sit like that for awhile, periodically trading gossip they overheard from the squad and general people watching, and it's nice. Santana's missed being able to just hang out with Quinn and Brittany without anything heavy looming over them. She missed when things were easy.

Santana and Quinn are in the middle of teasing Mr. Schue for his flannel/vest combo choice as he dances with Ms. Pillsbury by the bonfire when Brittany shoots up from her seat.

"I love this song!" She says excitedly and reaches for Santana and Quinn's hands, "Let's dance!"

"I don't know.." Quinn sighs as Brittany grabs hold of Quinn's hand and pulls her to her feet.

"Come on, you too." Brittany says but Santana's are wedged under her thighs for warmth, but Brittany continues to hold out her hand anyway.

Santana eyes the hand and she itches to take it, to let Brittany whisk her away for a dance by the fire, but she's frozen. The little voice in the back of her mind whispers for her to stay, that it would be a bad idea, that this would confuse things. But her heart says it would be fun and dancing is innocent. At least, this kind of dancing is innocent, a dance with friends.

In the end, Santana shakes her head and says, "No, you guys go. I'll watch our stuff."

She knows she has chosen wrong from the slight twitch of a frown on Brittany's lips, but it quickly disappears and Brittany nods instead.

"Okay then," Brittany says and Santana watches as she and Quinn dance off together towards the flames.

Santana smiles softly as she watches the two blondes twirl and sway amongst the students and other faculty, all laughter and toothy grins. She wishes she could be that carefree but she gets so caught up in her head and that ruins everything. But in a sense, there is one thing she's able to do just as freely as Quinn and Brittany dancing without anyone judging her and that's admire how beautiful Brittany is when she thinks no one is watching. Maybe she shouldn't think that way about her _friend_ because _friends_ aren't really supposed to think like that, but in this moment, while she's alone and she's able to silence that little voice in the back of her mind, she allows it.

Afterall, it used to be one of her favorite things to do and she guesses that maybe it still is. Sometimes Santana finds Brittany's beauty so overwhelming: the way she moves so effortlessly as she dances, the way her blonde hair flows through the air as she twirls, the sparkle in piercing blue eyes, the way her cheeks bunch as she smiles after landing a move, just her overall presence is breathtaking.

Santana shivers as a chill dances up her arms but she can't tell if it's from the Autumn air or Brittany. She tucks her hands further under her thighs and squeezes her arms tight to her sides for warmth although her skin is covered in goosebumps.

She goes back to watching Brittany and Quinn but it's only minutes later that she spots someone she wasn't expecting to be there walking towards her.

Sam Evans.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - Thank you for the kind reviews, I'm glad everyone's still interested! Just a little reminder, pre-season 4 Sam is the only Sam I accept so I hope that comes across when I write him. Anyway, enjoy!**

CHAPTER 12

In a perfect world, Santana would never have to see Sam's face again after her humiliating argument and it would never have to be brought up again, but sadly that world doesn't exist. In the real world, Santana has to own up to her mistakes and deal with her shit even if she'd rather not.

"Hey Santana," Sam says with his hands dug deep in his jeans pockets. He gives her a friendly smile but there's a slight uncertainty in his eyes as he stops at the bottom steps of the bleachers.

Santana instantly feels a little guilty for the unnecessary amount of distance he keeps between them, but that's fair when the last time she saw him was in the parking lot after practice and she went completely off on him and Brittany. Since then, she hasn't seen him around so she hasn't exactly apologized to him either.

So she swallows hard and smiles back, "Hey Sam. How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good. How are you?" Sam smiles too and nods to the crowd of dancers, "Why aren't you out there?"

Santana shrugs because even she doesn't have a reasonable answer, "You here to see Brittany?"

"Kinda. Mr. Schue invited me for the Glee Club performance later but I saw you sitting alone over here so I thought I'd say hi." Sam answers and Santana hates how he is still a genuinely nice guy, it makes her feel even more worse for going off.

"That's cool." Santana nods and they both look out at the bonfire, an awkward silence falling around them. All the things left unsaid weigh heavily on Santana's shoulders until she can't take it any longer.

"So.." They both say in unison.

Sam chuckles and Santana shuffles uncomfortably in her seat.

"Is this weird? This is weird." Sam mumbles awkwardly.

Santana smiles weakly and remembers a very brief time back in high school when they dated, Santana obviously didn't have real feelings for him and she just used him for his status and to cause a little drama, but the person she was then to who she is now is so different. She played him like a toy, but now all she can think of is how wrong she treated him.

She inhales deeply and turns to look up at him, "So, about the other day in the parking lot. I was clearly in the wrong for saying what I did. I-I didn't know anything and I-"

"Don't worry about it," Sam stops her as Santana begins to fumble for the right words. There's a kind smile on his face, one of understanding, as he climbs a couple of steps closer.

Santana's brows scrunch in confusion but then it clicks.

"Did Brittany talk to you?" Santana asks and Sam nods as he settles in the spot next to her.

"Yeah, she told me a couple things." Sam replies softly.

Santana sighs and lowers her eyes, "I'm sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have been so harsh when I didn't know what was really going on. That wasn't cool."

"Hey, it's alright." Sam chuckles and nudges Santana's shoulder so she looks up at him, "I kind of missed your witty insults. No one has called me Trouty Mouth in years."

Santana chuckles too and she feels a little more at ease.

"I haven't had the chance to say this, but I'm really glad you're back. I know I might've had something to do with you two not keeping in contact over the years and I hope you know that was never my intention," Sam says and Santana stiffens at his serious tone, "I've been by her side through some of her really rough times, but I know a piece of her always wished it was you instead of me. Not that she said that, but you can just tell sometimes. _I_ could just tell. She doesn't open up to me about things like she would with you. She barely talked about MIT or her parents or you," Sam pauses and scuffs his shoe against the ground, "She's kept a lot of things to herself, bottled up, so I guess I'm just trying to say be careful with her."

That sparks Santana's interest and she looks up at him again but this time her tone is sharp as she speaks, "Be _careful_ with her? What's that supposed to mean? Did you come over here to warn me? Make sure I stay in my lane? News flash, maybe she just didn't feel comfortable opening up to you?"

Sam lets out a sigh and shakes his head, "Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to get so defensive? I wasn't trying to pick a fight."

"Are you sure because that's not what it sounds like." Santana snaps, "You might've been around for a hot minute but I've been around longer, maybe not recently, but I will know Brittany better than you would ever hope to, Trouty, so don't come over here trying to pretend like you do. You don't."

Sam's shoulder drop instantly but he doesn't waver, "You've known Brittany way longer than I have, I don't doubt that, but what I was just trying to explain to you is that Brittany's my best friend too and I care about her and I want her to be happy. You remember what that feels like, don't you?"

Santana grits her teeth as she thinks about his words. Does she know what it feels like? Is he serious? Of course she does! Once upon at time, Santana was the one that knew Brittany better than anyone and for Sam to suggest otherwise is insulting.

"I don't want to see her get hurt," Sam adds, "But that's what happens when you're together. You hurt each other."

A lump forms in Santana's throat and she purses her lips tightly to try to stifle it.

Sam turns to her and speaks attentively, "Look Santana, I know I'm not your favorite person but we do have something in common and that's caring about Brittany. I was here when you weren't and that's not a jab at you and everything that has happened between you two, I'm just trying to say that I've earned my title as her best friend too. Like I said, I don't want to see her get hurt and I know that's a common thing that happens when you two get close."

Santana's jaw tenses as Sam's words hit low in her gut. She's at a loss for words and she can feel herself lashing out at any moment because how dare Sam talk about she and Brittany's dynamic as if he knows anything about what they've endured. She thinks about shoving him down the few steps but it wouldn't do nearly enough damage, but then she imagines Brittany's disappointed face after seeing that happen and she decides to take the high road.

"Maybe that's true but whatever happens between Brittany and I is our business and you really don't know anything about what we've gone through. Thanks for your concern, I'm glad Brittany has a friend that looks out for her like you do but we're just friends so you don't have to worry about that." Santana replies, there's still a slight edge in her voice. Just off in the distance, Santana can see Quinn walking towards them with a perplexed look on her face. Brittany's too caught up in talking to Mr. Schue to notice though and maybe that's a good thing.

Sam just ducks his head slowly then moves to stand up, "Okay, I guess I'll see you around then."

"Bye Sam." Santana says and watches as he nods again before making his way down the steps.

"Hey Quinn." He says in passing as Quinn approaches.

She gives him a polite smile and says, "Hey Sam." Then she looks to Santana who rolls her eyes and she waits until Sam's just out of earshot, "What was that about?"

Santana lets out a deep sigh as Quinn settles in next to her. Santana crosses her arms tightly across her chest, defending herself from what feels to be a ten degree drop in the temperature but she also feels a little vulnerable after some of the things Sam said.

"Just Sam acting like he knows anything about Britt and I when really he doesn't know shit." Santana bites, still staring daggers into the back of his head as he approaches Brittany and Mr. Schue. She grimaces as Brittany turns to him with a smile and gives him a big hug, "I can't believe you and I fought over him."

Quinn just chuckles, "If I remember correctly, you _stole_ him from me."

"If _I_ remember correctly, you were cheating on him with Finn." Santana smirks and Quinn begins to blush.

"God," Quinn sighs tiredly, "Don't remind me. High school sucked."

Santana just laughs, already feeling slightly better, but then her eyes settle on Brittany again just as she turns to she and Quinn. Brittany waves in their direction but the smile that accompanies it is different than how she looked at Sam. Maybe it's just Santana's eyes playing tricks or maybe it's just her over-active imagination, but she looks happier.

Then she gets to thinking; if it wasn't for high school and joining the Cheerios and Glee club, her relationship with Brittany would've never happened. Maybe they would've never dated? Maybe Santana never would've had the courage to acknowledge her feelings for Brittany?

"I don't know," Santana says as Brittany nears, "High school had its perks."

Quinn ponders a moment then shrugs, "I suppose."

"You _so_ missed out!" Brittany teases Santana as she hops up the steps easily, "Dancing around a fire is so like invigorating! We should do it more often."

Santana giggles at the little spin Brittany does before settling on the steps in front of she and Quinn, but just as she is about to reply a chilly breeze sends a shiver down her spin.

Of course, it doesn't go unnoticed and Brittany's quick to place her warm hand on the side of Santana's arm. The touch burns in the best of ways and suddenly Santana wishes she could have that feeling all over.

"Oh my God, you're freezing!" Brittany gasps.

"See, this is why you shouldn't dress like a hooker in the middle of Fall." Quinn jokes which earns her a stiff shoulder bump from Santana.

"I'm fine," Santana lies with a roll of her eyes, "I'm immune to it, it's my Latina blood."

Brittany lets out a belly laugh then shakes her head, "Yeah right! I know how cold you get, you don't fool me."

Then in an instant Brittany stands and whips her sweater off in one flowing motion, the bottom hem of her long-sleeved undershirt bunching just under her bra to reveal Brittany's toned stomach. It's only for a split second before Brittany's pulling off her sweater completely and adjusting her undershirt, but the image of her pale skin is etched in Santana's mind and it makes her swallow dryly because it's no surprise Brittany's still in great shape.

Brittany tosses her sweater at Santana and when it lands in her lap, Santana can already feel the warmth it emits but she can't accept it.

"What are you doing?" Santana asks and holds it up to Brittany, "Put this back on, you'll freeze!"

"Says you," Brittany says firmly, "I'm too hot from dancing so you can wear it."

Santana turns to Quinn, looking for back up.

"Don't look at me, I'm not lending you mine. I'm cold too!" Quinn laughs, tugging her cardigan closed.

"I don't want it because I'm not cold," Santana rebuts, "Tell her to put this back on."

Quinn just shakes her head, "You're literally turning blue. Why are you fighting this?"

Santana's shoulders drop with Quinn's betrayal, but she knows why. There's too much meaning in borrowing Brittany's sweater, she can't do it without feeling certain things that she's not meant to feel about her friend. It's like being marked as _hers_ even though she's nowhere near close to that. She remembers how she treated the first article of clothing Brittany ever loaned her, a sweater too, and she remembers how she'd wear it all the time like it was a constant hug, comforting her and wrapping her up in Brittany when Brittany wasn't around.

Things aren't like that now but it's still hard for Santana to separate those feelings from Brittany's innocent gesture. She remembers when she and Puck were a thing and he'd lend her his letterman jacket to wear because it showed the guys that she was his, but Santana always hated how it felt with him, like she was his property in a way. With Brittany though, it was different. In the beginning, it was scary wearing Brittany's things. They would get away with it sometimes because they were best friends first and it wasn't weird to borrow a jacket or sweater, but deep down Santana knew that they didn't share clothes backed by the same feelings they had as friends. Back then, before she came out, she thought everyone could see that and she became paranoid with how people perceived them. As she got older though and became more comfortable in her own skin, she realized she spent too much time worrying about things she shouldn't. She wore Brittany's things and Brittany wore hers, proudly so.

Yet now, she's finding herself in the same position as before. Worrying about what people would think because she and Brittany aren't together but they're starting to do things that they did when they were but those things could also be what friends do as well and it's all so confusing for Santana.

But Brittany looks at her worriedly for a split second and says, "Please San? I don't want you to catch a cold."

It's the first time she's called her _San_ in years and it makes Santana soften. She puts all those thoughts on the back burner for now and relents.

"Fine." Santana jokingly grumbles and pulls the sweater over her head, instantly trapping herself in Brittany's scent but also so very warm. She adjusts the sleeves that are just a tiny bit too long and looks to Brittany, feigning annoyance, "Happy?"

Brittany smiles triumphantly and says teasingly, "Yep, very cute."

Santana blushes slightly at the compliment but she rolls her eyes, "Whatever."

Brittany chuckles and nods over at the bonfire, "I'm going to go dance more before the Glee Club's performance."

Quinn and Santana nod and watch as Brittany bounds away again. Santana goes back to picking at her sleeves but she can't deny how she's already warming up and how grateful she is that Brittany was so quick to give her the sweater. She finds herself smiling at how good of a friend she is when she hears Quinn stifling a laugh.

"What?" Santana asks confusedly.

Quinn just shakes her head, still smiling, "It's happening again and you don't even realize it."

Santana frowns, "What? What's happening?"

"Really?" Quinn asks but finds Santana's genuinely clueless, "Nevermind. You'll figure it out eventually."


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

In the weeks following the homecoming bonfire, Santana and the girls are more focused than ever on coaching the squad now that they perform at weekly football games. Thanks to Coach Beiste, the football team is actually pretty good so it's a real confidence boost for the squad because they're on the winning side. Santana remembers how disheartening it used to be when the team completely sucked in the days of Coach Tanaka and how they still managed to perform cheers about winning even though the Cheerios were pretty much the only team at the time with any significance. Whenever the current squad begins to get a little full of themselves, Santana and the coaches love reminding them of the fact that they were the trendsetters and that they shouldn't get too cocky because the weight of the Cheerios legacy rests on their shoulders.

In a way, that weight rests on Santana's shoulders too.

But the team works hard and they stay focused, so when Quinn receives word that they've earned a spot to compete at the sectional competition in December no one is that shocked. Afterall, the Cheerios have competed in every sectional competition since before Santana joined the squad. During their own reign, they placed first place in every competition aside from their junior year when they performed with the Glee Club instead so they're no stranger to the pressures of winning either. It's that experience that allows them to connect so much better with the squad because they can relate and they're able to coach in a way that lands better.

\\\

It's the last day before school lets out for Thanksgiving break and the coaches decide to get together for drinks after Cheerios practice. They head over to Breadstix which has become their spot although it started off as a joke coming there because it's such a high school them thing to do. But Lima is still a small town and there's not much around in terms of nightlife so Breadstix it is.

Of course, Santana doesn't mind. New York doesn't have a Breadstix and she has kind of missed it.

They're sitting at their usual table outside, sipping on cocktails they found listed on the Happy Hour Specials menu, chatting about work and their plans for the break.

"I can't believe we're going to sectionals," Quinn says after the waitress sets down a basket of breadsticks.

"I know, right?" Brittany adds, "I haven't been to Cincinnati in forever, probably since high school."

"Same!" Quinn replies, "I'm getting nervous already, we have big shoes to fill."

Santana quickly grabs one like she hasn't eaten in days and starts nibbling on the end, "At least we don't have to compete with them. I don't think I could pull off the moves we used to do back in high school. Pretty sure I have permanent back problems now from being on the bottom of the pyramid."

Quinn chuckles as she reaches for a breadstick, "I don't think I'd be able to either, I'm just not that flexible anymore."

"Tough work being on top?" Santana teases and knocks her shoulder with Quinn's.

"You wouldn't know now would you?" Quinn quips back and Santana rolls her eyes.

Brittany snorts as she moves to take a sip of her cocktail, "No, she really wouldn't."

It's in the way Brittany says her comment and the smirk that follows that makes Santana's cheeks instantly flush as Quinn high fives Brittany from across the table, but she tries hard to play it off and act as though she's unfazed, "You guys suck."

"Anyway, what are you guys up to for the break?" Quinn asks.

"I'll most likely do some small Thanksgiving dinner thing," Santana says in between nibbles of her breadstick.

"Do you have family coming?" Quinn asks but Santana shakes her head.

"My dad definitely won't be there and I think my cousins will be in San Diego this year, so it will probably just be my mom and I." Santana answers, "The only other family that's left in Lima is my abuela, but I don't think she'll come around either."

Brittany catches Santana's eye as she bites her bottom lip in thought then hesitantly asks, "Has she spoken to you yet?"

Santana takes another bite of her breadstick and tries to fight the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. She hasn't seen or heard from her abuela since she came out and to be honest she didn't think the grudge would last this long, but her abuela is a stubborn old woman and when she's made up her mind about something that's it. Even if that means losing contact with her favorite granddaughter.

Santana shakes her head again and forgoes giving an explanation, but judging by the sigh Brittany let's out she doesn't need to explain a thing. Brittany gets it and Santana's thankful for that. It's still a touchy topic with her and she'd probably burst into tears if they delved in deeper.

"I'm sorry, Santana." Brittany says sincerely then gives her a small smile, "She's missing out on a great person."

Santana ducks her head bashfully, but she feels unsure of that greatness.

"Yeah she is," Quinn adds then says a little hopefully, "I'm sure she'll come around though."

Santana just shrugs, "Maybe."

But she doesn't really believe that she will.

"What about you, Q?" Santana says quickly to change the subject, "What are your plans for the break?"

Quinn goes on talking excitedly about plans of returning to New Haven with her mom because she loves it there in the Fall and she doesn't have much family in Lima to spend the holiday with either.

"It has become tradition for us to do an orphans' Thanksgiving since not many of my friends there go home for the holiday. They all usually leave for Christmas. Plus, I want to make sure my roommate hasn't trashed the place," Quinn adds as she flips through the menu then says a little softly, "I miss my cat too."

"Is that a metaphor?" Santana jokes and it makes Quinn roll her eyes.

"Cats are felines." Brittany deadpans and everyone giggles, "I didn't know you had a cat, what's their name?"

"His name is Binky." Quinn replies, "My roommate and I found him at a shelter a few years ago and he already had the name. He's the best."

Brittany smiles, "Cute name." Then she softens in looks to her drink somberly, "I've been thinking about getting another cat, but I don't think I'm ready yet."

Santana looks to Brittany with furrowed brows then looks to Quinn who has a similar look but then her heart suddenly lurches as she begins to put two and two together. She asks gingerly, "How long has it been?"

Brittany takes a steadying breath and looks up at Santana as her shoulders slump, "Almost three years now. He developed a heart condition. I tried everything to help him but it seemed like nothing I did worked." Brittany stops as her voice begins to crack and she goes to take a long sip of her cocktail.

Santana just watches as sadness washes over Brittany. She can't imagine how heartbroken Brittany must've been; Lord Tubbington was her whole life. Santana instantly feels guilty for not being there for her, not that she could've done anything to save him, but she knows how it feels to lose a loved one. And judging by how Brittany reacts after talking about him, she didn't cope very well with losing him and there's still a lot of things she's keeping on the inside.

Then Santana remembers what Sam told her the night of the bonfire about how Brittany had kept a lot of things bottled up; maybe this was one of them?

"I'm sorry," Brittany says after a sigh and plasters on a fake smile, "I don't mean to a be a buzzkill. I'll get over it eventually."

Santana's heart breaks even more and she can't stop herself from reaching across the table to place her hand over Brittany's. It's electric but Santana holds it there and rubs the pad of her thumb over soft skin as she says, "Don't be sorry. He meant a lot to you, it's okay to be sad about it. It's not something you can just _get over_ and that's okay."

Brittany smiles softly, a real smile this time, and says, "Thanks San."

Santana just nods and gives Brittany's hand one last squeeze before pulling away.

Quinn smiles softly at Brittany too and adds, "Maybe I can bring Binky here with me after the break? You can come over anytime you want for a cuddle. He's actually pretty lovable."

Brittany's smile grows, "That would be awesome, Q."

"It's a deal then," Quinn winks and looks back to the menu, "Have you guys decided?"

They fall into deep discussions about the menu and what they're feeling and that turns into Quinn and Santana debating which city has the best food: New Haven or New York. Brittany just sits quietly watching, giggling at her friends argue about taco trucks until the waitress arrives to take their order.

"I'm Latina. I know my tacos, Q," Santana says like she's trying to have the last word as she hands Quinn her menu but Quinn just smirks.

"I'm sure you do." Quinn jokes, straightening the menus to hand over to the waitress, "Thank you."

"You're an actual child." Santana says feigning annoyance even though a smile breaks through but then she turns to Brittany and remembers, "Wait, Britt, you never said what you're doing for the break."

"Oh yeah!" Quinn adds, "Any big plans?"

Brittany just shrugs, "Not really. I was going to fly to San Francisco, but I forgot to look at tickets earlier and now they are really expensive. I'll definitely have to go for Christmas now and that'll probably be even more expensive."

"I thought you didn't like your cousins?" Santana asks, knowing that that's who is San Francisco, "I remember you saying once that they stole your Christmas presents one year and replaced it all with coal."

Santana remembers Brittany has a few relatives living in California but she always hated visiting her cousins. Thankfully it was only for the Christmas break during school, but even then Brittany thought that was too much. Brittany's aunt and uncle always spoke so highly of them and she remembers Brittany saying she always felt like they were showing off how much better they were than her. Her cousins went to the best private school in the area and made straight A's and they were involved in all these different clubs and they volunteered; the list goes on. Santana remembers how Brittany said she always felt so small around them which she'd always follow by saying it was silly because she's been taller than the both of them for all her life.

Still, Santana hated anyone who made Brittany feel like she wasn't worthy and that feeling is still there now.

Brittany chuckles, "I don't think it was actual coal, just rocks they found outside."

"Like that's any better? No offense, but they sound like jerks." Quinn frowns but Brittany just shrugs.

"I wouldn't really be there to visit them. I mean, they'd be _there_ because it's a holiday, but I want to see my parents." Brittany says then adds softly, "It's been awhile."

Santana tilts her head in thought, "Your parents moved to San Francisco?"

Brittany nods, "Maybe a year and a half ago now?"

"Wow," Santana blinks slowly, "I didn't think they'd ever leave Lima. They loved your house, they were so settled. They had just started doing all those renovations too," Santana stops and reminds herself that those projects started five years ago even though it feels just like yesterday when she was cleaning paint off of Brittany's nose.

"They wanted a change of scenery I guess." Brittany adds but her tone makes it seem like there's so much left unsaid.

"So what are you going to do for Thanksgiving then?" Quinn asks, getting back on track.

"I'm not sure," Brittany replies as she looks over the cocktail menu again, "I don't really have anything planned."

Santana can feel Quinn nudge her under the table and she scowls back in return. Quinn's eyes flicker to Brittany like she's trying to tell her something but Santana isn't getting. Quinn finally gives up and rolls her eyes at Santana.

"You can come with me to New Haven?" Quinn offers and it makes Brittany perk up a little, "No one would mind at all, plus there's Binky."

Brittany smiles softly then relaxes, "Thanks Q, I don't want to impose though. It sounds you have a lot of catching up to do with your friends there."

Santana frowns because having Brittany around would never be an imposition, especially during the holidays. She wouldn't want her to be alone on Thanksgiving, that's just sad.

"What about Sam?" Santana says and it surprises her that she even mentioned his name, "Is he doing anything for Thanksgiving?"

Brittany looks surprised too and purses her lips at the question, "Probably."

"There you go," Santana says simply, "You can hang out with him and his family."

For a split second Brittany seems to look a little dejected but then she quickly hides behind a weak smile and shrugs, "That's true. Maybe I'll call him later. I'm going to go to the bathroom before our food comes. Be right back."

Santana watches as she leaves, feeling somewhat confused as to why Brittany suddenly disappeared. Then again, she could just be overthinking again.

Quinn just throws a broken breadstick at Santana, "You're an idiot."

"What?" Santana snaps defensively, dusting the crumbs off her top.

"Why didn't you just invite her over for Thanksgiving? It was right there and you missed it." Quinn whispers as if Brittany can hear her from the bathroom, "You really are exhausting."

Santana leans back as she racks her brain for a comeback, "I'm sure she and Sam are doing something. She said she was going to call him later and they're like best friends or whatever, as if he wouldn't include her knowing she'll be spending it alone. Besides, it'll just be my mom and I, we won't be doing anything big anyway. I'm sure Sam's family will though, they'll probably decorate and have a huge dinner and it'll be so much better than what I could offer her."

Quinn sighs exasperatedly, "Sounds like a bunch of excuses to me."

"Whatever." Santana grumbles guiltily, "I'm not going to get my hopes up only to be rejected."

"How do you know that unless you ask?" Quinn asks, " _I_ even asked. You have got to stop putting him up on a pedestal. No one else is doing it but you and I don't get why? He and Britt and best friends, so what? You and Britt are friends too so you're allowed to do things with her."

Santana says dismissively, "You don't get it, Q, it's more complicated than that."

"Only because you're the one complicating it," Quinn replies simply, "Being friends with Brittany has to be the easiest thing for you to do. That shit is like second nature but you have to be so goddamn difficult."

"Seriously?" Santana argues, growing tired of Quinn's probing comments, "You don't know a damn thing, Q. Britt and I have always been something more, the lines between friendship and dating didn't exist. You know that. So you can see why I'm having a hard time now because I'm trying to set boundaries."

"Don't give me that," Quinn replies, "The only reason you're having such a hard time is because you love her and for some odd reason you don't want her to know that."

Santana stares back, in shock, and tries to come up with a witty comeback, but she can't. All she can do is stare with her lips parted, her heart pounding wildly.

Quinn sits back in her chair, looking a little surprised at herself, as she tilts her head curiously, "That's it, isn't it?"

Santana feels like she's under a microscope and it makes her palms sweat. She's never admitted it to herself that could be it but she never denied it either. The only thing she tried to do is bury those feelings deep and hope they'd never resurface again. Why? She doesn't really know. She messed up before and she can't do it again so if all she can have with Brittany is a friendship then so be it.

But whoever told her that she wasn't allowed to try again?

"I don't know," Santana says truthfully.

Quinn nods then says after a pause, "I think you should invite her over for Thanksgiving. I think she'd really like that, shows you're making an effort in your _friendship_."

Quinn's tone is less accusing and it makes Santana feel less defensive. She begins thinking about how it'll be to invite Brittany over for dinner when it's just her and Maribel. That's too familiar and sure Maribel knows they aren't together but she wasn't exactly welcoming to that news. Maribel loved Brittany and loved them together. And Maribel gets weird, like any mom wanting to set their daughter up, so who knows what could happen. She doesn't want to make Brittany feel uncomfortable. But Quinn also has a point and Santana should just cast that line and see if Brittany takes it. It doesn't hurt to ask.

Santana finally sighs exhaustedly, "Why are you like this?"

"Because I love you guys," Quinn says sickeningly sweet, "And I know you'll miss the crap out of me while I'm away for 3 days-"

"Such a long time." Santana teases.

Quinn purses her lips, "I just want to make sure you guys won't be lonely. Where's your holiday spirit?"

Santana exhales deeply, "Fine. I'll ask."

"Yes!" Quinn cheers.

"But on my terms," Santana quickly adds as she spots Brittany exiting the hall where the bathrooms are, "You let me worry about my friendship with Brittany and you can go back to minding your business."

Quinn takes the hint and reaches for her cocktail, raising her glass to Santana, "I'll drink to that."


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

To be clear, Santana had every intention of speaking to Brittany. It was a pretty well thought out plan which she spent a good 12 hours concocting. She gave herself until Quinn left for New Haven to reach out to Brittany but she started to overthink and doubt herself then one thing led to another and Santana ended up missing her window. She could've easily sent Brittany a text or given her a call, but for some reason Santana made herself believe that it would look rude of her, like she was inviting Brittany out of guilt or pity. Of course, Santana was making it all up in her head but in that moment, she couldn't be told otherwise.

So when Quinn left for New Haven late Tuesday evening, Santana decided that it was too late. Quinn was long gone on her road trip so she wasn't there to pester Santana and make her feel like even more of a loser. So Santana just padded around the house, hoping that Brittany didn't hate her for being such a dumbass. She hoped she wouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving and that she'd have a lovely dinner wherever she ends up and that those people are grateful she's there.

\\\

It's early Wednesday morning when Maribel calls Santana downstairs for breakfast. They're not usually breakfast people, but there's a small bowl of mixed berries and a stack of pancakes waiting when Santana arrives. The smell of fresh coffee brewing fills the kitchen and suddenly Santana's not so cranky about the early wake up call.

"Good morning, mija." Maribel greets as a groggy Santana plops down on one of the barstools near the island countertop.

Santana notices Maribel is already dressed and she wonders how long she's been up for.

"Morning, mami." Santana replies and plucks up a raspberry from the bowl, "What's all this for?"

Maribel shrugs as she sets down a plate in front of Santana next to the coffee mug and one for herself as well, "Do I need a reason to have breakfast with my daughter?"

Santana smirks as she takes the empty mug in front of her and walks to the coffeemaker, "I guess not."

Maribel putters around the kitchen quietly making Santana watch curiously as she fills her cup. She can feel something looming over them as she takes the first sip of coffee, peering over Maribel from the rim of the cup.

"I want to go grocery shopping for tomorrow," Maribel finally says and Santana instantly groans.

"I knew there was something.." Santana grumbles.

"What? You know it is going to be crazy in there, all the last minute shoppers. I'll need you as back up." Maribel reasons.

"Awh mami..grocery shopping is my least favorite thing to do. I barely did my own shopping in New York. Especially going on the day before a holiday, there's going to be people _everywhere_. It'll be like the Hunger Games. What are we even getting? I thought we were just ordering takeout and watch the parade?" Santana whines and for a second she's transported back to her middle school days when Maribel wouldn't let her play outside until her chores were finished.

"I've changed my mind," Maribel says simply, "I want to have a real Thanksgiving dinner."

"Is this what the breakfast is for, to bribe me?" Santana questions.

"Don't be so dramatic, Santana." Maribel chastises lightly, "It's not so bad. You haven't been home for Thanksgiving in so long and now you're here so I'm going to cook."

Santana softens because Maribel is such a mom and of course she decides on the day before Thanksgiving that she wants to cook just because she's there.

"We need a turkey and cornbread and mashed potatoes and mac and cheese." Maribel begins listing off, "All the staples!"

Santana would be lying if her stomach didn't automatically start rumbling, but she doesn't want Maribel to go through all the trouble just for her, "Mami, we don't need to do all of that. Besides, It's only going to be us. That's going to be way too much food."

Maribel shakes her head, "Nonsense, maybe the smell of all the cooking will bring your abuela over."

Santana freezes, surprised that Maribel even mentioned her abuela. They don't talk about her much since, actually they don't speak about her ever, but Santana knows Maribel still checks up on her despite not agreeing with how she treated her daughter.

"You're a great cook, but not that good." Santana says softly and it makes Maribel frown.

"Well, I'm going to put our dining table to good use even if it's just you and me." Maribel says to her, determined.

Santana can sense the things Maribel leaves unsaid, like how lonely it must've gotten being alone in this empty house, especially during the holidays now that her father is out of the picture. How hard it must be knowing that the two most important women in her life aren't speaking and there's nothing she can do to fix it. Santana remembers the holidays when she was younger, when Brittany would kiss away the cold winter air from her cheeks and her mom and dad were still happy and together and her abuelo was still healthy and alive and her abuela loved her.

It was such a happy time and it crushes Santana knowing how different it all is.

Santana feels overcome with guilt because she stayed away for so long and she knows she must've added to Maribel's sadness, so she relents, "Okay, mami, I'll help you."

"Good answer," Maribel smirks then leans over to kiss the top of Santana's head, "Thank you, now eat up."

\\\

After breakfast, Santana heads up to her room to get dressed while her mom breaks out a pen and paper to start on the grocery list. She decides to dress for comfort since it's way too early for her usual outfits. Her eyes fall to the faded red sleeve of Brittany's sweater poking out from under her pillow and entertains the idea of possibly wearing it to the store because it's comfy and maybe having a piece of Brittany will make her feel like less of an idiot for not having the courage to make that call. She decides against though, in fear of someone recognizing it or getting it dirty, and tucks the sleeve further under her pillow before turning to her closest.

Santana opts for a hoodie and a pair of ripped blue jeans before going to the bathroom to brush her teeth. After, she piles her hair atop her head in a messy bun and goes to pull on a pair of clean socks. She sits perched at the edge of her bed, curled over pulling the fabric over her cold feet when she spots the frame on her desk again. There's a familiar pang of guilt and she moves to rest her hands on her knees as she bites her lip in thought.

"What is wrong with me?" Santana whispers aloud before pushing herself up and leaving those thoughts there. She grabs her phone and unlocks it, automatically going to the message app and hovering over Brittany's name. The last time they texted was last week when it was Santana's turn to pick up Starbucks before practice and she had to ask what Brittany wanted because it's always something different.

She goes back to thinking of what to text like it's rocket science just to ask Brittany over for dinner, but her fingers are frozen in place, hovering over the keyboard. She wonders what's stopping her and why she's letting it but she ends up getting frustrated with herself because she doesn't know the answer. Quinn said friendship with Brittany was easy and for a second Santana believed her, but now she's not so sure. If it was easy, why does she have such a hard time with all the simple things?

But then Santana thinks, maybe it's hard now for a reason? Maybe this is how it's supposed to be? She and Brittany are friends and everything's civil again and maybe Santana is just meant to leave it at that. She thinks that if things were supposed to be different it would be that way, there would be some sort of sign or something, like fate laying a hand.

Santana locks her phone and slides it in her back pocket before heading downstairs to meet up with Maribel.

\\\

The list Maribel comes up with is pretty in depth and Santana starts to second guess her decision of coming out with her mom when she sees how packed the parking lot is. It's like the entire town of Lima is here and Santana cringes at the thought. When they park, Maribel decides that they split the list and meet at check out so they can get through the shopping a lot faster. Santana doesn't argue as Maribel rips the paper in half and hands Santana the top half. She reads over her part of the list, memorizing the items so she knows exactly which aisle she needs to go to while Maribel heads straight in wielding a cart like it's her battering ram.

Santana follows in after her with her own cart in tow before heading in the opposite direction. There's people everywhere and she can swear she passed by a couple arguing over the last can of gravy. It's sheer madness and Santana makes a mental note that she'll never grocery shop before a holiday ever again in her whole life. She has trouble moving around with a cart and ditches it at the end of an aisle before switching to a hand basket. Most of her list are just small things like seasonings and small goods so she zips through the crowded areas easily and soon she's nearly finished with her list.

With the amount of people there, Santana would've been oddly surprised if she would've gone the entire trip without seeing anyone she knew but she spots a familiar blonde at the corner of her eye as she passes the juice aisle.

It's Sam, accompanied by his little brother and sister, and he's got a hand on each other their heads as he reads different labels of juice bottles. Santana would've gone unnoticed if it wasn't for some old lady nearly running her down with a cart.

"Don't just stop in the middle of the walk way." The lady scolds harshly before brushing past Santana.

"Jesus," Santana gasps as her basket knocks into the end cap, the rattling of bottles of Coke earning her a glance from Sam.

"Hey Santana," Sam greets cheerfully, "It's crazy in here, huh?"

Santana stares daggers into the back of the lady, "Yeah it is." Then she smiles down at Sam's siblings before looking up at Sam, "Last minute shopping?"

"Yeah, my parents are in here somewhere. I'm just trying to keep these two out of trouble." He replies and pulls a bottle off the shelf and hands one to each of his siblings, "You hold this and you hold this."

Santana chuckles as the boy frowns up at Sam. For a second, she wants to ask about Brittany and if she'll be spending Thanksgiving with him and his family but she doesn't think she wants to know the answer. She knows she was the one that suggested the idea to Brittany and she knows that they're just friends and what not, but it still makes Santana feel weird just thinking about it all.

Instead, she doesn't say anything. She doesn't want to know what her lack of courage has earned her. She has no one else to blame but herself.

"Well good luck," Santana says through a smile, "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Santana."

Santana heads off to grab the last few things before meeting up with her mom.

\\\

Once they're home, Santana helps her mom unload the groceries from the car and they pile all the bags on the island counter. They're both surprisingly tired and they make fast work of putting away all the things that need to be kept cold before collapsing on the couch for an impromptu nap.

It's maybe just over an hour later when Santana's phone vibrates beneath her side, waking her. She doesn't know why her heart jumps in anticipation to see the name of who has been plaguing her mind all day, but she frowns when she glances down at the screen.

 _Quinn F. – Made it to New Haven! Traffic was insane._

Then a second text comes through.

 _Quinn F. – Have you asked Britt yet?_

Santana groans and turns her phone over on the coffee table. That seems to be the answer for everything these days, just turn it over and ignore it.

The sound of splashing coming from the kitchen grabs Santana's attention and she quickly makes her way over. She finds Maribel dunking the smallest frozen turkey Maribel could find into a buck of water she has placed in the sink. Water spills over the sides and splashes out onto the edges of the counter surrounding the sink.

"What are you doing?" Santana wonders.

"This turkey won't thaw by tomorrow so I'm putting it in water," Maribel replies and Santana scrunches her nose.

"Is it okay to do that?" Santana asks, "We won't get salmonella or something?"

"Ay no, your abuela used to do this all the time." Maribel says, "We're still alive."

Santana isn't convinced but she backs off anyway, "Whatever you say then, mami."

Maribel nods confidently and goes to wipe up the spilled water, "Are you sure you got everything on the list, mija? I can't find the flour or the yeast packets anywhere. Could it be in the car?"

Santana freezes, she doesn't remember those items on her list, "Are you sure they were on mine? I didn't go down that aisle."

"Yes, it was on the back.." Maribel replies and Santana's jaw drops, "What? You looked on the back right?"

Santana brings her palm to her forehand and groans in frustration, "I didn't think to."

Maribel just chuckles, "No wonder you finished so quickly."

"I'm sorry, mami." Santana sighs apologetically, "I can go back?"

"No, no it's okay." Maribel shakes her head, "I'm about to start dinner. I'll go in the morning."

"Are you sure?" Santana begins to dig in her pockets for the crumpled list from earlier, "I've got the list somewhere."

"It's okay, I have to get a few things I forgot to add as well." Maribel assures her, "But you can help unpack the rest of the groceries instead?"

Santana nods and sets to work.

\\\

Its when Santana's getting ready for bed that Quinn sends through another text.

 _Quinn F. – I'm taking that as a no._

"Ugh, shut up." Santana grumbles as she reads the text and goes to leave that one without a reply as well. She doesn't need Quinn adding to her own annoyance with herself. She knows she has dug herself a hole and she doesn't need Quinn going and adding her two cents like she always does. She's lucky Santana isn't meddling in her life, giving Quinn a taste of her own medicine.

Santana sets her phone to silent and leaves it face down on her nightstand before rolling onto her side. She closes her eyes and tries to think of happier thoughts, her hand delving under her pillow for the comforting feel of the sweater. She rubs the fabric between her fingers methodically, inhaling the faint smell of fire and Brittany's perfume until she drifts off.

\\\

The next morning, Santana wakes in a similar way as the morning before. The smell of fresh coffee brewing and warm pancakes lure her into the kitchen and she plops down on her usual stool and plucks a raspberry from the bowl of berries. Maribel slides Santana a mug of coffee and Santana smiles in gratitude.

"I'm going to run to the store soon to pick up those last few things," Maribel tells her, "Can you preheat the oven when I leave?"

"Sure mami," Santana says, "Are you sure you don't want me to go instead?"

"It's okay," Maribel replies, "I'm dressed already and the store closes at noon today so I need to be quick."

Santana nods and soon after Maribel kisses her head, she's out the door again.

Santana finishes her breakfast and cleans up the kitchen so Maribel will have all the space she needs when she starts cooking. She preheats the oven like Maribel asked her to and goes up to her bathroom to take a shower. It becomes one of those long showers where she spends extra time shampooing her hair, massaging her scalp, before letting the water run through it and moving to exfoliate. She rubs shaving cream all over her legs and runs the razor over them until her skin is silky smooth. She inhales the steam and it eases her tense muscles so when she exits the shower, she's completely relaxed.

She stands in front of her closet with her hair bundled up atop her head and a fluffy towel wrapped around her torso. She remembers when she'd have to dress up when holiday dinners used to be over at her grandparents' house and she decides to slip into one of her favorite cotton dresses because even if it's just her and Maribel today, she wants it to feel like a special occasion. She slides nude colored stockings over her legs and slips her feet into her fuzzy purple booties she likes to wear around the house on colder days before heading to the bathroom to dry her hair.

When she finishes up, Santana goes for her phone and finally texts Quinn back.

 _Santana L. – Happy Thanksgiving, Q._

She opts to leave Quinn's previous texts unanswered, but then she finds her thumb hovering over the main message bank where Brittany's name is. She thinks about what Brittany could be doing again and she hopes she isn't lonely even though Santana could've easily assured she wouldn't be. She finally relents and taps Brittany's name, the message screen opening and Santana finds herself hesitating again only this time it's to find the words she wishes to say. How does she apologize for something Brittany didn't even know was supposed to happen? How does she convey her fear of rejection in a single text?

She stops when she hears the sound of keys and the front door opening, followed by an angry sounding Maribel rattling off Santana's full name.

"Come down here right now," Maribel demands and for the first time in years Santana is a little worried as to what she's done to warrant her whole name being called out.

Santana quickly comes down the stairs, nearly missing a step, to find Maribel waiting at the bottom with her hands on her hips.

"Yes mami?" Santana asks hesitantly.

"Do you know who I ran into at the store?" Maribel asks and Santana's brows furrow.

Santana shakes her head, but as she does Maribel opens the front door a little wider and Santana just about collapses.

Brittany is there pulling a large paper bag out of the backseat of Maribel's car. She adjusts it in her arms and Santana can only stare wide-eyed.

"Why didn't you tell me she was going to be alone on Thanksgiving?" Maribel asks, this time her tone is softer.

Santana just shakes her head again, trying to tear her eyes away from Brittany, "I-I didn't know.. I-I thought she was going to be with Sam's family."

"Well from what she told me, she's not." Maribel says and her hands drop to her sides, "I know things are complicated with you two, but I thought I raised you better than this. I can't let this girl spend Thanksgiving alone. She'll be having dinner with us now."

Santana nods and the slight feeling of relief and regret washes over her, "Okay."

"Okay." Maribel repeats and nods to the blonde, "Go see if she needs help."

Santana nods again and comes down the last few steps before heading out the door.

Brittany pulls away with a plastic bag dangling from her curled fingers as she bumps the car door closed with her hip. When she spins, she finds Santana standing there and offers her a nervous smile.

"Hey," Brittany says a little timidly.

"Hi Britt," Santana replies and nods to her hand, "Let me get that."

Brittany mumbles out a _thanks_ as Santana takes the bag then says a little louder, "I'm sorry. I should've texted you to warn you or something. Your mom saw me at the store and asked what I was doing and I wasn't quick enough with a good answer and then she invited me over. It's kind of hard saying no to her. I hope I'm not imposing."

Santana chuckles because she knows first-hand how her mom can be, "Don't be sorry. You aren't imposing at all."

"Are you sure? I feel like I crashed your dinner." Brittany asks and pauses halfway up the path to the front door. She looks so unsure of herself as she adds, "I don't have to stay. I can go if you'd like."

"Don't." Santana says suddenly as her heart starts to race. She looks up into pretty blue eyes and the words fall freely, "Please stay."

Brittany's eyes flicker between Santana's and Santana watches as Brittany slowly inhales. She doesn't know why it suddenly feels like time has stopped but she eyes Brittany curiously; she looks like she's mentally weighing out the pros and cons and Santana wonders why Brittany's doing that when she's the one that's a nervous wreck.

But then Brittany nods and her cheeks bunch cutely into a smile. She bashfully says, "Okay, I'll stay."


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Brittany doesn't actually stay very long once they get the remainder of the groceries inside onto the kitchen island. She tells Santana that she needs to head home to get the couple of bottles of wine she was saving for a special occasion. Santana tells her that she shouldn't waste the bottles on their silly little dinner but Brittany insists it wouldn't be a waste and she rather share with them than drink alone like she had planned. There's not much room for Santana to argue when Brittany teases her for worrying she won't come back.

"I won't be long," Brittany assures her through a smirk.

Santana rolls her eyes at her playful tone, but it all feels so familiar. She never pegged herself as the clingy type, but when she was with Brittany it was different. She couldn't get enough of her and when they were apart it felt like ages and everything just felt off. When they began doing long distance while Santana was in Louisville, Santana would come up with the most off the wall excuses to return home or get Brittany to come visit because she really only felt like she was her true self when Brittany was around.

She had to recreate that feeling over the years, learn how to be herself without needing Brittany, but she never really got it just right.

So when Santana finds herself falling into the same pit of emotions, she reminds herself that this is exactly why she was so hesitant bringing Brittany around for Thanksgiving, and tries hard to shake them loose.

Before Brittany leaves, she lets Maribel know that she'll return in a bit and to make sure Maribel saves some prep work for her when she gets back. Maribel agrees and Santana catches the pleased smile her mom gives Brittany. She smiles too, but there is a faint pang of regret in the pit of her stomach because this isn't how she pictured spending Thanksgiving years ago.

By now, she and Brittany should've been living in their own place somewhere glamorous. Well, as glamorous as they could afford. They'd fall asleep together every night and wake up together every morning. They'd pay bills together and work out grocery lists. They'd have a cat that Brittany would end up talking Santana into getting. They'd cuddle up on rainy Sunday afternoons and watch movies all day and make love on the living room floor. They'd host dinner parties with their friends and family and Santana would spend way too much on holiday decorations but Brittany wouldn't complain because she loved how Santana would light up under the glow of fairy lights. Santana would've put a gleaming ring on Brittany's finger and they'd be happy and so in love.

But where Brittany and Santana are now is far from what Santana had imagined and it kind of hurts.

"Did you need me to pick up anything else while I'm out?" Brittany asks and it's an open offer as she glances between Maribel and Santana who looms in the doorway.

"I think I've got everything now. Thank you, Brittany," Maribel says as she takes the thawed turkey out of the bucket, "Ah, it worked!"

Santana chuckles at Maribel's delight but then her eyes focus on Brittany walking towards her.

"And anything for you?" Brittany asks, chomping down on a stick of celery she must've snuck from the counter.

Santana shakes her head, "Not that I can think. Thanks though."

Brittany just winks before passing Santana and heading for the door. She keeps the celery stick between her teeth as she pulls her boots on and Santana can't help but watch intently.

Brittany catches her staring as she pulls on the second shoe. She sits up, taking the celery stick from her lips and giving it another chomp, before smiling and getting up to leave.

"I'll see you guys in a bit!" Brittany calls over her shoulder and gives Santana one last grin before closing the door behind her.

Santana just lets out all the air in her lungs she hadn't realized she was holding there.

\\\

She doesn't know why she does it, but as soon as Brittany leaves, Santana bolts to her bedroom. Everything she's been training herself to move on from keeps worming its way back in and Santana has had enough. She begins to pace back and forth in the space between her bathroom and bed because what the hell is she doing? She has got to get her feelings in check before Brittany comes back or else this dinner will be a complete disaster. Honestly, she thinks she's going crazy as she argues the pros and the cons of having Brittany around but her heart is too good at distracting her head.

When she slumps down on her bed, she can't believe she's actually scrolling through her contacts for the right number. She hesitates though, giving herself one last chance to talk herself out of it but it's too late as her thumb presses flush against the screen.

On the second ring, she answers.

 _"So you finally decide to speak."_ Quinn teases and Santana already somewhat regrets making the call, " _What's up? Happy Thanksgiving by the way."_

"Yeah, happy thanksgiving to you too." Santana says and she pauses for a moment because honestly she's scared and she doesn't exactly know how to say what she wants to. Sure, she and Quinn have gotten closer these past few months but when it comes to the topic of Brittany, Quinn can be a little…pushy. Sometimes that's a good thing because there are definitely times when Santana needs a good kick in the ass, but at times like this, Santana just needs a friend.

So she deflects instead, "How's New Haven?"

" _Just as I left it._ " Quinn answers skeptically, " _Why? I know you're not calling just to check up on me, so spill it. What's going on?_ "

Santana sucks in her bottom lip and bites down in thought. It's a loaded question really because _so much_ is going on and Santana has no idea where to begin. It's her inability to ask Brittany over for dinner, it's her inability to move on from the past, it's her inability to admit to herself that she can't handle being around Brittany without feeling like she's falling apart while simultaneously being put back together again. Brittany has been driving her crazy for months now and Santana thinks she's just about reached her breaking point. If it all doesn't fall apart today then it will be a miracle.

But she doesn't say that to Quinn. Instead she forces out a scoff and says, "Excuse me, what do you mean I can't check up on you? It's a holiday, I just wanted to see how you were spending it and if you were wasted yet."

" _Typical you, always trying to get me drunk_." Quinn deadpans, " _It's still early."_

"Like that's stopped you before." Santana adds and the light banter is already working to take her mind off things, "So anyway, what are you guys cooking?"

Santana spends the next fifteen minutes chatting with Quinn about random things and it's just what she needs to feel at ease again. Even if they aren't talking Santana's issues out, it helps being able to talk to someone that's just a friend and there isn't some thin line she has to trapeze. When Santana hangs up she, she already feels a lot less anxious and heads to the bathroom to put on some light makeup and a fresh spritz of perfume. She doesn't really need it but they're hosting a guest now and she wants to look at least a little presentable which is something she'd do for any guest, not just Brittany.

At least, that's what she tries to tell herself.

Another hour or so later, Brittany's pulling up outside.

\\\

"Told you I'd be back," Brittany teases as Santana answers the door.

Santana would roll her eyes if she wasn't so distracted by Brittany's wardrobe change. Earlier, Brittany rocked the comfy look as well in just jeans and a zip-up sweater but now she wears a short, dark blue skirt with a fuzzy, cream long-sleeve sweater with a picture of a turkey on the front and maroon socks that go up to her knees. There's a multi-color beanie snug atop her head and her long blonde hair curtains her rosy cheeks. Only Brittany could pull off such a random outfit, but Santana's breath catches nonetheless.

"Cool sweater," Santana compliments, hoping she wasn't staring embarrassingly long.

"Thanks," Brittany beams then raises the objects in her hands, "So I brought wine and Jenga. I couldn't properly come over empty handed."

"Nice," Santana grins and stands aside, waving Brittany to come in, "Do they need to be chilled?"

"Does that make it harder to pull the pieces out?" Brittany asks then looks over her shoulder, "Wait, you mean the wine."

"Yeah, the wine." Santana giggles, "Although, you might be on to something with the Jenga."

"It could be interesting," Brittany jokes as she passes Santana the two bottles she brought.

Santana heads into the kitchen where her mom is still hard at work cooking, "Look mami, Britt brought wine!"

Maribel looks over her shoulder as Santana sticks the bottles in the fridge and smiles, "Such a lovely girl."

Santana just nods as she closes the fridge door. She catches a glimpse of Brittany going into the living room, setting the Jenga box down on the coffee table.

"I don't know why you two broke up. The pair of you were inseparable since you met and you complement each other so well," Maribel whispers and Santana instantly sighs. It's another topic they don't usually touch, but Maribel was just as upset about the news of their breakup and when it was still fresh, she always managed to slip in her two cents.

"Hey, do you guys mind if I turn on the parade?" Brittany calls out from the living room, "I think they're playing re-runs."

Maribel's brows raise as she nods to the living room, "See? You love the parade, she loves the parade. Perfect match."

"Yeah, Britt, that's cool!" Santana calls out then narrows her eyes at Maribel, "Don't start that tonight, please."

"What? I'm just pointing out the obvious," Maribel shrugs coyly as she chops vegetables, "You two broke up for such a silly reason. I don't know why you're not back together by now. Especially after all the time you spend together coaching. Brittany's so polite, respectful, kind, beautiful…"

"Mami.." Santana drawls out in embarrassment, "It's ancient history, can we not?"

"Quinn agrees with me." Maribel insists.

Santana scrunches her face in bewilderment, "How would you know? You two don't even talk."

"You don't know that." Maribel answers swiftly and all Santana can do is stare.

"As uncomfortable as this entire conversation has been, can we please not talk about this tonight?" Santana begs quietly, "It's already weird having Thanksgiving dinner with my ex-girlfriend and my mom but if you bring this up, it'll make things even weirder."

"Ay Santana," Maribel grumbles, "It's only _weird_ because you're making it weird. We're all just here to eat good food in good company."

"Maybe you do talk to Quinn," Santana mumbles skeptically, "Sounds like something she's told me before."

Maribel winks as Brittany enters the kitchen.

"Cool floats this-" Brittany pauses, her eyes switching from Santana to Maribel, "Am I interrupting?"

"Of course not," Maribel answers swiftly and lightly bumps hips with Santana, "I was just telling Santana that her cousin, Hector, got engaged last weekend."

"Wow, really?" Brittany asks in awe then looks to Santana, "I remember him from when your cousins would visit in the Summer. He was the nicest."

Santana smiles then narrows her eyes slightly at Maribel, wondering where this is going.

"Yes, he is just a year older than Santana and already engaged." Maribel adds, sounding a little forelorn, eyes focuses on moving the knife through the carrots, "And his brother, Oscar, with another baby on the way." Maribel glances in Santana's direction, "I can't wait for my girl to be engaged and start having babies."

"Woah, definitely not ready for all of that yet." Santana gasps, brows raised.

"True, you need a girlfriend first." Maribel chuckles.

Santana instantly blushes, "What I think I need is a drink. Who else wants a drink?"

Brittany just chuckles as Santana scrambles off to find a glass, "I'll have one."

"Me too. Anyway," Maribel says, "What's new with you, Brittany? What are you up to these days? Are you single, dating anyone new?""

Santana spins around on her heels with her hands full of wine glasses, her eyes wide.

"Mami!" Santana chastises, face fully flushed again, "Don't you think that's a little invasive?"

"What? I'm just asking," Maribel says and looks to Brittany, "It's just us girls talking and I haven't seen Brittany in ages. It's fine."

"Oh my God.." Santana mumbles to herself then looks to Brittany, "I'm sorry."

"I don't mind." Brittany shrugs casually, "I haven't really had anyone ask about me in a long time."

Santana frowns slightly as she begins pouring a bottle of red wine she had picked up the day before and she wonders if she's added to that being the anxious mess she is around Brittany. Santana knows that Brittany isn't dating Sam but she doesn't know if there had been anyone else after that, after all five years is a long time to be single. Even she had her one night stands and short-lived flings that never went anywhere. She has realized before that there's a lot about Brittany she doesn't know anymore and a lot of those blanks are still empty even after all the time they spend together coaching. But when Santana thinks about it, they don't really talk much about personal things, it's mainly about the squad or routines. Santana is pretty sure Brittany isn't seeing anyone new, but she doesn't remember ever asking either and the more she thinks about it, the more curious she becomes.

She brings two glasses to the island and sets one down in front of Maribel and Brittany before going back for her own. Brittany says a quiet _thanks_ and Santana ducks her head in response before settling on the stool next to her.

"Thank you, mija," Maribel says as she lifts her glass to the girls, "Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Santana and Brittany say in unison as the three clink their glasses together.

"To answer your question," Brittany says after taking a sip, "Or questions; I haven't really been up to much besides work. I've been taking dance classes since we've started coaching just as a refresher since I didn't really dance much before."

"You never told me you were taking dance classes," Santana says, her interest piqued.

"You never asked," Brittany replies, "I wanted to be able to contribute to coaching and I know choreography used to be my strength so I wanted to be good at it."

Santana nods, wishing she took that kind of initiative when she got roped into coaching.

"And to answer the other question," Brittany adds a little shyly, "No, I'm not dating anyone new, boy or girl."

Santana takes a deeper sip of her wine at Brittany's confession, preparing herself for her mom's response. Thankfully Maribel just smiles and motions to the bag of potatoes resting on the counter next to her.

"You two want to help me with the mashed potatoes?" Maribel asks.

"Sure!" Brittany bounces on her toes, "I'll just wash my hands first."

\\\

Surprisingly, the next couple of hours go by relatively pain-free. Maribel's intrusive questions have stopped and they spend the time cooking and getting tipsy together. Santana loosens up a bit more, mainly thanks to the wine, and it makes being around Brittany so much easier. She's not caught up too much in her head for the moment and she's able to actually enjoy Brittany's company for once.

Most of the sides are either done or nearly there, so the three of them head into the living room with their wine glasses in hand while they wait for the turkey. They're all a bit giggly off wine since they have only been snacking while they cook, but they decide to play Jenga in the meantime. They sit gathered around the coffee table as Brittany builds the Jenga tower and Santana goes through the rules with Maribel. It only takes a game and a half for Maribel to give up on playing and head back into the kitchen to check on the dishes, leaving Santana and Brittany alone in the living room.

"I forgot how funny your mom is when she drinks," Brittany says as she carefully slides out a wooden piece from the tower and stacks it on top, "I should hang with her more often."

Santana snorts out a laugh at the thought as she takes her turn, "She'd probably love that actually."

Brittany giggles too and Santana gets distracted by how cute she looks with her nose scrunched but then their eyes catch as Santana tries to move a wooden piece with a steady hand. She gulps and tries to refocus on her careful movements but she can feel Brittany's eyes on her. It makes her feel warm all over and Santana can't help but flint her eyes from the piece between her fingertips to blue eyes staring back intently. She realizes she's holding her breath, afraid that if she didn't, the Jenga tower and the rest of the world would come crashing down around them. It's like she's moving in slow motion now with how careful she's being and maybe she's exaggerating just a little bit but if that's what it takes to keep Brittany looking at her the way she is then so be it. She'll make her turn last hours and hours. She tucks her bottom lip between her teeth in concentration and watches as Brittany's eyes instantly follow the movement. The piece is nearly cleared its spot and the pair move closer to the tower, eyes trained on Santana's precision until-

The tower tumbles to the side with a loud clatter of pieces splaying across the coffee table.

"I win again!" Brittany cheers, pumping her fist triumphantly in the air.

"You moved the table," Santana accused although she can't help but laugh as Brittany wiggles about in celebration.

"I did not," Brittany defends behind a proud smile, "I'm just awesome at Jenga."

Maribel enters the room wielding another bottle, their second so far, and begins to laugh at the sight of the two, "Brittany won again?"

"Sure did," Brittany smirks.

"I think she cheated." Santana accuses playfully as Maribel comes around to top up their glasses.

"Ay don't be a sore loser." Maribel teases, pinching Santana's cheek, "Dinner is nearly ready. Santana, can you set the table?"

"Sure mami," Santana nods and pushes herself up, reaching down to grab her glass as well.

"I can help too," Brittany offers and switches off the tv before following Santana into the dining room.

They find that Maribel had started setting the table as there is now a long Fall themed table runner down the middle. There's a vase of fresh flowers and glass candle holders and Maribel brought out the nice place settings too. Santana hands Brittany the fancy dinner plates her family used for special occasions and goes to the old record player set up in the corner. It was her abuelo's and it was the only thing she hoped would be given to her when he passed but she was too afraid to bring it with her to New York when she left so there it has sat.

She freezes when she spots what record had been played last. She remembers listening to that same record for the first time what feels like a million years ago now; all the emotions she felt and the amount of tears she cried. She remembers lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling and wondering why she couldn't just be a normal boy-crazy teenage girl instead of who she really was. Why did she have to be different? Why did she have to love girls?

She cringes as she thinks about the last words she spoke to her abuela and the utter disgust she saw in eyes she never thought could look at her with anything but love. She remembers the heartbreak she tied to the lyrics of the very album that she still continues to struggle with listening to even now. She's out and proud and she loves herself and who she is, but as she holds the record in her hands she feels like that scared little girl all over again.

"What's that?" Brittany asks as she slides behind Santana to retrieve the cutlery. Her eyes glance down at the faded logo then meet Santana's as she looks back, a dejected _oh_ leaves her lips.

"Rumours." Santana answers softly as she begins to slide it back into the record sleeve, "Not really in the mood for that."

Brittany nods as she sets down cutlery for each setting, "I still remember Rumours week in Glee Club. It was one of my favorites."

Santana snorts in disbelief, "Are you sure? There was _so_ much drama going on and didn't you and Artie break up that week too?"

"Who?" Brittany deadpans but when Santana whips around to see if she's joking Brittany smiles softly, "There was a lot of stuff going on that week, definitely, but other good stuff happened too."

"Yeah? Like what?" Santana pauses as she flicks through the few records Maribel has, her back turned towards Brittany. All she remembers is dealing with all the gossip caused by _The Muckraker_ and _Fondue for Two_ and how she was so terrified that people were going to find out that she was gay that she tried to make people believe she was in love with Karofsky, but most of all she remembers the way Brittany looked at her when she said that he was her soulmate. What good could've possibly come from that week?

"You sang _Songbird_ to me." Brittany says timidly as she places the last of the cutlery, "I thought that was-" Brittany pauses and Santana peeks over her shoulder to see the blonde pondering, "It was enough to make up for all the bad stuff that happened. Artie, everyone arguing, the drama; I don't really remember much of that. I only remember you singing to me when I felt really low. It was the first time that wasn't in the car or in our room hidden away somewhere and it was-" She pauses again and looks up to find Santana staring at her. She smiles softly again and shrugs, "It was really beautiful. I felt so loved and I knew in that moment that I'd do anything I could to make you feel just as loved too."

Santana's breath catches in her throat and all she can do is stare back with lips parted. The words don't form, but she doesn't know what to say because that was such a terrifyingly therapeutic experience for her to be able to convey all the things she felt about Brittany in just a song because she was still reeling from the first time she told Brittany how she felt. But singing _Songbird_ was different because Brittany was hurting and the only way Santana knew how to fix that was by continuing to love her.

But to hear Brittany speak about something so special in their past, Santana doesn't know how to react. She spent all this time burying her feelings and the memories, forcing herself to put it all in a box and hide it away. But when Brittany's here reminiscing so easily, Santana can't help but wonder why she had put up the fight for so long. Why does she have to bottle everything up and pretend like it never happened, like _they_ never happened? Especially when those moments were some of the best times of her life. They didn't work out in the end, but that shouldn't mean that the beginning and the middle should be forgotten; Afterall, how could Santana forget her first love?

"Sorry," Brittany mumbles behind a shy smile as she focuses down on straightening the cutlery, "I didn't mean to make you feel weird again."

"You didn't." Santana says quickly and smiles back at Brittany reassuringly, "I was just thinking."

"About what?" Brittany asks hesitantly.

Santana just shrugs as she replies, "I should've sung to you more."

Brittany ducks her head bashfully and after a pause says, "You should've. I would've liked that."

Santana feels her heart swell ten times but she turns back to the record player, busying her hands with choosing a record before she does something she might regret.

Key word: _might_.

 **A/N I'm so sorry I hadn't intended for Thanksgiving to go on this long but damn do I love a slow burn lol. Thank you for your reviews and patience and all the love.**


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

"Alright girls, make way!" Maribel says as she comes into the dining room with the turkey. She sets it down in its place and asks, "Can you both help me bring in the other dishes while I try to carve this thing, please?"

"Sure," Brittany answers and gives Santana one last look before leading the way into the kitchen.

Santana stays rooted in her spot near the record player, stuck in her thoughts, until Maribel calls her name and tells her to help Brittany. She nods and drops the needle before she quickly follows after her. They don't say much as the pick up plates, not that it's a bad thing, it's a comfortable silence despite the fluttery feelings in Santana's stomach.

They carry out the last of the side dishes as Maribel sets into carving the turkey, the soulful tunes of _The Supremes_ playing in the background. Santana lights the candles and Brittany brings out one of the bottles she brought from the fridge and begins pouring into fresh wine glasses. Once Maribel tires of carving, the girls sit and Maribel asks Brittany if it's okay that they pray first.

"Of course," Brittany smiles and takes Maribel's offered hand.

Santana reaches across the table, offering her hand as well, and it feels oddly familiar except there isn't any napkin they need to hide under. When Brittany's fingers slide over her own, there's a jolt of electricity that runs up her arm. The three bow their heads for Maribel's quick prayer before going to make their plates. There's a warmth in the room that Santana had missed and as they settle in their chairs, the glow of the candles and Brittany wiggling a little in her seat to the soft tunes, Santana feels overwhelmed with happiness.

\\\

Midway through dinner, Brittany gets a little more serious and asks, "Could I make a toast?"

"Of course, my dear," Maribel says happily.

Santana nods too, curious as to what Brittany will say.

Brittany clears her throat and holds up her wine glass and it makes Santana smile because she's tipsy and Brittany's still cute when she's a little nervous, "Okay so, I don't really know how toasts work now that I think of it. I've never really given one before but this feels like a special occasion and I want to do something kind of special." Brittany says and Santana can definitely tell now that Brittany's tipsy just from all the rambling but she stays quiet as she begins to speak again, "I just want to say thank you to you both for having me. I didn't think I was up for celebrating this year, I was fine with being alone with like a whole box of pizza and all these bottles of wine and maybe some murder doc on Netflix but that sounds kind of sad now that I say it out loud. I don't know, I guess with my family in California and me being here still, I wasn't in the mood. But then, Maribel, you welcomed me into your family- _again_ \- and I couldn't really say no. It's nice being here even though it's different this time because of how things are-" Brittany pauses again as her eyes dart to Santana and she starts to look a little unsure of herself, "I think I'm getting off topic so I should probably sit down."

"No it's okay, Brittany, you're doing fine." Maribel chuckles but Santana just hangs on every word.

"Uhm, I guess all I'm trying to say is thanks for including me and being my stand-in family for the day. It has been really nice being around you guys again, it feels like old times even if I'm not allowed to do certain things I used to, but that's okay too. I'm just really thankful Maribel found me in the frozen food aisle and invited me over here. I've had such a great day surrounded by great people and I even get to eat great food, so thank you both."

"You're welcome," Maribel beams and places her hand over Brittany's, "You are always welcome in my house."

Santana is at a loss for words so she just smiles softly in return.

"Thank you," Brittany finishes and clears her throat one more time before raising her glass, "Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Santana and Maribel say in unison then they all clink their glasses together before settling in again.

There's hearty laughter and good conversation and Santana finds that for the first time in a long time she feels genuinely content. Maybe that feeling is aided by the wine, bottle number three now, but she can't keep from smiling and stuffing her face, not when Brittany's sitting across from her doing the same thing. She still can't believe after all the panicking and overthinking that Brittany still managed to be here, spending the day with her and Maribel, and things are okay.

"I wish I had a selfie stick," Maribel sighs a little while later.

"No mami, those are lame." Santana teases, reaching for her glass.

"Hey, don't be mean," Brittany chastises lightly and turns to Maribel, "I think they're super helpful."

Maribel nods, "I just want to take a picture of this moment."

"I can take it," Brittany offers but Maribel shakes her head.

"No, I want you to be in it too." Maribel says and Santana finds herself melting again because her mom is awesome and so welcoming, "It's been awhile since I've had a Thanksgiving dinner here, I want to remember this moment."

"Here, I'll set my phone up here and I'll put on a timer." Santana suggests and gets Brittany to scoot in close on the other side of Maribel so they can all fit in the frame. Their smiles are beaming as the timer ticks down until the picture is taken. Santana hands her mom her phone and the three of them coo over how good of a picture it is, before Maribel gets up.

"Text that to me, Santana, I'm going to make your abuela a plate," Maribel says and there's a slight sadness in her tone, "I need to check in on her, but you two don't wait for me to start on dessert."

Santana catches Brittany looking at her like she's waiting for something, but Santana feels too happy to let her abuela affect her this time so she just nods and says, "Okay, mami."

"Hang on," Brittany says and for a split second Santana's heart lurches for what's to come next, but she's pleasantly surprised when Brittany just asks, "Are you okay to drive? You've been drinking.."

Maribel smiles softly, "Not nearly as much as you two. I barely got a glass out of any of those bottles you opened."

Brittany blushes and Santana giggles because she had no idea she was drinking that much. While Maribel gets together a plate for abuela, the girls tidy up the left overs and set off to clean up the kitchen. It becomes a little bit of a difficult task as Santana realizes they've killed off one of Brittany's bottles already, and it's a little more embarrassing now that she knows Maribel hasn't really been drinking any.

\\\

"Do you want to have a rematch?" Brittany calls from the living room while Santana preheats the oven for the apple pie.

Santana can imagine Brittany's proud smirk just judging by her tone and when she enters the room to see Brittany sitting next to the coffee table, she sees she wasn't wrong.

Brittany's smirk turns into a grin as she waves her hand towards the perfectly stacked tower, "It's ready for you..to knock over."

Santana just rolls her eyes as she plops down on the floor across from Brittany, "Game on, Pierce!"

They play enough games to even out their score but Brittany blames it on the alcohol, saying it's the only reason for Santana's suddenly awesome Jenga skills. Santana just wiggles her brows before taking another sip of wine and going to put the pie in.

She really does have a pretty strong buzz going and she hasn't felt her lips since before they cleaned the kitchen, but being the pro that she is, which is also code for being kind of old now, she knows how to stay on this good feeling buzz plateau. She hasn't been black out drunk since probably just after she moved to New York and that experience was enough to last her the rest of her life. She remembers being the annoyingly hysterical drunk back in high school too and she can proudly say she's moved on from that. Now, she's just a sleepy drunk but is that really an upgrade? So when Brittany tops up their glasses, the first pour of their last bottle, Santana wonders how in the world she's lasting this long without falling asleep.

But then she remembers who she's been drinking with and how they're alone in this big house and that thought alone is enough to keep her wide awake. It's a kind of a flashback to their high school days when Santana would beg her mom for Brittany to sleepover and they'd stay up all night binging tv shows and playing board games. Sometimes they'd even sneak into her dad's liquor cabinet and make all sorts of weird concoctions. In their earlier days, those drinks are what gave Santana the courage to act on her feelings before she even knew that's what they were. They'd hide downstairs under a pillow fort, cradling drinks that were way too strong, and they'd steal kisses and giggle about it until they fell asleep.

\\\

They're in the middle of another close game when the buzzer for the apple pie goes off and Santana's stumbling to her feet.

"How convenient, just as I was about to win." Brittany teases as she watches Santana scramble to her feet.

"Don't cheat while I'm gone!" Santana giggles and looks over her shoulder with narrowed eyes, "I'm watching you."

"How? You're in the kitchen!" Brittany calls after her.

Santana just chuckles and gets on her oven mitts so she can safely remove the pie. The room already smells like warm apple and cinnamon but as soon as she opens the oven door, the scent multiplies. It's one of her favorite smells and she can't help the smile that stretches across as she sets the pie down on the rack she laid out on the counter earlier to let it cool before dashing to the doorway into the living room to sneak a peek at Brittany.

"What?" Brittany giggles and throws her hands up defensively, "I'm not touching anything."

"Better not be," Santana tells her then turns back to start getting out the dessert plates and vanilla ice cream.

Once she's able to cut the pie, Santana gets her and Brittany's plates together before carrying them out.

"Hey, look what I found on!" Brittany cheers, pointing the remote to the tv, "It's old episodes of Rizzoli and Isles, remember how much you used to love this show?"

"I loved it a little too much," Santana admits coyly as she glances to the screen, "Oh, this is a good episode though. This one's yours."

"Wow, that smells so good," Brittany compliments as Santana sets down the plate, "Awh, you made me a plate too. You're so sweet."

Santana knows Brittany's just being her usual playful self and she shouldn't get so worked up over a simple compliment, but she can't fight the blush that creeps up her cheeks as she adds, "I gave you extra ice cream. I know how you like to drown it all until it's a mushy mess."

"Yup, just how I like it!" Brittany grins although she knows Santana's teasing her then says, "I didn't think I could eat anything else but.." She cuts a small piece off and combines it with the ice cream then takes a bite. She moans at the taste but the innocent sound makes Santana swallow dryly, recalling those same sounds when Brittany used to eat something other than pie.

Santana quickly tries thinking of anything other than _those_ thoughts, remembering that's another thing that happens when she hits a certain point in her buzz, but horniness has always been a side effect of hers. It explains the fact that she rarely left a party or club alone and she can't decide if she's proud or embarrassed of that fact, but now is not the time for it.

They move up onto the couch while they eat dessert, but they leave a comically large space between themselves as they focus on the screen. There's a palpable amount of tension in the room and Santana keeps her eyes trained so hard on the screen like if she happened to glance in Brittany's direction she might just combust.

What makes it worse is that every so often she can actually feel Brittany's eyes on her and it warms her skin in the best ways and it makes her wonder what would happen if she _did_ look back? What if she put her plate down and faced her? What if she scooted closer, ending the distance between them? What if she wondered what Brittany's lips felt like, if they were still the softest lips she has ever kissed? What if she were to lean over and check, even if they're covered in cinnamon and vanilla ice cream? Would Brittany let her? Would Brittany even mind?

They're about halfway through a second episode when Maribel returns. The keys jingling against the door knocks back Santana's thoughts and she looks dazedly to the entry.

"I'm back! Did you two save me some apple pie?" Maribel teases after she hangs up her coat. She kisses the tops of their heads as she walks behind them on her way to the kitchen, something she always used to do whenever coming home back in their high school days and the act makes Santana's stomach flip because it's just another reminder of her and Brittany's history and how well she fits in still.

"Yeah, it's just on the counter." Santana says, her voice a little raspier after going so long without speaking, too engrossed in the episode and her not so innocent thoughts.

"Thank you," Maribel calls out, now in the kitchen, "And thank you for cleaning up! I'm still pretty full. I might just save it for tomorrow. Do you girls want anymore?"

"Do you?" Santana asks Brittany. The blonde looks to Santana and her eyes are a little half-lidded as she shakes her head. Santana calls out, "No thanks!" Then she turns back to Brittany, "You're looking a little tired. Bored of Rizzoli and Isles?"

Brittany shakes her head and fights back a yawn as she says, "No, no. I'm just chilling," Then she pauses and looks to Santana, "Unless that's my cue to leave?"

Before Santana can say anything, Maribel reemerges, "Leave? I don't think so."

"Why? Am I being kidnapped?" Brittany deadpans and it makes Santana and Maribel laugh.

"No, but you've drinking and it's way too late for you to drive home now." Maribel answers and suddenly Santana isn't laughing anymore. She gulps because she knows exactly where this is going and there's nothing she can do about it.

"I-I haven't had that much." Brittany replies but even she knows that's a lie, you can just tell by the tone of her voice, "Okay maybe I have."

Maribel just chuckles and says, "That's what I thought. You'll stay the night."

"Uhh, are you sure that's okay?" Brittany asks uncertainly, "I don't want to be a bother. I already crashed your like whole day."

"Of course it's okay! What's the other option?" Maribel asks a little sassily, "You sleep outside in your car until morning? No way, don't be silly. We have a perfectly good guest room or there's this comfy couch or Santana's r-"

"Mami.." Santana warns and Maribel begins to smirk, "I'm tipsy but I'm not _that_ tipsy."

"I'm just joking. Geez!" Maribel sighs then says under her breath, "You know, there was once a time when I couldn't separate you two for the life of me," Then looks to Brittany and says in a kinder tone, "Take your pick, my dear, you know where everything is or ask Santana. I'm leaving it for you two to figure out, I'm tired and I'm going to bed now. Goodnight girls."

"Goodnight," Santana and Brittany say in unison again.

Santana just watches as Maribel heads up the stairs until she's out of sight; leave it to her mother to stir the pot one last time.

 **A/N Okay, I have one final chapter on Thanksgiving and that's it! LOL I'm sorry**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N - I got too excited to wait, here's another chapter! Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 17

Santana's heart thuds hard in her chest because even though it's something they used to do all the time, they haven't slept together under the same roof in years. Not that they'd be sleeping _together together_ but just knowing that Brittany's going to be there all night has Santana's head spinning and this time she doesn't think it has anything to do with alcohol. She wants to play it cool, but she would be lying if she didn't feel a flood of emotions.

"So." Brittany sighs as she begins to look unsure again.

"So." Santana mimics, watching Brittany's facial expression shift, "You aren't thinking about sleeping in your car, are you?"

"I-I don't want to make things weird." Brittany admits and Santana picks up on the use of that word once again.

"You aren't," Santana assures her then asks, "What's weird about sleeping off a buzz in a nice warm house?"

"Nothing," Brittany says then let's out a sigh, "But I'm sleeping it off _here_ , in my ex-girlfriend's childhood home."

Santana stiffens at her former title and braces herself for everything to come crashing down.

"There's just…so much history here," Brittany glances around the room looking forelorn and adds, "The number of times we were nearly caught making out on this couch when we were supposed to be doing homework, all the mornings we spent dancing in the kitchen while we made breakfast after a sleepover even though you're not really a breakfast person, so many nights I'd sneak into your room through your window just because you missed me too much, how beautiful you looked coming down those stairs in your prom dress and how your mom wouldn't stop taking pictures of us until we were pulling out of your driveway. It's a lot, Santana."

Santana's breath is caught in her throat because she really wasn't expecting Brittany to say all of that and she kind of wishes now that she drained her wine glass or drank way more than she did to ease whatever this is turning into. She's not nearly as drunk for this kind of conversation, especially with the feelings she's been trying to wrangle all night.

Brittany sighs again and she tucks her hair behind her ear, her arms crossing her chest protectively, "I know it's not just me that feels it. You think about it all too, I can see it."

Santana's brows furrow as she tries to lie, "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Brittany smirks, "I think you forget how much I know you, Santana." Then her smirk fades into something more serious, "We've got a lot of history, we both know that, but I guess what I struggle with most, and I think you might too, is what am I supposed to do with all that history? I know I said we should start over, but it's hard. Am I supposed to just forget about it all? We've grown in the past five years and some things have changed, but some things really haven't. You're still the same Santana to me. So do I pretend like I don't know you like I do? It's tricky and I don't know really know what to do."

Brittany looks to Santana like she's searching for the answer, but Santana still struggles with it all herself. How is she meant to help when she hasn't figure out how to move on from it all either? She doesn't know what to say, it's not some simple fix.

"You can stay the night," Santana finally says and watches Brittany soften, "I know that's not the answer you're looking for, but I-I don't know what to say. You're right, we have history but I just- I don't know. I can only think about right now." Santana pauses and takes a steadying breath, "And right now, all I know is that it's too cold outside for you to try and sleep in your car. We're friends so what kind of friend would I be if I let you do that? Besides, my mom's right. We have a guest room or the couch so why not at least be comfortable?"

Brittany purses her lips a little and Santana knows for certain now that that isn't where Brittany wanted to the conversation to go, so Santana adds, "If you'd like, you can leave at the break of dawn or whatever, you don't even have to say anything before you go if you feel that weird, but at least get _some_ sleep first."

"It's not that, I just-" Brittany starts to protest but after a moment she just relents with a soft smile, "Okay, I'll stay but I'm sleeping down here."

Santana raises a brow, "You sure? There's an actual bed in the guest room upstairs."

"Yeah, definitely," Brittany assures and settles deeper into the couch a little stubbornly but Santana picks up on a hint of playfulness in her tone, "I know how _touchy feely_ you get when you've been drinking." Brittany begins to smirk and Santana knows what she's hinting at and begins to blush.

"Excuse me, I have self-control thank you very much." Santana defends but it just makes Brittany giggle.

"Whatever you say," Brittany chuckles, "But I'll be just fine right here."

Santana tries to laugh off her slight embarrassment and rises to her feet, "Alright, whatever then. Did you want to come up and grab a change of clothes or are you worried I might seduce you?"

Brittany's jaw drops before she sputters out a chuckle, "I'd love to see you try."

Santana just raises a brow at the challenge.

"I'm kidding," Brittany says then rubs the part of her thighs that aren't covered by her skirt, "Maybe I will borrow some pajama pants?"

Santana nods, "Okay, come on."

"Okay," Brittany says and goes to follow Santana upstairs.

\\\

"Woah, your room is so clean." Brittany comments as she waits for Santana to dig up an extra pair of pajama pants, "I haven't seen it this neat since you were packing up for Louisville."

"It's not that neat, I just don't have much stuff anymore." Santana says as she pulls out a pair of loose-fitting flannel pants, "Are these okay?"

Santana turns to find Brittany staring at her desk and suddenly her heart begins to pound wildly. She doesn't move nearly as fast enough before Brittany's reaching for the picture frame.

"Oh, that must've fallen." Santana lies, feeling the need to make an excuse for the frame being upturned or explain herself but Brittany barely gives her a second glance before she smirks.

"I did the same to mine," Brittany admits as she smiles softly down at the picture.

Santana swallows back the guilt although she should feel relieved because she isn't the only one that has a hard time looking at that picture.

"You know, I brought it with me when I left for MIT. I don't know why, we weren't even speaking." Brittany admits, "I guess I just wanted something to remind me of home so I didn't feel so alone over there and this is what I picked."

Santana's heart lurches because she reminds Brittany of _Home_ , even if she wasn't around and it only just barely scratches the surface of what Brittany went through in those years. But she remembers what Sam had told her when it came to Brittany and MIT, so she focuses on that, wondering if now's the time Brittany will open up to her about it all.

"You don't talk about MIT much," Santana points out.

But Brittany smile falters, "There's not much to talk about."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Santana asks and she's honestly pretty proud of herself for forming the words. She wants Brittany to see her as someone she can talk to about things that bother her, she wants to be there for her.

But Brittany doesn't say anything right away. She just keeps her eyes down at the frame in her hands but Santana can tell she's caught up in her thoughts instead of looking at the picture there and it really makes her wonder what the hell happened there.

"I don't think I do," Brittany finally says and she sounds so small, "At least, not right now." Santana watches as Brittany sets the frame back where she found it. She then goes to reach for the pants Santana offered and smiles softly, "Thanks."

"That's okay," Santana replies then offers, "I'll grab you a toothbrush too, mom keeps spares under the sink."

Minutes later, Santana returns to find Brittany patiently sitting at the edge of Santana's bed. For a moment, Santana is reminded of that exact same image she grew up with of Brittany waiting on her on the edge of her bed while she finished her make up or did her hair or looked for an outfit. Santana would say five more minutes and Brittany would call her out for lying because she said that five minutes ago, but Brittany really didn't mind because she was always rewarded with kisses for being _so_ patient. The memories are comforting and Santana smiles at the thought.

"What?" Brittany smiles too but Santana just shakes her head and says it's nothing before handing Brittany the toothbrush.

"Did you need anything else?" Santana asks.

Brittany shakes her head, "I think this is it. I'll just change downstairs."

It's Santana's turn to nod and she feels that same palpable tension from earlier return. She feels like there's more to be said, but she's not sure what so instead she just says, "Okay then, I guess this is goodnight."

"I guess so. Goodnight, Santana." Brittany smiles before turning away to head downstairs.

Santana just stands there, listening to Brittany's footsteps get further and further away. She lets out a deep sigh and goes to hold her head in her hands. She feels a cross between wanting to yell and wanting to cry because there were so many times tonight that she felt as if she had taken one step forward and two steps back. She feels so much hanging over her, looming, but she doesn't know what it is exactly. It's like she's missed something and she begins going over the minor details in her head to see if she can figure it out.

She continues to replay the night in her mind as she gets ready for bed, trying to pinpoint the moments that she could've improved on or times she wish she would've just kept her mouth shut. But through all the overthinking, she finds herself remembering that Brittany is here and she's just downstairs and she wonders while she gets changed if Brittany's doing the same and while she brushes her teether she imagines Brittany doing it too.

As she turns off the lights in her room, she moves to her bed and retrieves the sweater she hides under her pillow. She holds the material in her hands and replays the memory of how she got it before holding it close, hugging it to her chest. She finds herself thinking about Brittany stretched out on the couch downstairs and she wonders if she's comfortable. She finds herself longing for the days they used to cuddle up together on cold winter nights on that same couch as they'd sip on hot chocolate and watch Netflix. Some of her best nights' sleep were in Brittany's arms and it saddens her how she took that for granted so long ago.

Before Santana slips under her covers, the cool sheets chilling her bare legs, she tries her best to clear her mind. But it feels colder than usual and she wonders if that's just her drunken heart playing mind games on her, trying to entice her to somehow manage to get Brittany in her bed. But she remembers her boundaries so instead, she pulls the sweater over head and wraps herself up in its familiar warmth as she snuggles down against her pillows. As soon as her head hits the pillow, she realizes she's pretty exhausted and she's so ready for sleep, but then the faint spinning feeling makes her head whirl. She almost forgot about the amount of wine that's in her system and it makes the room spin faster the longer she lies there. She wills herself to stay still, hoping that she'll be able to fall asleep before it gets worse and she is successful in dozing off but it doesn't last long. Her eyes shut for what feels like ten or fifteen minutes before they're open again; she tosses and turns and dozes off only to stir away again. That happens a couple of times before Santana finally grows weary and pushes herself to sit up against her headboard.

She takes deep, calming breaths and tries to relax as much as possible. She stares out into the darkness of her room and finds herself wondering again about Brittany, this time wondering if she's struggling with the beginning of the aftermath of their near four bottles of wine they crushed. She wonders if she'll sleep well on the couch and that she's warm, but then she realizes she never gave Brittany a blanket. There's the throw blanket Maribel always keep on the couch, but Santana knows how cold it gets downstairs and that's not nearly enough.

So she makes quick work of getting out of bed and slipping into her fuzzy purple booties then heading for the linen closet, kicking herself for forgetting in the first place. She finds the fluffiest fleece blanket she can find that doesn't smell like moth balls before quietly heading downstairs.

Key word _quietly_ because the last thing she needs is for Maribel teasing her in the morning about sneaking downstairs to see Brittany.

When she gets to the living room, the tv is still on but the volume is turned down almost all the way. Brittany's left it on the Animal Planet and Santana smiles because some things never change, remembering that Brittany loved watching Animal Planet before bed growing up too. When Santana peeks over the back of the couch, she finds Brittany is fast asleep but she instantly regrets not remembering sooner because the throw blanket barely covers Brittany's ankles and on a closer look, she's even shivering a little.

Santana quickly opens up the blanket and delicately places it over Brittany, careful not to stir her as she tucks her in, making sure to cover up Brittany's feet. Once she's sure Brittany's all wrapped up and warm, Santana rewards herself with a brief moment to admire just how peaceful Brittany looks with the glow of the tv illuminating them both in cool tones, casting shadows all over the room. Santana takes note of the slow inhales and exhales of Brittany's breathing and the sudden need to caress her cheek, wondering if her skin is still as soft as it looks is overwhelming.

And maybe it's the alcohol still coursing through her that makes her do it or maybe it's just pure adrenaline, but Santana leans over and brushes away stray strands of hair that have fallen in Brittany's face and she tucks them behind her ear instead. And she's close, the closest she's been yet and it's like she's frozen there, trying to fight off this magnetic pull towards Brittany. It's a losing battle, but with Brittany's eyes closed, Santana gets a sudden burst of courage.

She presses her lips softly against Brittany's cheek and it's so delicate that if she wasn't so focused on actually doing it and not waking Brittany she might've thought it never happened. But it does and she holds her lips there, her eyes closing, trying to memorize the feel of Brittany's warm skin against her lips like it would be the last.

Santana's heart flutters as she pulls away and opens her eyes, only this time dark blue eyes stare back. Santana instantly freezes, mortified that she's been caught.

"You missed." Brittany says simply and there's a husky, sleep-heavy tone in her voice that makes Santana feel like she might be dreaming the whole thing.

"I missed?" Santana wonders aloud but then Brittany's sitting up and her hand moves to cradle Santana's cheek.

"Yeah, you missed," Brittany husks and tilts Santana's chin towards her until their lips are just a breath away. She pauses there for a brief second, like she's weighing out if this is a bad idea or not but then Brittany urges their lips together and as soon as they collide, Santana's heart just about bursts free of her chest.

Over the years, Santana subconsciously tried hanging onto what it felt like to kiss Brittany, hoping she would be able to remember what it felt to kiss someone she was completely, head over heels in love with, but this feels different. She feels like she's dreaming and maybe she is? Maybe this is just some elaborate drunken dream and none of this is actually happening.

But then Brittany's other hand tangles into Santana's hair, deepening the kiss, and suddenly the line between reality and a dream blur even further. The move pulls a whimper from Santana's lips and she feels as if she's going to float away.

She's definitely dreaming and since she is, and none of this is actually happening, Santana makes a bolder move. Santana pushes back against Brittany until Brittany's leaning against the arm of the couch. She deepens the kiss and it's a little rougher, hungrier, and it makes Santana's head cloud. She still feels like the room is spinning, but this time she thinks it's all because of Brittany.

She doesn't think this dream could get any more perfect but then Brittany's hand leaves Santana's cheek and it slides down her side and the feeling of Brittany's fingers dancing along her ribcage has Santana's breath hitching. But then Brittany's grabbing a fistful of Santana's sweater and-

Brittany pulls away slightly, eyes hazy with lust as she looks down Santana's torso, "Is this my sweater?"

Santana gulps and goes to bite her lip, but instantly regrets that as they're a bit swollen and taste faintly of toothpaste and Brittany. She says coyly, "Well, you _did_ say I could wear it.."

"But to sleep in?" Brittany says then smirks as she moves to whisper against Santana's lips, "You're cute."

"Shut up," Santana giggles before closing the distance with another heated kiss.

It's in that moment that Santana realizes that she isn't dreaming, not at all. That feeling she was trying to remember earlier? That's the feeling of coming home.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

When Santana awakes the next morning, there's a dull throbbing at the back of her head. It's followed by the distinct sound of buzzing and it takes her a little longer than she'd like to admit to figure out what the noise is and where it's coming from. She refuses to open her eyes in attempt to hopefully fall back asleep but it doesn't work. For a split second, it all feels familiar and she thinks she's back in her tiny apartment in New York but she lets out a groan and rolls onto her side. She can tell the buzzing is coming from her phone but whoever is calling or texting her or whatever is just going to have to wait until she's ready for all that. She has no idea what time it is and she's perfectly fine with never finding out.

But as she snuggles back into the softness of her pillow, a content smile gracing her lips, she remembers everything, like _everything_ , and it's enough to have her feeling wide awake. Maybe not _that_ awake, but she opens her eyes nonetheless and looks around.

She's back in her bedroom, alone, and can only vaguely recall how she got there. She remembers sneaking downstairs to bring Brittany a blanket last night and how it was supposed to be just that, but then Brittany looked so cute while she slept and Santana couldn't help herself. She remembers Brittany saying she _missed_ when Santana kissed her cheek and then she remembers everything that happened after. It felt like a dream, to be that close to Brittany and to feel her lips on her once again, but dreams don't last forever and at some point you have to wake up.

\\\

Santana's wake up call happened in the form of accidentally knocking over the Jenga tower with her foot when Brittany tried pulling her on top of her. It was an instant mood killer since the noise scared the crap out of them both enough to have them jolting apart. They wondered if the sound would wake Maribel too and the last thing Santana needed was for her mom to catch them in a pretty compromising position after she has spent so long dispelling her thoughts of her and Brittany getting back together.

But instead, they giggled about it as Santana pushed further away from Brittany to collect the fallen pieces.

"Technically, that was our tie breaker." Brittany said, sitting up again to watch, "So I'm still reigning champ."

Santana narrowed her eyes as she picked the last piece off the floor and set it on the coffee table, "That didn't count."

"Why not?" Brittany smirked, pulling Santana closer again by her sweater.

"I don't know," She moved to kneel in the space between the coffee table and the couch and watched as the blonde began to smile mischievously, "I-I was clearly distracted."

"Why's that?" Brittany teased and began to lean in.

All Santana could get out was a breathy chuckle before their lips met once again. This time it was soft and slow and her insides turned to mush at the warm fluttery feelings. But then the little voice in her head that always reminded her to stop and think grew louder and louder and soon her heart couldn't drown out what her head was warning her about. Santana had a sudden burst of extreme clarity and it caused her to freeze. She knew exactly where this was going if she continued and even though it's been too long of a time and she would _so_ love to reconnect with Brittany in that way, she didn't want it to be like this. Everything that led to this moment, all the years they missed out on in each other's lives and the slow rebuilding of their friendship was too great, too important to be reduced to sneaking around in the middle of the night drunkenly making out. That seemed like the easy way out and after everything they've been through, they owed it to themselves to do things right this time.

There were obviously some things that they needed to sort out first and they probably shouldn't complicate it even more with sex just because Brittany's super hot and Santana can't control her emotions.

She brought her hands up to Brittany's cheeks and used everything in her to push away.

"What are you doing?" Brittany pouted and it nearly made Santana abandon all thought.

But she didn't as she sat back on her heels, shaking her head, "I-I should go back to my room. We shouldn't be doing this."

"Oh," Brittany's pout morphed into a frown, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Santana sighed, "Of course not."

Brittany didn't look convinced, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Santana instantly straightened and pressed a reassuring kiss to her lips without even thinking, "I just…we should just think about this, about whatever is going on here because…" Santana began to stammer as her nerves got the best of her, "Well yeah, you know, it's a lot. We're kind of supposed to be friends right now and, not that I'm complaining or anything, but friends aren't supposed to kiss each other like _that_ so we should probably like…I don't know? Talk about things first, make sure we're on the same page?"

Brittany softens and it takes her a moment to say anything. She rests further back against the couch and says through a proud smile, "Well look at you, _Miss Santana Lopez_ , wanting to talk about feelings first."

Santana turns bashful as her cheeks tint a shade of red and she lifts her shoulder in response, "I mean, it's probably important."

"Yeah, probably." Brittany chuckles lightly as her eyes sparkle, "We can talk first then."

"Okay," Santana says and rises to her feet. She crosses her arms over her chest for warmth but lingers there, unsure of what she should do now, "So I guess this is goodnight…again?"

"I guess it is," Brittany grins, "Goodnight, Santana."

Santana returns the smile, "Goodnight, Britt."

\\\

When Santana finally reaches for her phone, she finds a few notifications from Quinn which she scrolls past and settles on the most recent text which is from Brittany. Her heart instantly skips a beat and she's a little embarrassed of that because she hasn't even opened the message yet, but that feeling morphs into something different as soon as she reads what the text says.

 _Brittany P. – Hey, can you give me a call when you wake up?_

Something low in Santana's gut churns and suddenly she feels like something is looming over her like a dark cloud that's about to open up and unleash everything she's been too afraid to admit might happen. Maybe she's reading way too into a simple text but she thinks about last night and all the wine involved and maybe it was all a big mistake? Santana takes note of the lack of emojis and uses that as a possible indication that maybe Brittany wants to tell her that this thing between them that they've been trying so hard to put down can't happen because – well, Santana can't think of a reason, but maybe Brittany has?

Santana's head throbs even more so the instant she sits up and it's almost enough to have her burrowing back under the sheets, too afraid to pull herself out of bed and accept the consequences. She wants to say she regrets what she has done, but she really can't. The last time Brittany kissed her the way she did last night, she took for granted, she didn't think the next time would be more than five years later. So all this time she's been hanging onto that feeling, hoping it could be recreated with someone else but it's no surprise that it couldn't be. Brittany's her home and she always has been; no matter how far she ran, no matter how long she stayed away.

Santana sits up a little straighter and she takes a steadying breath to ease her nerves. She hates how quickly she jumps to conclusions and the way she overthinks and analyzes everything little thing, like she's trying to sabotage her own possibility for happiness and it sucks. She thinks back to last night and she tries to find the proof that could support these claims of Brittany maybe wanting to end everything before it even begins.

The funny thing is though is that she can't.

If anything, all Santana can think of is even more proof that maybe Brittany doesn't want to put their thing down. Maybe, _just maybe_ , Brittany is open to try again.

\\\

Santana ends up taking a long shower first to sort out her thoughts before attempting to give Brittany a call. She really just needs to chill the hell out and taking a long shower is the best she can do considering the hangover she's beginning to deal with as well. By the time she gets out and is somewhat dressed for the day, she hears her phone buzzing yet again. With just a glance at the screen she can see several missed calls from Quinn followed by another text from Brittany. She's instantly worried and swipes to unlock the screen.

 _Quinn F. – Give me a call ASAP_

 _Quinn F. – WAKE TF UP LOPEZ!_

 _Quinn F. – ANSWER YOUR PHONE!_

 _Quinn F. – How are you still asleep…_

 _Quinn F. – Nvm Britt's handling it_

As Santana reads through the texts, her confusion grows. What exactly is Brittany _handling_? She swipes out and opens the most recent text from Brittany.

 _Brittany P. – hey S, can you meet me at Frank's when you get this_

Santana barely shoots Brittany a reply that she's on her way before she's scrambling around her room for a jacket and some shoes.

Frank's is a diner just out of the city and has always been their hideaway for whenever they needed to get away from everyone in Lima. They first found it just after Brittany and Artie broke up. Brittany wanted to go for a drive that afternoon and Santana tagged along. For the most part, they just sat in silence listening to whatever was on the radio. Brittany looked like she was going to breakdown at any moment but Santana couldn't find the words to console her because, no matter how bad it hurt to admit it, Santana knew that Brittany really did care for Artie and their relationship and it wouldn't make Brittany feel any better if Santana went all Lima Heights. She had to let Brittany process her feelings and those emotions on her own first, even if it broke her to just stand aside and watch for now. Brittany didn't need the bitter Santana who secretly envied Artie, or any boy for that matter, who could hold Brittany's hand when they walked the halls and didn't have to hide if they kissed in public. Brittany needed the one who was caring and loyal and the most lovable dork despite what everyone else thought; she needed her best friend.

So when Brittany finally pulled into the parking lot of some janky diner in the middle of nowhere after what seemed like hours of driving, Santana just obediently followed her inside. If just being there is what Brittany needed, that's what Santana gave her.

After that, Frank's became their second Breadstix. Whenever they needed to escape, they came to Frank's. No one knew them there and they never had to worry about running into anyone from school either. It was nice; they felt free. After Santana found out she lost the race for Junior Prom Queen to Kurt freaking Hummel and she was completely devasted, they came to Frank's. When they lost National's, no thanks to Rachel and Finn's gross public display of affection that they subjected the entire audience to including the judges which Santana still gets kind of pissed about, Brittany and Santana came to Frank's. When Santana found out about Salazar's ad airing and she was sure that her entire family would disown her and she'd be living on the streets by the end of the night; they came to Frank's. When it ended up only being Santana's abuela that couldn't stand the thought of her being a lesbian; they came to Frank's.

So to see that place specifically in Brittany's text, Santana knew something serious was up. On the drive over, she wracked her brain for what could possibly be going on but she honestly had no idea. The fact that Quinn was involved really threw her off so she thought it couldn't have anything to do with what happened the night before. Unless Brittany told Quinn, but Santana doesn't really see that happening either.

\\\

When she arrives, Santana finds Brittany's car easily since the parking lot is practically empty and parks next to it before heading inside. It's cold, a lot colder than yesterday, and she tugs her leather jacket closed as she hurries in, somewhat bracing herself for whatever she getting herself into. The bells chime when she enters and the guy behind the counter smiles in greeting. Santana smiles back but then quickly begins scanning the place for a blonde head poking out from one of the booths.

"Santana," A familiar voice calls out and she turns in its direction to find Brittany waving. It's no surprise that she's sitting at their usual booth in the back corner near the windows and there's a smile on her face, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. There's a change in Brittany's demeanor that seems so familiar but Santana can't quite put her finger on it.

It worries Santana, but she goes to her nonetheless.

"Hey Britt," Santana says as she slides into the booth across from the blonde, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Brittany replies as she starts fiddling with a sugar packet, "Thanks for coming. I know it's a long drive."

The sincerity in her voice is almost a relief, but there's still something unspoken weighing them down and Santana can't figure out what it is. But before Santana can press for more information, a waitress walks up to the table and asks Santana if she'd like anything.

"Just a coffee is fine," Santana answers politely, "Thanks."

The woman nods and leaves the girls to talk. Not even five minutes go by before there's a warm mug placed in front of Santana and the smell of fresh brewed coffee clouding her senses.

"So are you going to tell me what this is all about?" Santana asks as she stirs in milk and sugar. The fact that Brittany's just been sitting there silently makes Santana even more anxious, but Brittany finally looks up.

"God, where do I even start." Brittany sighs and begins to rub at her temples, "You haven't talked to Quinn?"

Santana's heart races, "Please don't tell me someone has suddenly died again because I am too hungover for that right now. Was it Mr. Schue? Do we need to take over the Glee Club now too?"

"No, no..Mr. Schue's fine. I think?" Brittany says and starts to go a little off track, "I haven't actually talked to him in a while…I should probably give him a call soon. Maybe-"

"Britt, focus." Santana urges, "You're kind of freaking me out."

"I'm sorry." Brittany bites at the corner of her lip before letting out a sigh and leaning in closer, "It's about one of the girls on the squad."

"Oh?"

"Quinn called and told me everything after she tried getting in touch with you since she's still in New Haven and can't really do anything. I thought I would try to handle it on my own because, you know, I have a little experience with this kind of thing and Quinn said that I'm better at comforting people but I don't know-"

"Hold up," Santana stops her then lowers her voice, "Is someone pregnant?"

"Not that I know of," Brittany deadpans then shakes her head, "But I do think I might be a little in over my head so that's why I called you. Well, Quinn was the one calling you first but you weren't answering which I get because Quinn can be a little much. I think she knows that too, so she called me to try and get in contact with you but you weren't answering me either." Brittany pauses and her tone softens again, "Then I thought that maybe, after last night, I-I might've scared you off? And maybe that's why you weren't answering. So I told Quinn I'd take care of it but I really think you're the one that's best suited for this. You can make the connection that I can't and I think that's what is important right now. For her to feel like she's not alone and I knew if I said I was at Frank's, you'd get it and you'd come. So here we are."

Santana just blinks slowly, still trying to process all the information, "And _why_ are we here exactly and who from the squad is this all about? I'm still confused."

"Well," Brittany drawls out but she's cut off when someone approaches the table again.

"Hey Coach, you're in my seat."

Santana whips her head up to see none other than her archnemesis, the antichrist herself, Alexandra Carpenter, standing there in her infamous Cheerios jacket, hands dug in its pockets. There's her usual smirk on her lips but what Santana notices first is her red, puffy eyes. She would make a joke about getting busted for being high or something, but judging by the tear stained cheeks and red nose, this isn't really the time for teasing.

"And you look like crap." Santana says because she really couldn't help herself. Alex folds her arms across her chest and frowns. Santana finds their similarities are astonishing.

"Santana.." Brittany scolds softly but Alex wasn't too bothered, use to their banter.

"Says you." Alex replies but Santana barely gives her a second glance before looking back at Brittany.

"Okay Britt, please fill me in because I am definitely missing something here." Santana says and looks back at Alex, "What's she doing here?"

"Sorry!" Brittany apologizes quickly while Alex slides into her side of the booth instead since Santana hadn't moved, "I might've left out a few details."

"You think?" Santana laughs because she doesn't know how else to respond when she's completely lost.

"Do you want to explain what happened?" Brittany asks Alex and there's that same softness in her voice again. Santana scrunches her nose at the use of it; why waste it on that brat?

Alex looks up at her a little skeptically and for a moment Santana can make out a scared little girl behind the usual tough girl façade. There's a flash of fear and guilt and embarrassment in her eyes that she's all too familiar with and suddenly Santana thinks she might know where this is going.

"My parents found out," Alex says and its barely above a whisper, "About _me_."

Santana doesn't need Alex to clarify; she knows what she means so she just stays quiet as tears well in Alex's eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N - Back to back updates? Who is she? LOL I got excited again..enjoy!**

CHAPTER 19

"So they had to work yesterday," Alex begins recalling the night, "Like who even works on Thanksgiving? And like, apparently they couldn't get out of it either. _Or_ whatever was going on at the office was more important than being with me. Typical. But Maddy came over later so I wouldn't be alone for dinner."

Santana glances at Brittany but she's already looking back at her knowingly.

"She had made me a plate and brought it to me from her house and we had our own Thanksgiving, just us." Alex begins to smile and Santana can't remember ever seeing her look that content, "It was really cool; I found some candles and I took some of my dad's good whiskey, which is really gross by the way. Then Maddy stayed the night and we-"

"You can spare us _those_ details.." Brittany reminds her and it makes Santana chuckle.

"I was just gonna say we watched a movie." Alex huffed and Santana's glad that there's still some sass in her, but that quickly fades, "So anyway, my parents ended up coming home early and we hadn't heard them come in a-and…they kind of walked in on us." Alex adds and suddenly her voice cracks, "They were so pissed, I've never seen them that angry. Like I thought they were angry when I placed second one year in gymnastics, but that was _nothing_ compared to this. They looked so disgusted. Like it wasn't just the fact that I got caught, it was _who_ I got caught with." Santana frowns as Alex stares down at the table, her eyes squeezed shut, "They told Maddy to get out then they told me to get my things and get out too. They gave me fifteen minutes to grab whatever I could and that was it. They didn't care how late it was, they just wanted me out. They couldn't even look at me when they said it."

"Shit," Santana mutters beneath her breath then asks, "Where did you stay last night? With Maddy? Please don't tell me you were on the streets."

"She wanted to sneak me into her's but I couldn't," Alex shakes her head, "I-I couldn't have the same thing happen there, I couldn't risk that. I don't know how her parents would react, I didn't want to ruin her relationship with them too. I went to stay with my friend from gymnastics instead, but I don't think I can stay there again. Her parents and my parents are kind of close so it's only a matter of time before word spreads and they shut me out too."

"God, would they do that?" Santana questions in disbelief, "That seems so harsh."

Alex just shrugs, "I-I have no idea."

Santana looks at Alex with a heavy heart as the girl covers her face in her hands. She looks up at Brittany again who looks equally distraught. When Brittany said she was the one better suited for this, she had no idea how true that would be until now. Not that she's gone through anything like Alex, but she knows how it feels to have a loved one push you away without a second thought just because of who she is. She remembers exactly how it felt to see the change in her abuela the moment the words left her lips. One second Santana was her favorite granddaughter in the whole world and the next…she was nothing. It's something she wouldn't wish on anyone and it breaks Santana's heart to think that after all these years kids still have to deal with this crap.

"It's okay," Brittany coos, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder as she starts to whimper, "Everything's going to be okay."

"Get off me." Alex suddenly snaps and shrugs off Brittany's hand. Santana grits her teeth at the movement but Brittany just shakes her head almost like she's telling Santana _don't worry about it_. Santana begrudgingly nods _okay_ and watches as Alex falls apart, " _Everything's going to be okay?_ Bullshit. My parents just kicked me out and now I have nowhere to go. It's only a matter of time before the entire school finds out about me and Maddy and then what? How is any of that okay?" The switch in her demeanor happens quick and the next minute the tough girl façade is back. She rubs her nose on her sleeve and tries to fight back the tears, "I-I don't know why Coach Q called you, I-I can take care of myself. I don't need your help, I'll figure it out on my own. I'm fine!"

Santana clenches her teeth as she watches Alex retreat into herself and it's like looking into a mirror of her younger self.

Brittany backs off and sends Santana another look before turning back to Alex, "You're not fine, Alex, so let us help you. You reached out first so there must be a reason why you did." She says and Alex's frown deepens, "There are some things that you shouldn't have to deal with by yourself and that's why she called us. She can't be here right now, but we can. We care about you and want you to know that you're not alone."

"You care about me? Why?" Alex questions as she gets up in a huff, "You don't know me. You know nothing about me!"

Brittany frowns and Santana can tell that Alex's word cut her a little that time. She just glances at Santana but Santana just nods and turns to look back at Alex with a steely gaze.

"And that's where you're wrong, kid." Santana says simply and there's just a hint of bite in her tone as she rounds on her, "I know _exactly_ who you are."

Alex just stares back, matching Santana's glare before she storms off.

"Alex, wait!" Brittany calls after her, already sliding out of the booth but Santana stops her.

"Don't Britt," Santana tells her, "Let her cool off out there."

"See why I called you? I can't get through to her," Brittany mutters as the two follow Alex with their eyes as she exits the diner and sits on the curb. Brittany frowns and shakes her head, "I feel so awful, Santana."

And it's in the way the words leave her lips that Santana can tell she's being genuine. Not that Brittany can be anything but genuine when someone's clearly hurting, but this feels different.

"Me too," Santana nods as they watch Alex bury her face in her sleeves again, "Since when did we become the Mr. Schue's of the Cheerios?" There's a light-heartedness in her tone, but it barely gets a smile out of Brittany. She turns solemn instead and looks back out at Alex. "Hey, don't worry. I'll go out there in a sec. I'll talk to her."

When she turns back, she catches Brittany's eye and there's sadness there but she doesn't think it's all meant for Alex.

"That could've been you, Santana." Brittany whispers and Santana's shoulders instantly droop, "Your mom's religious and your dad's super concerned about his image and maintaining his reputation…I don't know. How does having a gay daughter fit into all of that? All those times I spent the night, what if they caught us? What if they reacted the way Alex's parents did?" Brittany's eyes drift off to Alex again, "I-I don't know what I would've done if they kicked you out like that. How could someone who was supposed to love you forever, your family…how do they just do _that_ to their kid?"

Santana's throat tightens at the thought and her mind drifts to thinking about her abuela. It wasn't a walk in the park when she came out to her parents, she obviously wasn't ready but it was better coming from her than for them to find out through everyone else. And sure, it took Maribel a little while to get used to but deep down she always had that feeling that Santana was gay so it was much easier for her to accept it. It should've been the same for her dad, but she doesn't think he ever quite made it around and maybe he's still working on accepting Santana and being as welcoming and supportive as Maribel. But her parents reacted nothing like Alex's and she has to be at least thankful for that.

"We've got to help her somehow," Brittany says but she sounds so determined, " _I_ have to help her."

Santana frowns at the way she emphasizes her last words and tries to assure her, "And we will, Britt."

"I have to do more this time," Brittany says and it's like a promise.

" _This_ time?" Santana ponders, "What do you mean?"

"I-I didn't do nearly as much for you as I should've back then. I could've been around more." Brittany finally admits and Santana instantly slumps back.

"You were around plenty." Santana says, "What are you talking about?"

"I wasn't though," Brittany urges, "It took me ages to find you after you were called into Sue's about the ad."

"That's…That's not your fault though?" Santana reminds her, "I didn't tell you.."

"What about Finn?" Brittany asks and Santana deflates again, "I didn't even know about all the horrible things he said to you until _after_ we performed. I knew something was wrong but I didn't know until it was too late. I should've been there, I should've told him to mind his business, I should've protected you and I didn't."

"Brittany.." Santana mutters because it's all she can say as she watches the blonde continue her list of guilts.

"And that stupid lady music week in Glee Club," Brittany grumbles, "I just sat there and watched as our friends turned everything into a complete joke. I mean, I guess they thought they were helping but they don't know you like I do so I should've done something. You were hurting and I just let them make it worse." Santana stammers but nothing comes out, "And what about abuela?" Brittany asks and Santana freezes, "I should've gone with you. I should've waited outside or something but I didn't even think to offer. I let you go in there all alone."

Santana shakes her head, "Stop it. You can't blame yourself for those things that happened to me because they were happening to you too. Maybe not in the same way and maybe they hurt you a little differently, but they happened and if we're keeping count of who dropped the ball then I guess I'm right up there with you."

Brittany just lets out a sigh and she doesn't look completely convinced but she ends up nodding, "I just want to help her. I want to be better."

Santana takes a deep breath and reaches across the table, placing her hand over top Brittany's. She doesn't say anything, just runs her thumb over the back of her hand and for now it's enough.

\\\

"Hey." Santana says as she takes a seat on the curb next to Alex a little while later. She leaves a little space between them as she reaches in her jacket pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. Surprisingly, she hasn't had one in weeks so they're probably gross and stale but Santana doesn't do heart to hearts and she needs something to take the edge off. So she pulls one out and holds it between her lips before offering one to Alex, "Want one?"

Alex just scoffs, "You're a teacher. Aren't you supposed to be discouraging me from bad habits?"

Santana just chuckles as she lights the tip, "First of all, I'm not a teacher. And second of all, are you trying to tell me you haven't smoked before? I had my first in Freshman year at a Cheerios party."

"You're _so_ cool." Alex quips and it makes Santana smile.

"You have _no_ idea," Santana replies sarcastically and takes a drag.

They sit in silence for a while, mainly because Santana's unsure of how to even begin or what she's meant to say. She never thought of herself as a mentor or whatever so this is really outside of her comfort zone, but she genuinely feels for the girl and she wants to help. She thinks back to her junior year when she really began thinking about her sexuality and the only people who she truly felt comfortable enough to talk to were Brittany and Ms. Holliday. She kind of looked up to her and when Santana thinks about it, Ms. Holliday was the only adult she knew of that really helped her through figuring out her sexuality and teaching her how to process those feelings in a healthy way. If it wasn't for her it probably would've taken way longer for her to admit her true feelings and embrace who she was.

But there's no way Santana would consider herself role model material, not like Ms. Holliday, but Alex needs someone like her at a time like this so Santana has to at least try to fill those heels.

"Are you just going to sit there silently subjecting me to your second-hand smoke?" Alex grumbles and for a second Santana wonders how she can still be so snarky and why she's even doing this again. But she remembers how bad she needed an attitude adjustment back then when she was dealing with everything too and it's enough to make her stay.

She takes the last drag of her cigarette before putting it out on the curb next to her.

"Look, I know being a complete pain in my ass is how you process your feelings or whatever but can you cut the crap for like two seconds." Santana says and Alex's brow raises. She swallows thickly and tries to use a softer tone, "Everything you're feeling right now, that aggression and sadness and guilt and shame? I _get_ it and you know why I know that? Because I felt the same exact thing back when I was trying to pretend to be someone I'm not. I buried those feelings that made me feel vulnerable and replaced them with anger because I didn't want people to think I was weak. I was on the Cheerios, same as you, and I was so worried about my reputation and how people saw me that I rather pretend to be someone else. It is so easy to busy yourself with being mad at the world and everyone in it instead of processing those feelings you're trying to hide, but that shit catches up to you."

Santana pauses because she's not sure if she's on the right track with this and glances back to see Brittany staring at her through the window. She gives her an encouraging nod, almost like she knew Santana was struggling and it makes her smile. She turns back to Alex and tries again, "What you're going through with your parents, that's something no one should ever have to go through and everything you're feeling is totally valid. It really sucks. My grandma reacted sort of similar when I came out and it broke me..."

"Wait…you're…gay?" Alex stammers like it's the only thing that landed out of everything Santana said, but Santana just chuckles.

"I am." Santana replies and she's so proud of the fact that she is able to admit that now so easily.

"I-I didn't know," Alex says and begins to shift awkwardly, "You don't look it.."

"Yeah, I grew my flattop out a few years ago and I wasn't really into jicama." Santana tries to joke but it goes right over Alex's head, "Gays come in all shapes and sizes, with or without the flannel."

"Right.." Alex mutters, "So were you sent out here to give me a pep talk or something about being gay is okay? Everything gets better? If so, save your breath. I've seen the pamphlets."

Santana smirks, "God, how are we not related?"

Alex just rolls her eyes.

"Look, I'm here because I've always been known for keeping it real and being straight," Santana continues when Alex looks back at her, "Straight-forward that is. So I won't tell you that things will be okay because I know that's the last thing you want to hear right now. Everything sucks and all you want to do right now is cry and feel crappy about who you are and why God, or whoever is up there, made you this way if it meant you have to lose your family because of it. It feels like the world has ended and there's no way up from here, right?"

"This isn't a very good pep talk." Alex comments and it makes Santana smirk, "But yeah, it does feel like that."

"Well, I'm not here to give you a pep talk. I won't lie and say that crappy feeling will go away soon, because it won't. It'll feel like that for a while, but you know what? It doesn't last forever. It'll be hard but you'll eventually move forward and start to accept who you are. You don't want people in your life who don't support you, the _you_ that you truly are." Santana pauses, recalling the nearly exact words her mom once said to her, "Once you start to realize that, that's when it stops hurting so much."

"Maddy's the only person that knows," Alex admits quietly, "A-and I guess you guys too, but I-I don't think I'm ready to tell people."

Santana remembers how she wasn't ready either and that she didn't really have a choice when it came to coming out thanks to Salazar's ad and Finn, but she doesn't want to scare Alex with those possibilities. She thinks Alex has gone through enough with her parents and hopes that from here she can have more control on how she comes out.

"That's okay, you decide when you want to tell people. It took me awhile to feel comfortable in my own skin too." Santana replies, "There's no rush in figuring stuff out."

"I guess.." Alex mumbles, unconvinced, "I just – I can't believe this is happening."

Santana freezes; recalling the exact words she uttered so long ago too. She remembers how small she felt in Sue's office when they had called her in to give her the news that day. She remembers the soul crushing fear and how angry she was that her private life was caught in the cross-fires of a war she wasn't even involved in. She remembers running down the empty halls as fast as she could, eyes blurred from the stream of tears that ran down her cheeks. She didn't know what she was supposed to do from there, she didn't know where to go, where to hide from this inevitable monster.

Her mistake was not finding Brittany sooner. For a second, she thought she'd spare her from this, from all her drama and the talks and the looks but that's where she was wrong. Brittany wanted to be there for her through it all, their trip to Frank's confirmed that.

She takes a shaky breath, willing herself from going too far down memory lane and she focuses back on Alex who looks like she's about to shatter into a million pieces.

"I'm so sorry, Alex." Santana says sincerely, "No one should go through this; It's horrible and family should love you no matter what. You and I both know that that isn't always true. But in a way, you're one of the lucky ones. Where you lack in supportive family, you make up for in supportive friends. You have people that _want_ to be there for you, people who care about you, people you can lean on, people who want to help you: Maddy, your squad, Coach Q, Coach B…me."

"You can't stand me." Alex replies and it makes Santana chuckle.

"That's not true," Santana denies, "You just remind me of me when I was your age."

Alex looks up at her and smirks, "You were super talented, smart, and super awesome?"

"What do you mean _were_? I still am!" Santana quips and Alex giggles for what seems like the first time all day. It makes Santana feel proud, like maybe she isn't so bad at these heart to hearts?

"I-I don't want anyone to pity me." Alex mutters a little while later, "I don't want people to treat me differently."

"Then don't let them," Santana shrugs, "I know it's easier said than done, but you'll figure it out. You have to remember that your sexuality doesn't define who you are, you're so much more than that. And look, although you and I might not always see eye to eye, I want you to know that you can always talk to me if you need anything. I'm clearly not a counselor or whatever but I'm here and that counts for something. You are definitely not alone in this. Just don't be a jerk and push everyone away when things get hard, take it from me it makes things so much harder than they need to be. You have to learn that it's okay to need people."

Alex wipes her tears and gives Santana a nod, "Thanks."

"Sure." Santana nods too and they settle in silence again.

"Hey coach?" Alex asks a few minutes later.

"Yeah?"

"Does it get better?" Alex mumbles, "That's what everyone says, right? _It gets better_ , but is it true?"

The question makes Santana take a deep breath as she thinks back to the early years of coming out and everything that followed. She was outed twice practically, disowned by her grandma, and partially avoided by her father. She dealt with anxiety and some bouts of depression and she was really tested.

But then she thinks about Brittany and everything good that came from her love and support and how it was all she needed to overcome everything. In all their ups and downs, Brittany was always a prominent figure in her life whether they were dating or not and she always encouraged her to be herself. She was the _only_ one that did. When Santana thinks about it, if it wasn't for Brittany and her support, she could still be hiding from who she truly is.

She glances over her shoulder again to see if Brittany is watching.

Santana's not really surprised when she finds that Brittany still is and it makes her heart swell, because even after all this time Brittany is still Santana's number one fan. And it makes her think about if it wasn't for how completely in love she was with Brittany and all those feelings that were so strong that she could no longer hide from them, she wouldn't have looked for help. It was Brittany who acted like her guiding light and whenever she was met with some obstacle, she just thought of Brittany and how everything she's doing, everything she's going through, the pain and the fear, it would all be worth it in the end if it meant she had the slightest chance to be with Brittany.

So when Santana thinks about Alex's question, the answer is pretty simple.

"Yeah," Santana says and turns to look at Alex again, "It does."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N - So sorry for the long wait! I have one more week of the semester and it's been pretty full on so I haven't had the time to write, but hopefully you like this one. Thanks for being patient & enjoy!**

CHAPTER 20

After a few more minutes sitting outside, Santana is able to coax Alex into returning to their table where Brittany awaits them. There's another change in Alex's attitude only this time she's a lot less snappy. There's still that touch of banter between her and Santana, but Alex is much more easier to handle when she's not being so argumentative.

The three of them end up splitting a basket of fries while they try to help Alex figure out her next move. They find out Alex has a cousin who could be open to helping, which Santana wonders why Alex didn't bring her up before.

Santana and Brittany listen quietly as Alex makes the call, ready to snatch the phone if there is so much as a frown on Alex's face.

But Alex's cousin agrees to take her in for the time being, despite Alex not telling her why she needs somewhere to stay in the first place. She's around their age and Santana hopes that means she's a progressive thinker unlike Alex's parents. Alex already looks relieved to hear she has a place to stay for the night and Santana and Brittany take that as a win. They spend the next hour making sure Alex is all sorted and that she makes sure she keeps them in the loop in case anything else happens.

"I mean it," Santana urges, "Remember what we talked about. We're here for you so don't be a punk about speaking up."

"Okay," Alex answers softly but that just makes Santana quirk her brow. Alex sighs and sits a little straighter as she adds, "I will. I promise."

"Good." Santana nods and just barely misses the proud grin Brittany wears from the corner of her eye.

Another few minutes later, Maddy arrives to pick Alex up and take her to her cousin's.

"Let us know if you need anything," Brittany says to Alex as she gets up to leave.

Alex nods, "I will. And thanks again…for everything."

Santana and Brittany just smile and say their goodbyes. They watch out the window as Alex disappears into Maddy's car and the two are off. Once the car is too far gone in the distance, Santana turns away and lets out a deep sigh.

"That was a lot." Santana exhales and now it's her turn to massage her temples, "Like a _lot_."

"Yeah. I'm sorry for dragging you all the way out here. It just made sense to come here." Brittany says and it makes Santana peek up at her. It's the first time since she's gotten to Frank's that she's able to really look at Brittany without her being so preoccupied with Alex. There are darkening circles around her tired eyes and they don't seem to shine as they did yesterday. She wonders how well she slept and if she's also nursing a hangover.

"Don't be sorry, it was for a good cause." Santana replies with a small smile instead then looks around the diner, "Plus, I've kind of missed this place.."

"Yeah, me too," Brittany nods, "But this isn't exactly how I imagined seeing you again after last night."

For some reason, Brittany's words make Santana blush. She doesn't say anything though and instead looks out the window again, hiding from Brittany's gaze.

"You did really well," Brittany compliments shortly after, "With Alex, I mean."

"So did you," Santana says but Brittany shakes her head.

"No way, not like you. I thought I would because of how you react to me and you guys are weirdly similar, so I thought I'd have the same effect but clearly I thought wrong."

Santana frowns at Brittany's words, "But at least you tried though and that has to count for something, right?"

"I guess."

Santana's frown deepens and remembers what Brittany said earlier about feeling guilty for how things went down in high school and she doesn't wants Brittany to ever feel like that again.

"Hey," Santana says softly and it makes Brittany peek up at her, "I think you did great. You were there for her and she needed that, even if she doesn't know it yet. You were there for her even if she tried pushing you away. You stood your ground and that's really important for her in the long run," Santana pauses and wonders if she's talking about Alex anymore but she continues on, "She needs people like us in her life. Please don't beat yourself up over this, okay?"

It takes Brittany awhile to answer but she soon nods, "Okay."

"Okay," Santana repeats and tries to add a little lightness to their conversation, "She's a tough one to crack, but we made it in the end."

"Yeah she is," Brittany agrees and chuckles, "I knew you'd be able to connect with her in a way I couldn't. I think you really are a good mentor."

"Thanks," Santana bashfully tells her, "I don't know how helpful I was though, I'm not really an advice giver."

"Sure you are," Brittany replies then shrugs, "You give me advice."

"When?" Santana chuckles, turning back to look at her.

"I don't know," Brittany replies simply, "You've helped me loads of times. There's just so many that I can't think of one thing in particular."

Santana ponders for a moment then says dismissively, "Yeah, but you're different."

Brittany scrunches her brows and asks, "Why?"

The question makes Santana pause and really think about her answer. Brittany's always been Santana's soft spot, her exception, a person her body just reacts differently to on its own but it's hard to put into words why that is.

Well, it's not hard.

She has a slight inclination as to why that is, but to admit that it's still the reason _now_ makes her nervous. It's like she's admitting that during those five years they spent apart without any contact there was always a little piece of her that held on to them and ever since they've been around each other that little piece just grows more and more.

But when Santana thinks about that and everything's that happened since reconnecting, would admitting something like still having feelings for Brittany be so bad?

She doesn't know. It's been a long day and she feels too mentally drained after Alex to think about her own inner conflicts, so she just shrugs.

"Because you're my best friend." Santana tells her which isn't a complete lie, but as soon as the words leave her lips it feels wrong. They leave a bad taste in her mouth and Santana can't help but feel a little guilty. Her eyes never quite reach Brittany's after she says it and a weird uneasy feeling settles low in her stomach. It's the same feeling she'd get back in high school whenever she wanted to say that one thing she really wanted to say, but instead _You're my best friend_ comes out. It's true but it isn't what she means, it's not what she feels.

Santana finds a sugar packet and fiddles with the paper, hoping Brittany's too tired to comment on it.

But nothing gets past Brittany.

"Best friend, huh?" Brittany questions and begins to smirk, "Is that how we're going to do this again?"

Santana picks up instantly on the sarcasm in Brittany's voice despite her facial expression and it reminds her of all the times Brittany would call her out on her shit and she was the only one who could get away with it. Anyone else who dared facing Santana would get a visit from Aunty Snixxx, but not Brittany. Brittany had a way of getting through to Santana that a lot of people weren't able to do. Sometimes Santana was really thankful for Brittany who took the time to learn her, but other times, like this, she wished Brittany would just let things go over her head.

"I didn't say that," Santana tries and watches Brittany rest back with her brow quirked, "I mean, I _did_ but it's not what I meant."

Brittany tilts her head to the side, the Cheshire grin growing, "What _did_ you mean then?"

Santana presses her lips together as Brittany watches her. She knows what she's doing and judging by the playful glint in Brittany's eyes, so does Brittany. In another time in Santana's life, this conversation would have her hurdling towards a panic attack, but this feels different. Maybe it has something to do with helping Alex or maybe it has something to do with the way Brittany kissed her last night. The way Brittany looks at her makes her feel like she's been caught in a lie, but the smile that accompanies it makes her stomach feel fluttery.

"I think you know what I meant." Santana says finally and Brittany giggles.

" _I think_ I want to hear you say it." Brittany tells her in a low, husky tone and it has Santana crossing her legs tightly.

Santana tries to play it off with a laugh that sounds more nervous than anything.

"Well, I think I'm way too tired and hungover to get into this right now." Santana replies passively and Brittany doesn't even try to hide her eyeroll.

"You will be the death of me, Santana Lopez." Brittany sighs as she crosses her arms over her chest. Despite her words, she really doesn't seem annoyed or aggravated with her because the way Brittany looks at her makes Santana feel so soft.

"But what a way to go, am I right?" Santana teases.

Brittany just shakes her head although she can't help but grin.

"We should go," Santana says a little while after, "I don't know about you but my head is killing me and didn't get nearly enough sleep as I should've."

It takes Brittany a moment but she ends up nodding too, "Yeah, I need several naps."

"Me too, let's get out of here." Santana says and moves to stand after leaving some cash on the table to cover their bill.

\\\

They make their way to their cars, but they keep a slow pace despite how the cold wind blows around the crunchy Fall leaves. As much as Santana would like to rush home and dive back under the warmth of her covers, she'll miss being around Brittany and she finds herself savoring every moment she can with her.

But there is this giant, pink elephant in the room and Santana supposes she should properly address it before they go their separate ways. Her stomach is in knots as they near their cars, time running out.

"Thanks again," Brittany says first as she digs around in her pocket for her keys, "For helping me today and stuff."

"No biggie," Santana replies, sounding less nervous than she actually is. She watches as Brittany continues to look for her keys and wonders if this is her way of stalling too.

"Ah-ha!" Brittany announces triumphantly and pulls her keys from her bag, "I was worried I locked them in the car and that would not be fun."

"No it wouldn't be." Santana chuckles and watches as Brittany fiddles with the key fob. She looks like she's waiting for Santana to say something more and it makes Santana's stomach churn. But the words don't come and it seems that the longer they stand there the colder it gets.

"So I better get going then," Brittany finally says after several awkward minutes of silence and Santana just staring like an idiot, "I'll see you later?"

It feels like a fist is wrapped around her vocal chords and her heart is about to burst, so Santana just nods and she hates herself for it. She hates that her heart and her head battle so fiercely and reduce her to silence.

"Okay cool," Brittany smiles softly although there is slight confusion in her blue eyes, "Well bye, Santana, drive safe."

Just as Brittany turns away to unlock her car, something miraculous happens: Santana speaks.

"Britt wait," She says and watches Brittany turn back around with her brows raised questioningly.

Santana gulps and tries to force away all the negative thoughts and doubts then says, "I want to talk about last night."

"Okay," Brittany grins and rests back against her car, crossing her arms.

Santana licks her lips and takes a deep breath as she nods, "I…I haven't felt that happy in a long while. I usually spend Thanksgiving alone or work through it so it was a really nice change to be back at home, eating an actual homecooked meal around people that mean a lot to me."

"Me too," Brittany adds and it makes Santana smile shyly.

"And I want to talk about the kiss." Santana says and she feels a mix of relief and anticipation for how Brittany will respond, "It was unexpected, but I liked it. But despite what we might've told each other to make ourselves feel better about cheating on our boyfriends when we were younger, friends aren't supposed to kiss like that."

"I think we're passed trying to be friends," Brittany replies, "Don't you think?"

Santana swallows hard and nods, "Yeah, I think we both know there's something here still, between you and I."

"Because for some odd reason you just can't get enough of me," Brittany smirks and it makes Santana let out a belly laugh, easing some of her nerves.

"Maybe so," Santana says a little more solemnly, "But like I said before, I want to do things right this time and talk first instead of just blurring the lines like we usually do."

"So are you trying to say you want to court me?" Brittany asks but there's a glint in her eye that tells Santana she's only half teasing.

"Maybe? I don't know." Santana shrugs, "I just think about how we're older now and I can do things that I was too afraid to do before. Not just because I was afraid to ask you, but because I couldn't handle the dirty looks and what people might say about us. But that's different now because I don't care about those things anymore. I can ask you out on dates that don't involve being hidden for the majority of the time like going out to eat at real restaurants or something. We don't even need to use a napkin anymore. I can lean across the table and kiss you if I want to and I can hold your hand when we walk around in public because I'm proud of who I am and I don't care who sees because if I want to hold the hand of someone I love then I will and I won't let anyone stop me."

The last words leave her lips too quickly to catch and it makes her press her lips tightly together like she's willing them from continuing to overshare. She watches Brittany watch her and waits for what seems like hours for some kind of reaction but she remains stoic and that only makes Santana even more nervous. It's not like she explicitly said she loved her, it was more inferred and really it was all just a hypothetical scenario so it wasn't like it was something that could really happen.

"So anyway, that's how I feel about that." Santana mutters after too much silence, "Hopefully that's okay with you."

"Of course it is," Brittany says and reaches out her hands for Santana's. The warmth is comforting and Santana finds herself stepping closer, being drawn in. Blue eyes flicker between Santana's as Brittany inhales and says softly, "It feels really good to be around, Santana, you make me feel like a girl again, like my body wakes up."

Santana smiles and feels Brittany's fingers tangle with hers.

"And I'm really proud of how much you've grown." Her words take Santana by surprise but she remains quiet. "I always knew you'd get there and even though it makes me kind of sad that I wasn't around to witness all the little steps you were making, I'm really glad I'm here now."

Santana's so incredibly touched by her words that all she manages to do is smile, "Brittany.."

"I hope I can help you to continue to grow into this awesome person you are becoming because I really want to be with you, Santana." Brittany adds and it instantly makes Santana freeze, "I've tried recreating what you and I have and it just doesn't work. And being around you again after so long and all the time we've spent together over these past months pretending that we aren't completely in love with each other is just…it's a waste of time because I'm sure now more than ever that I belong with you."

Santana just stares wide-eyed as Brittany pours her heart out to her but despite looking completely terrified, Santana feels nothing but relief because Brittany just gave her all the reassurance she needs.

"And I know you said you wanted to take things a little slower this time around and do things right, which I totally respect," Brittany says, "But I'll tell you right now, none of that changes how much I already love you. I'm here if you want me, I'm not going anywhere."

Santana can't help herself any longer and pushes up to her toes, crashing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Brittany smiles into the kiss and it makes Santana's heart soar because she deprived herself of this for so long, she believed it to be the impossible but now look at them. She was so wrong to ever think that it wouldn't be her and Brittany against the world in the end, because what kind of life is that without her Brittany?

Her head is swimming with thoughts but she really can't think straight with the way Brittany's lips feel against her and she hadn't known it was possible, but this kiss feels even better than the one from the night before. Last night felt like coming home, but this? This is finding out that home isn't just _your_ home, its also the home of someone you love _and_ that someone loves you too _and_ it smells like fresh baked cookies _and_ there's a roaring fire going in the fireplace _and_ there's a dog that runs to greet you followed by the sound of excited little feet attached to adorable little ones with blonde hair that call you _mommy._

Last night might've felt like coming home, but this? This feels like Santana's future.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N - So sorry to keep everyone waiting for so long...hope you're still around. Better late than never, right? I'm on a roll with completing stories lately and I've always had this one in the back of my mind for so long so I've finally decided to revisit it. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 21

The wheels of the plane from New Haven barely hit the tarmac before Quinn is texting Santana and Brittany to ask if they want to grab a coffee. Santana figures Quinn must be dying to know what happened with Alex because _she_ sure didn't call Quinn up to tell her. She also highly doubts Brittany had the time to do it either.

They've both been…busy.

Not like that, they've just had their own things to deal with. You know, _private_ feelings.

Like knowing Britt still loves her after all these years and Santana wanting to do things right this time. Brittany had teased Santana about being courted, but Santana kind of liked the idea of taking things slow. There were still so many things about Brittany she didn't know and the thought of learning her all over again sounded nice.

 _Brittany P. – You free to meet up with Q?_

Santana sees the text from Brittany and it makes her smile. It's so reminiscent of their high school days when Quinn would message the _Unholy Trinity_ group chat but Santana and Brittany would text each other on the side to confirm what they wanted to do first before replying. They've grown so much over the years, but the text just shows Santana that some things never do change. Do they?

 _Santana L. – Yeah, hbu?_

 _Brittany P. – Yup!_

Santana swipes into the group chat and sends a text agreeing to meet up which is closely followed by Brittany saying the same. Quinn's all too quick to provide the when and where before Santana sets off to get dressed. She's nearly made it to her closet when her phone goes off again. It's a private text from Brittany.

 _Brittany P. – I'm glad you're free. I've kinda missed your face._

Santana feels a heat rise up the back of her neck and cover the apples of her cheeks upon reading the text. She quickly types out a reply, trying to keep her cool.

 _Santana L. – It's only been like…2 days?_

 _Brittany P. – 2 days too long!_

And just like that, Santana feels like a silly school girl again blushing over a cute text from Brittany. She remembered at time back in high school when Brittany would make it her mission during class to break Santana's _bitch face_ with an onslaught of cute texts that she would totally make fun of if they had come from anyone else but Britt. Sometimes she'd send corny pick-up lines or puns are just straight compliment the crap out of her. Either way, Santana never stood a chance.

She was like putty in Brittany's hands.

Apparently after all this time, she still is.

She ruffles up her hair and positions the camera towards her. She gives it a cheeky grin and snap the selfie before sending it off to Brittany, followed by a text.

 _Santana L. – Don't want to deprive you of this beautiful mug._

Brittany texts back almost instantly.

 _Brittany P. – hubba hubba!_

A picture of herself sporting the cheesiest of grins accompanies the new text and Santana laughs at the combination. She makes a point to set the picture as Brittany's new Caller Id later.

\\\

When Santana steps outside, she's surprised by how cold it is. With years of having to wear a Cheerios skirt no matter the weather and 5 years worth of living in New York, Santana was pretty immune to the cold but today seemed to be a dramatic drop in temperature.

Then again, now that it was December could she really be that surprised? She let that thought sit with her for a moment as she slid into her Honda. December already? Time was flying by, the school years was nearly halfway over!

What is she going to do after?

She hadn't really given it too much thought. She figured she would head back to New York, but things were changing. It wasn't just her future anymore, it was Brittany's too. And maybe she's jumping the gun a little, fast-forwarding that far ahead after she told Britt she wanted to take things slow, but that talk would have to come up eventually, wouldn't it?

Santana shakes away the thoughts, they're too heavy for the lack of caffeine in her system, and sets them on the back burner for now before she goes to start her car. She twists the key in the ignition and _surprise surprise_ it doesn't roar to life.

"Seriously?" Santana frowns and tries again but it's no use. Her little Honda refuses to start up. She lets out a sigh and glances over to the empty spot in the driveway where her mom's SUV is usually parked if Maribel didn't happen to be at work right now. Santana rolls her eyes and tries to start the car one more time before giving up.

It feels a bit like déjà vu; Santana's car refusing to work right before the first Unholy Trinity meeting at the beginning of the school year which ended up making her late. She had felt so bad for making her friends wait for her and here she was about to do it again. Back then she had to figure out her useless car on her own, but again, things were different.

Santana heads back inside for warmth and fishes her phone out from her purse before making the call.

 _"Hey Santana!"_ Brittany greets enthusiastically, albeit slightly out of breath. The sound makes Santana's mouth go dry, remembering other times where Brittany sounded just as breathless.

"Hey Britt! Are you…running?"

 _"Kind of,"_ Brittany answers through a chuckle, _"What's up?"_

"Do you think I could catch a ride with you to meet up with Quinn?" Santana asks a little nervously, "My car is being a piece of shit again and refusing to do the one thing it was built to freaking do."

 _"It's probably just mad at you for still not taking it in,_ " Brittany teases her, _"But yeah, I can totally pick you up! Be around in 10?"_

"Thanks Britt," Santana grins, "I'll see you soon."

 _"Kay bye!"_

It's ridiculous to think how all of a sudden Santana's heart starts beating a little faster and her movements become more fidgety in anticipation for Brittany to come over. She really wishes she could get a grip, but after everything that happened on Thanksgiving and their talk after seeing Alex it's hard to control. She couldn't get over the fact that Britt still loved her and they still had a chance to make things right. She couldn't believe it, after all the years of struggling and pushing away those feelings, there was still something there for them.

Britt had said that her body wakes up whenever she's around Santana and now Santana totally gets it.

Santana's body wakes up around Brittany too and she has missed that feeling so much.

\\\

There are a couple knocks at the front door, but she doesn't have to check to know that it's Brittany. Other than the fact that Santana knew she would be coming, Brittany still taps the same signature rhythm with her knuckles.

"Hey, I would've-" Santana's words get caught as her eyes land on Brittany.

Her blonde hair falls from her messy bun in cute tendrils, something that's prone to happening whenever Brittany breaks a sweat. In fact, she glistens and steam rises from the top of her head against the cold air. Santana wonders how the hell she isn't freezing, but she can't comprehend much as her eyes start to rake up Brittany's body on their own.

She's dressed in baggy red sweat pants and a black sports bra that's damp with sweat and it's barely covered by the pathetic excuse for a t-shirt. The material is so thin it's practically see through and Santana can literally count each one of Brittany's abs.

Santana's swallows dryly because _woah_.

Brittany's still got it. Then again, did she ever really lose it? Apparently not, she just got hotter.

There's a muffled chuckle that brings Santana's eyes to meet mischievous blues. Brittany smirks and adjusts the strap of her duffle bag on her shoulder. Santana didn't even realize she was carrying it.

"Hey Santana."

"Sorry, hey Britt. Come in," Santana gestures, not wanting Britt to catch a cold with the lack of clothes she has on, "Why are you so…sweaty?"

"My dance class ran a little late so I didn't have time to get ready there," Brittany explains, "Could I change here?"

Santana begins to picture Brittany's lithe body breaking it down in dance class and _god_ since when did she become such a desperate mess? She blames the lack of sex and Brittany.

She thinks how they kind of go hand in hand, but she quickly pushes that thought away.

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Did you want to shower too?"

"I should," Brittany says, "Class was really intense today."

"I can see that," Santana comments without thinking but covers it with a smile, "Go shower. I'll tell Quinn we'll be late."

"Thanks," Brittany grins and presses a kiss to Santana's cheek as she walks by.

Santana turns and watches as Brittany head up the stairs, a dopey grin filing her face as her eyes land on Brittany's perfect ass.

\\\

That dopey grin is replaced by something of annoyance as Santana and Brittany sit across from Quinn at Starbucks a little later. Brittany is busy talking about her class and how they can incorporate some of the elements into their set for Sectionals since it'll be coming up soon, but Santana can't focus with how Quinn keeps glancing between her and Brittany so analytically.

Quinn's _itching_ to say something, Santana can tell, but she won't interrupt Brittany when she's speaking so passionately. She stays engaged and listens intently, but Santana knows the minute Brittany stops it'll be fair game and she's not ready for all that.

It makes Santana nervous; not because she wants to hide whatever is going on between her and Brittany, but because it's too new to hash out over lattes. It was literally a day ago that they were even suggesting picking up their thing again, so Quinn would just have to wait until they sorted everything out themselves.

Santana holds out a little hope though. Quinn's a lot more mature now than she was in high school, softer even, but she's still the same ole' Quinn in some aspects and Santana really doesn't want to lure her out with talking about relationships.

But of course it's a difficult topic to dodge when Alex is brought up. Santana and Brittany explain everything that happened at Frank's and where Alex is now. It was already hard to miss the similarities between Alex and Santana, but it's even more so now. It's common knowledge so Santana's glad that neither Quinn nor Brittany decided to delve into that. Instead Quinn says how thankful she is that Santana and Britt were around to help Alex and she's a little upset that she missed out.

Quinn talks about being mentors and wanting to have a positive impact on the squad, something that was hit or miss when they were all in school because Sue could be so horrible and it wasn't a secret that Mr. Schue had his favorites.

They could all agree that they wanted to do better if they could help it. When Quinn says she thinks Santana and Brittany did a great job with Alex and would make Ms. Holliday proud, Santana nearly gets choked up if she weren't so badass. Ms. Holliday helped her and Brittany through so much so to be compared to her is a lot for Santana. If it weren't for her, it would've taken her way longer to come to terms with her feelings. Maybe she never would've?

She owed Ms. Holliday everything.

Brittany thanks Quinn for them though and nuzzles into Santana's side for a hug like she can sense Santana's struggle. Santana's grateful but she can't help but smile at the scent of her shampoo wafting from Brittany's hair, reminding her further of their new closeness. She catches Quinn's analytical eye again and quickly turns up the snark.

"Who knew the holidays could turn you into a big softy, _Quinnie_." Santana comments as Brittany pulls away. She already misses the warmth but she miraculously keeps from frowning about it.

Quinn just rolls her eyes and smirks, "You're one to talk, _Satan_."

\\\

After a refill, Quinn goes on to ask how everyone's Thanksgiving went. Santana really feels like Quinn is trying to set her up here. Or maybe, Santana's just feeling a little paranoid because Quinn always has that look like she _knows_ something you don't.

It seems that Santana's the only one that's trying to make it a bigger deal than it is, because Brittany easily fills Quinn in on how great it was to spend Thanksgiving with Santana and Maribel. She excitedly goes over the events of the night, but thankfully leaves out the more _intimate_ details.

"I'm glad you didn't have to spend it alone, Britt," Quinn comments genuinely then looks to Santana, "It sounds like you guys had a lot of fun. I knew including Britt would be a good idea!"

Santana bites her cheek and narrows her eyes. She knows Quinn isn't trying to be a pain in her ass on purpose judging by her tone, but the way she's always silently rooting for them is embarrassing and makes Santana feel jittery. But more importantly, Brittany wasn't aware of the fact that Santana had been considering inviting her to dinner and she doesn't want to that to hurt Brittany's feelings or for her to misunderstand.

Santana just wasn't brave enough at the time and if Maribel didn't invite Brittany over, then she and Santana wouldn't have had such a great time and they would've never had the chance to reconnect like they did. There was no way of knowing Thanksgiving was going to have such an impact on their progress, but it doesn't keep her from regretting her lack of bravery.

She hates that it still has the ability to dictate how their relationship pans out and unfortunately, that's just another thing that hasn't changed.

Santana scowls at how fast her thoughts are moving and she's about two seconds away from saying something witty to take the attention off of her when she feels Brittany's hand slip over her knee. Her knee twitches at the unexpected move, but she soon relaxes at the gentle squeeze Brittany gives her.

The gesture instantly softens her up and she glances over at Brittany who remains looking at Quinn like nothing's happened, but it's all the reassurance she needs for now.

"Oh no, Maribel invited me." Brittany clarifies and squeezes Santana's knee again, "We ran into each other at the grocery story. Not literally, but she did need help reaching something from the top shelf. She invited me over, but I didn't want to impose. Santana was the one who convinced me to stay."

When Brittany puts it _that_ way, it eases more of Santana's nerves. She didn't even consider the amount of courage it took her to ask Brittany to stay. She always loved Brittany's ability to turn her negatives into positives and she ducks her head in a quiet thanks.

Quinn smiles at them, but it's more loving than her usual Queen Bitch Smirk. It makes Santana roll her eyes although her stomach flips from the fluttery feelings brought on by the feel of Brittany's hand on her. She's sure now that Quinn is on to them, but she doesn't want to get into that right now.

"Shut up, Q." Santana grumbles as she subtly overlaps Brittany's hand with her own before taking a sip of her latte with her free one.

Quinn just laughs and waves her off, "I wasn't saying anything."

\\\

They spend the rest of the time talking about Sectionals and developing a game plan. They've been preparing for awhile now, maybe just before Thanksgiving break let out because they knew the squad would start to get less focused the closer the break came. For the most part, they felt ready and were confident that the squad felt it too.

"The Cheerios have placed first every year since 2003," Quinn said, "At least, that's what Sue said. I'm not sure how accurate that is."

"I believe it," Brittany replied with a shrug.

Santana just inhaled deeply and said sarcastically, "No pressure or anything."

"We've got this in the bag," Quinn answered confidently, "For one, we're the only squad with 3 coaches."

Brittany wagged her finger at Quinn, "True. That's 3 times the awesomeness."

"And we're probably going to be the only hot coaches there too," Santana shrugged nonchalantly.

"Also true," Brittany nodded then sent a wink Santana's way, "The hottest."

Santana felt her cheeks flush, but she just smiled back smugly and dusted off her shoulder, "You know it."

"Not really important," Quinn chuckled causing Santana to screw up her face in disgust.

"Are you kidding me?" Santana looked astonished, "Looks are everything in the Cheerleading world, where have you been? Remember all those ridiculous diets Sue put us on?"

"Santana's right," Brittany added, "Our squad is a reflection of us, we have to set the example. Although, those diets were really unhealthy so let's not tell the squad about it."

"Oh we won't," Quinn clarifies, "These next couple of weeks are going to be pretty intense. Our girls are good but we can't let them get too comfortable."

"Let's make them do wind sprints tomorrow," Santana suggests devilishly, "Make them run off all that food they had over Thanksgiving."

" _Greens, beans, tomatoes, potatoes,"_ Brittany starts rapping and it makes Santana and Quinn laugh.

"This is our first competition as coaches and it's important we make a good impression," Quinn adds after their laughter dies down, "Afterall, we want to make it to Nationals, right?"

Santana briefly remembers Sue's tape and the arrangement that brought them all together and the bonus that was promised if the squad were to place at Nationals. She had almost forgotten the real reason she was back in Lima, that it had nothing to do with Brittany, and it made her sit a little straighter.

She needed to stay focused too. She and Brittany _both_ needed to.

"Of course," Santana says and she's surprised to hear Brittany's voice in time with hers, mimicking the same words.

Always in unison, even without meaning to be.

"We have to be on point then," Quinn adds a little more solemnly, "For Coach Sylvester."

Santana can see the storm clouds rolling in above Quinn's head and she wonders what that is about. She knew this was a job and they had to meet certain expectations in order to get paid, but she didn't think Quinn would take it _that_ seriously. Then again, she and Sue had always had a different dynamic. Maybe she really did want to honor her legacy by winning.

"We will be," Santana replies anyway and gives Quinn an encouraging nod, "We don't know how to be anything else but flawless."

\\\

After saying their goodbyes to Quinn, Santana and Brittany are back in the car on their way to Maribel's a little while later. Brittany had passed Santana the aux cord upon settling in and they decided on taking the long way home since the queue was so good. Santana had missed many aspects of Brittany, but being able to ride around in the car with her as they bobbed their heads to songs they use to sing for Glee Club is probably something she missed the most.

Brittany really was the easiest person to get along with, they just fit together so perfectly.

"You know, I don't mind driving you around while your car gets fixed. You have great taste in music and your car dance moves are the best," Brittany says after belting out the final note of a Whitney Houston song. She's a little breathless again from the dramatic runs and the bellyaching laughter, but that's when Santana finds her the prettiest.

She's so wrapped up in staring that she nearly misses the words that follow.

"You _are_ going to get it fixed, right?" Brittany asks and chances a glance at Santana to find her biting on her bottom lip. She might've forgotten to call Burt's shop while she was waiting for Brittany, mostly because she was too busy running upstairs to touch up her make up before she arrived.

She smiled guiltily, "Yes?"

"San," Brittany sighs as they come up to a red light. It was meant to sound frustrated but it was more endearing than anything. Santana hasn't heard Brittany call her _San_ in years and it makes her heart flutter wildly. Brittany gives her that _you're exhausting but I love you_ look and it has Santana's guard instantly dropping.

"What?" Santana laughs as Brittany lifts a brow, "I will!"

"You better," Brittany warns and her voice dips low.

The rumble of her tone has Santana biting her lip again and she presses further, edging over the middle console.

"Or what?" She asks challengingly.

Santana lingers there and she knows the exact moment Brittany's head starts to cloud with thoughts, she can see it in darkening blue eyes. The glow of the red light illuminates them both, masking flushed cheeks, but Santana is confident they're there. Suddenly, the heat coming from the vents is way too hot but it only seems to increase the longer Brittany stares heatedly back.

Santana remembers this look a little too well considering how long it has been. It was the same look that led to many spontaneous make out sessions in a dark parking lot when they were meant to be on their way to somewhere important. Back when they were young and reckless and couldn't keep their hands of each other. The windows of Santana's little Honda would be so thick with fog that she'd have to turn on the defroster afterwards just so she could see.

Brittany would just sit topless and doodle love hearts until it went away.

"You don't want to know," Brittany manages to reply in a whisper as she leans in and it's like she's daring Santana to close the distance.

And she would, she _totally_ would! Their lips are so damn close now and the scent of her cherry lip smackers and peppermint gum is just so _Brittany_ and it's flooding her senses. All Santana has to do is lean just a little bit further and they'd be stopping traffic. She would give not one single fuck if it meant having Brittany's lips on hers again.

But then their faces illuminate in green and Brittany's the first to break the trance as the car behind them beeps their horn.

Santana settles back in her seat, tossing shy glances in Brittany's direction, crossing her legs a little tighter as they continue their journey to Maribel's.

She waits a few minutes before clearing her throat a little, "Maybe I'll get Burt to have a look at it tomorrow before practice, see if it's worth repairing…or whatever."

She's thankful that Brittany's success in getting her all flustered can't be detected in the tone of her voice and takes that as a small win.

"That's my girl," Brittany teases lovingly and reaches over to squeeze at Santana's thigh.

Santana just about melts into a puddle on the spot because she wasn't expecting Brittany to say something like _that._ Brittany can be so smug sometimes, but trying to fight from swooning at Brittany's words is _hard_. She knows she can't give Britt the satisfaction no matter how right she is in wanting Santana to take her car in, but being _her girl_?

Santana hasn't been _anyone's anything_ in so long, at least not to anyone that mattered. She had forgotten what it felt like to be wanted in that way, even if Britt only said it as a passing comment. It makes Santana feel whole in a totally different way and she loves it.

She loves being Brittany's girl.

 **A/N - So this chapter was more of a filler to get back into the swing of things and line up Sectionals. I have about 3 chapters drafted so far & the rest of the story planned out so look out for weekly updates! 3**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N - Sectionals is finally upon us and will consist of 2 parts! I'm trying out a posting schedule to keep myself on track so look out for weekly Sunday updates! Thank you all who are still with me, always a pleasure to read what you have to say. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 22

If you would've told Santana Lopez a year ago that she would be spending her Friday in a janky bus full of rowdy high school cheerleaders who insist on bugging the crap out of her with their constant cheering and on her way to Cincinnati for a Cheerleading competition of all things while sharing a seat with her former girlfriend who is also her current co-coach, she would've told you to _fuck off, loser_ because never in a million years…

Yet, here she is doing just that because apparently – even in death – Sue still had a way of making Santana's life a living hell. Although with Brittany by her side again, how bad could it really be?

She's come a long way since waiting on Karens back at the Spotlight Diner, but she can't say that becoming a Cheerios coach is fulfilling a lifelong dream. The hours are more reasonable than the doubles she use to pull, the pay's a lot better thanks to Sue, and she even has benefits now but she doesn't think coaching is something she'd consider doing forever. It's just nice to have a something stable for once, even if she has to put up with bratty teens for a few hours a day. They're not really _all_ that bad when she thinks of it. In fact, she was probably worse growing up.

Santana surprises herself when she thinks of it, but she actually believes she makes a damn good coach.

She wonders when she suddenly became this person that was so _involved_ but she thinks about the years she has spent on the squad herself and her brief time as a Louisville Cardinal and it's not really so surprising. Cheering has always been a big part of her life.

In a way, if it wasn't for Sue insisting she join the Cheerios, she would've never met Brittany. And again, if it wasn't for Sue and the Cheerios, she might've never reconnected with Brittany years later too.

To top it all off, she's wearing her _Cheerios Alumni_ sweatshirt and reading through last month's issue of _Inside Cheerleading_. She swears it's purely for distraction purposes because she can only handle the girls' chatter for so long and she doesn't want to end up murdering anyone during the 2 hour drive.

\\\

On one side, she and Brittany share a seat because Quinn called dibs on the last open booth and they're apparently 12 years old again and calling dibs is a thing still. Santana had grumbled about it while watching Quinn make a show of all the space she had, fluffing her bookbag as she rested back on it like a pillow.

Brittany only laughed at the pair and dragged Santana to sit down next to her.

"You should've got that booth, Britt," Santana urges then turns back to Quinn and says in a much louder voice, "Quinn's stubby little legs don't need all that room."

Quinn just smirked and raised both middle fingers up, the high back of the chair successfully blocking her from the squad's view. Santana pursed her lips at her friend's cockiness.

"It's okay, San, I like sharing with you." Brittany replied easily then came in close so that only Santana could hear, "Don't you remember all the _fun_ we had on these long bus rides? We use to sit at the back and wait for Quinn to fall asleep…"

Santana's eyes go wide at the memory and she quickly turns to find Brittany grinning. There's a box of Dots in her hands and she pops one into her mouth, letting it bulge at her cheek.

The look is of pure innocence, but Santana knows better.

There's mischief behind those piercing blue eyes and Santana's not going to let Brittany get away with it. The tension has been pretty record-breaking over the last couple of weeks as they focused their attention on preparing for Sectionals, but being flirty with Brittany was always one of the easiest things to do, always one of Santana's favorites.

Since Thanksgiving, that's practically all they do now.

"Careful Pierce, two can play _that_ game." Santana warns with a smirk.

She reaches for the box of Dots in Brittany's hands and shakes it until a Dot falls to her palm, her eyes never leaving blue. She's trying to be seductive and judging by the look on Britt's face, it's totally working. She takes the Dot to her lips and slowly bites into it but then the taste of the candy hits her and she remembers something: she _hates_ Dots.

Brittany starts giggling as Santana's face screws up in disgust at the flavor.

"Yeah, I was wondering where that was going," Brittany snickered, "I give it an A for effort though."

"God, I don't know how you eat those things. That one tastes like soap," Santana grumbles, reaching for a water bottle to wash out the taste in her mouth.

"Awh, that's the best flavor!" Brittany whines sarcastically, knowing full well that Santana always compared the taste of the green ones to soap. She pops another Dot into her mouth happily though and Santana cringes.

"I'm not kissing you until we're at the hotel and you can brush your teeth," Santana says to her lowly, out of Quinn's earshot, "The taste lingers."

"Like you can last that long," Brittany jokes and Santana hates how right she is.

\\\

It feels like they've been driving for years and the girls have now moved from reciting cheers to singing and Santana can't decide what's worse. It reminds her of the times she'd travel with the Glee Club where they'd occasionally break out into song, but that was expected from a club based on singing.

The Cheerios? Not a thing and there's a reason for that: they _suck_.

But she can tell they're having fun, Alex in particular, and as offended as her ears are for how badly they're butchering a perfectly good Ke$ha song, Santana can't find it in her to channel her inner Sue and tell them all to _shut up_. They're kids and they spend so much time being serious about competing, it's good for them to let loose a little.

She'll never say that out loud though. She's got a reputation to uphold.

So she dives back into her magazine; she's on to the newest issues now in hopes that she doesn't change her mind and end up doing something ridiculous like a Diva Off against the whole squad just to reassert herself as the best singer here.

Reading a cheerleading magazine is still for distraction purposes, obviously, but Quinn and Brittany don't believe her. Especially when Santana starts parroting interesting articles she has read or shows off pictures of cute uniforms from different squads across the nation.

When she catches their judgmental smiles, Santana huffs and closes up the magazine.

"Awh, why'd you stop reading? I was really getting into it." Brittany pouted, already trying to open up the magazine again.

Santana just holds it away from Brittany's prying fingers, "I will not be judged for my interest in improving the squad's fashion sense."

Brittany gives her a soft smile while Quinn laughs.

"Like we have any control over the design of the uniform," Quinn replies, "I'm sure if it were up to you though, they'd all look like a bunch of mini-Santanas in tight skirts and high heels."

"So cute," Brittany deadpanned with a nod.

"And if it were up to _you_ , they'd all be in like turtlenecks and headbands," Santana quipped.

"Ooh, My Headband. Great song. Right, Q?" Brittany interrupted but Quinn only quirked her brow.

"Santana, _we_ wore turtlenecks. The girls are wearing turtlenecks _now,_ it's winter."

"See, that's exactly what someone who is _pro-turtleneck_ would say."

"What now?"

"I'll bet if you had your way it would be apart of their uniform _year round_." Santana challenges but Quinn doesn't look fazed.

"Most squads were them. Didn't your Cards uniform involve a turtleneck?" Quinn asks and Santana scoffs at the implication in her tone.

"Yes, but I looked smokin' hot in that uniform."

"Yeah, you did!" Brittany whooped, pumping her fist in the air.

Santana and Quinn just laughed, Brittany always had a way of lightening the mood. Not that Santana and Quinn were being serious, bantering was like second nature to them, but Brittany still fit in perfectly.

It makes Santana smile at how they're all still so in tune with each other as if no time had passed at all.

\\\

As soon as they arrive to the hotel, Santana thinks she has just entered Hell and they haven't even gotten off the bus yet. There are teenage girls _everywhere_ and Santana watches as coaches try to wrangle their squads for check-in but it looks like a losing battle. Luggage lie abandoned, girls are running around, coaches look like they're visibly regretting their career choice.

It's sheer madness and there's no way Santana is going to go through all that.

When the bus rolls to a stop and everyone starts up with the excited chatter again as they collect their things, Santana stands and moves to the center aisle with a steely gaze.

"Oh no." Quinn mutters while Brittany quietly watches, already knowing what's about to happen. The two blondes stand to flank Santana regardless, always showing the squad that they are one unit.

"Hold up ladies, before any one of you even thinks about stepping off this bus let's just get one thing clear." Santana starts with a clap of her hands to get everyone's attention. Everyone instantly freezes and turns their attention to Santana.

From the corner of her eye she can see Quinn pressing her lips so tightly together, as if she's trying to keep from interrupting. She doesn't care though, what's the point of being the disciplinarian if she doesn't instill the fear of God every once in awhile?

"I'd like everyone to look out the window," Most girls look towards the side where the most action is while some look towards the parking lot, "You three, what are you doing? Other side. Yes, good. Everyone seeing what I'm seeing right now? Everyone witnessing the utter chaos happening out there?"

Most girls nod and there's a few _yes coach_ 's in the crowd and Santana nods too.

"Good. That's exactly what you all _aren't_ going to do when you get off this bus. None of this running around like complete fools all of a sudden just because you're away from home and your parents and you're staying at a relatively nice hotel. You think, _ooh new city? New me."_

Some girls exchange nervous looks with one another while others continue staring out of the windows.

 _"_ Nah. Not having it," Santana tells them, "We are your coaches. We are not your babysitters and you will not have us running around after you. You're going to act like you've got some damn sense hidden away in those high ponies and behave yourselves because if you don't – so help me God – I will go all Lima Heights on every. single. one. of. you. And let me tell you, that won't be pretty."

The girls are still focusing on what's going on outside, but Santana's able to catch Brittany staring at her. She can't linger long because Brittany's smiling so proudly that it nearly breaks Santana's character and she's trying to seem threatening right now so she can't have that.

"Focus up, ladies." Quinn says suddenly and the squad turns to her at the command, "Coach S is exactly right. The best way to show these other squads that we're coming home with that first place trophy tomorrow is by remaining composed and united. You are going to get off this bus in a single fill line and wait patiently for us to check you all in and hand out room keys."

"And I don't want to see anyone breaking ranks and socializing with the enemies." Santana adds.

"But Coach S, my sister is on one of those squads." Someone says and Santana just shakes her head.

"Sister? Not during Sectionals. She's the enemy as far as I'm concerned. Look around you, kid. _These_ are your sisters." Santana replies, waving her hand out at the squad. She catches Alex's eye and amends her statement, "Metaphorical sisters. Whatever non-platonic pairings going on are none of our business."

"And won't be considered incest." Brittany adds too in a matter of fact.

Alex's cheeks instantly pink and Maddy has to stifle a laugh.

"Oh my God," Quinn mumbles and whispers for Santana to wrap it up.

She waves the blonde off and continues, "So everyone is to behave or expect a visit from Aunty Snixx." She can hear someone in the crowd whisper _who's that_ to the girl standing next to them causing Santana to groan, "You don't want to know, alright! Is everyone clear on what we expect from you?"

There's soon a sea of confident _yes coach_ and it fills Santana with pride. She totally still has it and looks to Quinn, "The floor is yours."

Quinn just shakes her head and goes on to instruct the girls, "Okay then, grab your stuff and get in line."

Santana turns to grab her bag too, surprised that Brittany's already holding it out for her to take.

"Great speech," Brittany compliments with a wink.

"Just a little something off the top of my head," Santana smiles proudly as she follows Quinn out of the bus with Brittany tagging along behind.

\\\

"I'm sorry, there has to be a mistake." Quinn says to the receptionist, "You expect us to share one room? I specifically made a note that this squad has three coaches."

"I understand that Miss Fabray, but we simply do not have the rooms available to accommodate your request. We're currently housing several squads and their coaches for the competition this weekend. I'm sorry." The young man behind the desk explained, Santana could tell Quinn was doing her best to keep calm while the squad waiting off to the side watching.

"Is there at least more than one bed?" Quinn asked with a sigh, "No way I'm sharing with these two. That one kicks in her sleep."

"That was one time," Brittany protested.

"Of course, you have been upgraded to the mini suite which contains two double beds." The man states and Santana stiffens.

Two beds? There's three of them which means someone's going to have to double up.

She and Brittany have been taking things slow and although they haven't really had a conversation with Quinn about what's going on, Santana's pretty sure she knows something already. However this thing between her and Brittany hasn't reached the _let's share a bed_ level just yet, but she doesn't think there's any way to avoid it now. It makes her nervous, but it's not like anything's going to happen with Quinn there.

Then again, when has that stopped them before?

No. She likes how their relationship is progressing and involving great sex into the mix is just going to complicate things and Santana doesn't want to do complicated with Brittany anymore. They've wasted too many years doing that.

"And because the Cheerios are regular guests here," The man continues, "Your squad has also been allocated to rooms on the highest level on the city-view side."

Santana tilts her head at Quinn, looking impressed, "Well that's almost acceptable."

"There is also a substantial credit left on the account," The man adds, "Compliments of Sue Sylvester. Any room service or restaurant charges are covered."

"Does that include the mini-bar?" Brittany asks from over Santana's shoulder.

"Yes, it does." The man answers.

Santana and Brittany's eyes go wide while Quinn gives her famous Queen Bitch Smirk. She has no idea how much money is left on the account, but it has to be a lot because room service is _hella_ expensive.

"That's more like it." Quinn says and proceeds with the check-in process until the man is handing her a stack of keycards.

"I knew Sue was loaded, but damn." Santana says as Quinn divides the stack and hands them out to Santana and Brittany.

"Yeah, no way Figgins was going to cover this on his own." Brittany agrees before they're heading over to the squad.

They go over the rules and schedule they've been drilling in the girls' heads in the days leading up to this trip, including Santana's last minute rant from the bus. It's nearly dinner time so Quinn reminds the girls to eat, whether it be in the restaurant or room service and to text the WhatsApp group chat she organized just incase they need anything before sending them off to get settled in their rooms.

\\\

Brittany's the first to enter their room with Quinn and Santana following close behind.

The room is huge with two super comfy looking beds on one side of the room, flanked by night stands with modern lamps atop. Dividing the room, there's an arm chair with a tall floor lamp behind it, the design similar to the other lamps. There's a small, circular coffee table off to the side, topped with an all white flower arrangement and a couple books on architecture. Across from that is a matching couch facing a giant tv mounted on the wall above a sleek desk that stretches along the wall's length.

There's contemporary art in black frames thoughtfully placed around the room that tie into the modern light fixtures. It's pretty swanky, Santana thinks, so she can only assume the bathroom is just as dope, but the view is what makes the coaches stop and stare.

It's close to dusk and the lights of the city shine brightly against the darkening sky. The assortment of buildings and lights almost reminds Santana of New York and for a moment she kind of misses her life there.

"What a view," Brittany breaks the silence and moves closer to the windows, pulling back the sheer curtains to fully take it in.

Quinn agrees but Santana's moving to stand next to Brittany, watching her curiously as blue eyes dance all over the city lights. She hasn't seen this kind of wonderment in awhile and she finds herself thinking of their first trip to New York for Nationals because that was the last time she ever saw this look. Everyone had been excited that day, it was all their first out of state trip and most of them barely left Ohio except for Brittany who would occasionally visit her family in Santa Fe. It was like a whole new world to them full of possibilities and suddenly Santana wonders if Brittany still thinks of New York in that way.

"Which side do you guys want?" Quinn asks, Santana didn't even hear her starting to set up her suitcase on the luggage rack.

"What makes you think Brittz and I are the one's sharing?" Santana huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

Quinn looks up from her belongings and smirks, "You trying to tell me you wanna share, Santana?"

Santana scrunches her nose, "No. I can't think of anything worse actually."

Quinn chuckles and turns to Brittany, "Britt? You wanna share?"

Brittany just shrugs and reaches for her little suitcase, "I have a preference but I don't mind switching things up."

Santana's surprised by Brittany's answer and steps in, "We want the side furthest from the window."

Quinn smiles back knowingly and moves to claim her rightful nightstand. In passing, she whispers to Santana, "That's what I thought."

"Whatever," Santana grumbles and goes to unpack too.

\\\

A couple hours later, they're surrounded by various dishes from the all-day dining menu while they watch old episodes of _Keeping up with the Kardashians_. There's a perfectly good couch and coffee table, but their beds are more comfortable and they sit at the edges trying not to spill anything on the white duvets.

Santana notices Brittany had gone a little quiet after the second episode and glances over to find her busily scrolling on her phone. There's a frown on her face and Santana wonders what is causing it when there are things like Khole's witty comebacks to laugh at.

"Hey," She says softly, bumping their shoulders together, "Everything okay?"

Brittany's slow to look away, but when she does she smiles and it's genuine.

"Yeah, I'm just double checking my flight details for next week." Brittany explains, "I forgot to send my mom the itinerary and she got worried that I forgot to book again."

Santana tries to keep from looking anything but a little sad. She had almost forgotten that Brittany was going to San Francisco for the holidays so she could visit with her family since she missed out for Thanksgiving. Deep down, Santana is happy for Brittany; she's told her before that it has been awhile since the Pierces have been together and she knows how much Brittany cherishes family time.

She's just bummed that they won't get to spend Christmas or New Year's together. It's silly because she's gone 5 years without spending the holidays with Brittany, but after everything that happened on Thanksgiving, Santana thought things would be different.

The slight disappointment must show on Santana's face because Brittany's quick to slide her hand over and cool fingers wrap around Santana's wrist and begin to travel up her forearm.

She smiles almost teasingly and asks, "You gonna miss me?"

Santana wishes she could say something witty to throw Brittany off her scent, but she struggles and replies dismissively, "I don't know. Maybe."

Brittany snickers and glances over at Quinn, too busy with cutting into her chicken to notice them, before pressing a quick kiss to Santana's cheek.

"You're cute," Brittany whispers to her and Santana blushes, "And I'm gonna miss you too."

"Cool," Santana beams which is decidedly not her best response but apparently Brittany brings out the dork in her.

Brittany doesn't seem to notice as she averts her eyes to her plate and picks at a fry. Santana can tell she's deep in thought and whatever it is isn't something good as Brittany begins looking somewhat dejected. She considers asking what she's thinking about but Brittany speaks first.

She goes on to say quietly, "I didn't even think to ask if you wanted to come with me. I mean, I _did._ I actually thought about it a lot but I just..."

Santana's smile fades as she listens and watches Brittany shrink further in on herself. It makes Santana feel horrible, but she doesn't know what to say to make the feeling go away.

"I guess I wasn't sure if it was something you'd want to do considering we're just – _you know_ – and I thought about my family and how I'd probably have to explain our dynamic and I didn't think you'd want to deal with that so early on."

" _Oh_." Santana breathes out because it's the first thing that comes to mind.

Brittany bites her lip nervously, "Sorry, I said too much."

Santana sighs because she hates seeing Brittany like this and even more so that she's to blame. She thinks about what Britt must've felt when she was contemplating on inviting Santana to San Francisco and she knows that has something to do with how Santana has decided to move forward with their relationship.

They haven't labelled anything or even gone on a date yet. Maribel and Quinn still don't know and at first Santana categorized that as _taking things slow_ but maybe she's been dragging her feet?

Santana's not really sure, but she hates the idea that Brittany feels the need to tiptoe around her again, so unsure of what's okay and what isn't. Things weren't suppose to be like this and Santana feels like a complete ass for letting it get this far, but she can at least try to make up for it.

Even if it's only something small, she makes a decision.

"Don't be sorry, Britt." Santana assures her, "I don't think I've been very fair to you."

Brittany's suddenly confused but Santana just shakes her head and moves to squeeze Britt's hand as she musters up the nerve.

"Hey Q?" Santana calls out after giving Brittany one last look.

"Yeah?" Quinn answers and when she turns to them there's pasta sauce dribbling down her chin.

Santana doesn't bother to point it out and proceeds with a calming inhale, "I've got something to say."

Quinn quirks a brow and wipes at her moth with the napkin, "Okay?"

Santana swallows but she isn't as nervous as she thought and the words fall freely, "Brittz and I are kind of seeing each other again."

They're not the exact words she wanted to go with, but the look on Brittany's face let's her know that she appreciates them regardless. Brittany's been so patient with her, as always, and again Santana didn't notice how selfless Brittany was being. If Santana was so committed to doing things right this time, she has to start holding herself accountable too. She has to take Brittany's wants and needs into consideration too.

Quinn's brows rise as she glances between the two before she smiles, "It's about time! You know how hard it is to pretend I don't overhear all your constant flirting? It's cute but gross."

"Hater," Santana scoffs but she can't stop from smiling while Brittany just rubs comforting circle against Santana's back.

"Hater? I love you guys," Quinn adds, "And you know I'm happy for you."

Santana and Brittany send each other knowing looks and Santana's heart soars.

"But just because I love you both and I'm happy for you _does not_ meant you can try hooking up in the night because let me tell you," Quinn says, "From past experience with sharing a room with you two, you're not subtle."

"Wow, way to ruin the moment." Santana sighs with the roll of her eyes.

"See, I told you." Brittany deadpans and Santana knows it's meant to lighten the mood but Santana's cheeks pink instantly.

"Britt.." Santana chastises but Brittany just looks back innocently while Quinn continues.

"At least wait until I'm in the shower or tell me to leave the room? There are these great signs you can hang on the door that say _do not disturb_ too, you should really try them out. They come with the room," Quinn suggests before taking another bite of her chicken.

Santana just lets her face fall to her hand and mumbles, "Why are you like this?"

"Will do, Quinn." Brittany answers a little louder and the proud smile is so worth the slight embarrassment Santana has to endure.


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

"You think the girls are okay?" Quinn asks a little while later as she looks down at her phone, "They haven't messaged us or anything."

"Geez. Cut the cord, mom." Santana quips mindlessly then realizes what she has said and looks to Quinn apologetically, "Shit, sorry."

Quinn only shrugs as she says, "It's fine."

Santana's not sure if she believes her or not, but she knows Quinn won't talk about anything further if she doesn't want. The topic of Beth hasn't resurfaced in awhile, maybe even ever since they all reconnected, but Santana doesn't pry. Maybe it's off the table for a reason?

Quinn's still busy scrolling but Santana finds the silence falling around them unsettling and looks to Brittany for help.

"Well, we haven't had a call from the manager so that means they haven't ripped up a bunch of pillows or had any noise complaints. That's a good sign, right?" Brittany says as she recounts the time they all went to New York for Nationals and had the most awesome pillow fight in the history of pillow fights. They had been in deep trouble but it was so worth it!

"That's true," Quinn nods then begins to chuckle, "We were such little shits with Mr. Schue, we would've never gotten away with that if Sue was around."

"You know what? I bet it was my speech that did it. I scared the crap out of them on the bus," Santana says with her chin up, "They don't dare defy me."

Quinn sputters out a laugh, "Right, that's _exactly_ what it is. Well, I hope they're at least having fun. We use to love these trips."

"That's true," Santana nodded, "But I'm not sure how much more reality tv I can take tonight."

"Should we watch a movie?" Quinn asks.

Santana ponders, "Depends, what do they got?"

"Well-"

"I think we should go explore the city!" Brittany suggests and hops off the bed, "It's a Friday night after all. I'm sure Cincinnati has some kind of nightlife? At least, way better than Lima has to offer?"

Santana rolls the thought around then agrees, "I'm down for a drink. How about you, Q?"

"Yeah, I think we deserve some fun too!" Quinn grins and they all shuffle off to get ready.

\\\

They find a lively bar within walking distance of the hotel and are drawn in by the familiar music blaring from the outdoor speakers. It's a little crowded but Santana slips her hand into Brittany's almost on instinct to make sure they don't get separated as the three of them head towards the bar.

The feeling is electric and Santana can't help but look back at Brittany when she realizes what she's done. Brittany wears a coy smile as her eyes focus on their hands before slowing meeting Santana's. The coy smile evolves into a cheek bunching grin and Santana can't help but mirror it before turning back to Quinn leading the way.

Luckily, they're able to snag enough stools for each of them to sit as they order their first round.

While they wait, Santana takes in her surroundings and notices that it's a relatively nice place, completely unlike anything Lima has to offer. She missed places like this, they were a dime a dozen in New York but she really didn't know how good she had it until she left.

To think that their go-to hangout on a Friday night in Lima now is the same place she and her friends use to fight over coupons for in high school is kind of sad really. Don't get her wrong, she loves Breadstix with her whole heart. If she could, she'd totally be the spokesperson for it but it's not exactly the place she'd choose to for a wild night out.

Not that tonight will be a wild night out. They're young but they have responsibilities and there's no way the three of them can turn up to Sectionals tomorrow with killer hangovers.

As Santana's eyes roam the room, they land on a dancefloor and she knows Brittany's bound to drag them off once they hit their second or third drink.

To Santana's surprise, it happens a lot sooner than she thinks.

She barely has a buzz, but when the opening chords of Brittany's favorite song began to play Santana knew what she had to do. Quinn hung back to watch their drinks while Brittany whisked Santana away to the dancefloor. They sway to the beat while Brittany's lips move in time with the words and being able to do this again fills Santana with so much joy that she can't help but laugh and sing along too.

It's been so long since she's felt this kind of happiness and she gladly soaks it all in.

"Dancing with you is the best," Brittany cheers and her words slur a little as she pulls Santana in close. Santana doesn't say anything, just continues moving to the beat with the biggest smile on her face.

Santana's a little sad when the song ends and they go to rejoin Quinn at the bar. They happily sip on their drinks and only get approached by random guys wanting to buy them another a couple of times before they make their way back to the dancefloor, this time with Quinn in tow. The three of them dance without a care in the world and it's kind of a cathartic feeling after the intense week of training they've had.

"Gotta pee!" Brittany tells Quinn and Santana over the loud music. They nod and go looking for the bathroom together. Brittany spots a neon sign that reads _Ladies_ and leads the way.

There's only one stall open so Brittany heads in while Santana and Quinn wait by the sinks and check over their make up. It's not until Santana's in her purse looking for her lipstick when she spots the time on her phone. It's later than she expects but they don't need to be at the convention center until noon tomorrow and figures they'll be alright with one more drink.

"You look happy," Quinn comments softly, catching Santana's eye in the mirror.

Santana smiles and notices the sound of Brittany singing to herself in the stall. She lets out a chuckle and looks back to Quinn, "I _feel_ happy. I haven't felt this way in so long, Q."

"Is it the alcohol or is it the awesome company you're in?" Quinn smirks.

Santana just laughs and says, "Maybe a little of both."

\\\

Of course, Santana must've done something to piss off someone in the universe because that happiness doesn't last very long.

After their bathroom break, the trio are headed back to the bar for one last drink when Santana spots a familiar brunette sitting atop one of the stools and a girl with dirty blonde hair sitting next to her.

Santana instantly fills with rage. Because if memory serves her right, those two little shits are nowhere near old enough to be in a place like this.

"You have got to be shitting me," Santana growls and Brittany's quick to look at her, unsure of what has set Santana off so suddenly. She and Quinn scan the crowd but it doesn't take Brittany long to find the source.

"Yikes," Brittany grimaces while Quinn's still searching. Brittany points over to the girls' direction and Quinn's jaw drops.

"They can't be serious," Quinn says in awe, "Is that Alex and Maddy?"

"Yup," Brittany pops the 'p' and shakes her head at the sight.

"I'm going to have to kill them now," Santana says calmly although she's anything but, "Quinn, start looking for a new Cheerios captain. Satan's Spawn has finally corrupted her."

"God, do you see anymore of them in here?" Quinn asks and starts looking around.

"Better not be," Santana huffs, "I can understand Alex going rogue because she's a walking headache and I'm convinced she's out to get me despite our obvious similarities, but Maddy? She is meant to be the good one. My mind is blown. I'm going to kick their little asses all the way back to Lima."

Santana starts to wind up again but Brittany catches her by the wrist before she can stomp away, "Santana, wait. Just breathe for a second before switching into Snixx-mode."

"But Britt…"

"Listen, I know you're just being protective and I'm _so_ attracted to you right now but-"

"Of course." Quinn sighs.

"But getting angry first doesn't solve anything," Brittany says solemnly, "Just put yourself in their shoes. It's not like we never went behind Coach's back when we were their age."

"I know, but they're just kids, Britt, _underage_ kids and people…they can be gross. I just want to make sure no one messes with them," Santana replies and something in her makes her tone waver. Brittany notices the concern and she nods in understanding. Santana takes a settling breathe, "No one did that for us. Us three, we looked out for each other and we could handle ourselves but it shouldn't have to be like that."

"Santana has a point," Quinn nods, "We got away with too much."

"I won't kill them," Santana continues, "But we can't let this slide."

"Okay. You're right," Brittany relents with a soft smile and loosens her hold on Santana's wrist, "Let's get over there."

The bartender is eying one of the girls' ID but before he makes a judgment, Santana plucks it from his fingers. She glares at him with her eyes narrowed, "It's clearly a fake. Do these girls look 21 to you?"

"Uhh.." The bartender stammers and quickly heads down to the other end of the bar to avoid the drama.

Santana rolls her eyes and thinks _yeah you better run_.

"Oh shit."

Santana doesn't know which one of them say it, but Maddy and Alex visibly pale as Santana turns her glare onto them.

"Yeah, _oh shit_ is right." Santana huffs while Quinn comes to stand off to the side of Maddy and Brittany stands behind them, successfully blocking them from running.

If they even had the balls to try.

Alex is the first to paste on a too-bright smile and try to de-escalate, "Hey Coach S, that's a great dress. You look-"

Santana raises a single finger to cut her off, "Hot. I know. I don't need you to tell me that. What I _don't_ know is why the hell you two are here?"

The girls stiffen and remain silent, too shell-shocked to speak.

"One of you better get to talking, Aunty Snixx is about to make an appearance."

"Uh we just wanted to get out," Maddy starts nervously, "Take a break from all the Cheer preparation."

"Yeah! We're kind of stressed out," Alex adds, "An all the places in the hotel are overflowing with other squads and they're kind of annoying. Plus, the girls keep hounding Maddy about being anxious for tomorrow and bitching about their boy problems or whatever. No one would leave us alone. I just thought she needed some time away to breathe, you know? _We_ just wanted to get away to breathe."

Santana eases – only slightly – at the word _we_ and remembers the moment she shared with Alex back at Frank's. She also remembers being on the Cheerios herself and the pressures of being on a consistently winning team and how it worsened when she made co-captain. She was a leader and with that title came a lot of responsibilities and that while balancing her studies and Glee Club and a personal life?

It's a lot so she get's wanting to escape. Especially with someone she finds comfort in.

She feels like a hypocrite for telling them off because she and Britt use to do the exact same thing when they were younger, only difference was that they never got caught and Sue didn't come looking for them. Thankfully, nothing bad ever happened but that's not always the case for everyone and that's the thought she's so hung up on.

Sometimes being the disciplinarian is hard work.

Santana shakes her head, unsure of how to proceed, then looks down at the ID and groans, "Who even made this? It's pathetic, it doesn't even look like you."

"Let me see," Brittany asks and looks over the tops of the girls' heads, "Oh wow. Yeah, you should totally get your money back."

Quinn tries her hardest to keep from snickering.

Brittany then glances to Santana and notices her silence and it's like something clicks: Santana's at a loss for words. Being a mentor and having to discipline kids properly is new for all of them and they often find themselves stepping in when the other wavers, this time is no different.

Usually, it has been Quinn that picks up where Santana leaves off but she remains silent this time. In fact, it's Brittany who speaks first.

Brittany takes on a more serious tone as she focuses on the girls, "You're both very smart and we are confident that you should know way better than this, especially since we have specifically said no leaving the hotel without supervision. Are we wrong for thinking that?"

It's one thing when Santana goes off on the girls, but it hits differently when Brittany chastises them. Brittany has a little bit of a reputation for being the _fun one_ which has a lot to do with her easy-going attitude. Santana is mostly about discipline but sometimes Brittany surprises everyone. She just has that _tone_ and it makes everyone straighten up. She has used it on Santana a few times before and even she hasn't grown immune to it yet.

Maddy and Alex look down guiltily, "No, Coach B."

"Yeah. That's what I thought too, but here we are. You've both blatantly gone against our rules and that's not okay. We didn't make them because we want to be lame and suck all the fun out of this weekend, they are in place to protect you." Brittany tells them with such authority that Santana isn't use to. She feels proud and softens even further as she listens quietly to Brittany talk.

"Listen," Brittany starts and her tone is softer, "Competition weekends are very stressful and I get wanting to take a break. Breaks are super important but sneaking out to a bar in the middle of the night isn't the way."

"It's dangerous," Quinn adds and the other coaches nod to agree, "We're responsible for you girls during these trips and we can't risk any of you getting hurt. Coach B is right, there are much better ways to wind down that don't involve underage drinking or sneaking off to bars."

"We're really sorry, Coaches." Maddy apologizes sincerely.

"Yeah. It won't happen again," Alex adds and she catches Santana's eye, "I promise."

Santana sends her a pointed look, "It better not. We can talk about punishment when we get back to Lima."

Alex and Maddy frown but ultimately nod to agree. It's probably a first for Santana that Alex has been so easy to reprimand and she wonders if that has something to do with Frank's.

"Come on, it's late." Quinn says in a lighter tone, "I'll walk you back to the hotel and we can talk about other ways to deal with stress." She looks over her shoulder to Santana and Brittany, "You guys can hang out for a bit longer here if you want?"

"You sure?" Santana asks but the slight smirk on Quinn's lips as she keeps a hand on the younger girls' shoulders and directs them to the door answers that question.

"Yeah, I can handle these two trouble makers on my own." Quinn teases and gives the girls' shoulders a little shake which cause small smiles to spread across their faces.

Santana mouths a _thanks_ before Quinn and the Cheerios head out the door, leaving her and Brittany behind.

She doesn't really feel like staying at the bar although Quinn offered to give them some alone time. Her mood was kind of killed after seeing Alex and Maddy there, but she's not quite ready to head back to the hotel either.

"Take a walk with me?" Brittany suggests instead, "I think we passed a cool fountain on the way to the hotel earlier."

"Okay," Santana smiles and the pair of them head out to the street hand in hand.

\\\

The air had gotten so cold during their walk that they had abandoned holding hands and moved to link arms instead, huddling together for warmth. It takes them 10-15 minutes to find the fountain Brittany had mentioned but when they do, they stand in front of it and stare up in awe. The drop in temperature also meant that some of the water had frozen while some still trickled through the cracks in the ice.

Santana wonders if Britt's thinking the same thing: _how the hell does running water freeze like that?_ But when she glances over at the blonde to ask, she finds that she isn't even looking at the fountain.

She's looking at Santana.

It makes her want to shy away, but it's like she's stuck in a trance. She finds herself smiling back.

"What is it?" She asks but Brittany just unlinks their arms and moves to wrap Santana into a warm hug. It takes Santana by surprise but she relaxes into Brittany's embrace and circles her arms around her waist, hugging her back just as tightly.

They don't say anything for awhile, but the silence is comforting. With the city sleeping, she feels like they're the only ones in the world.

"Thank you for telling Quinn about us," Brittany says softly a moment later, "I kind of felt weird leaving her out of the loop."

"Me too. I'm sorry, Britt." Santana replies, "I'm sorry for making you wait on me again."

She doesn't mean for the words to hold such meaning, but with their history it's hard to miss. They've always had trouble with timing in their relationship, either someone wasn't ready or someone was too afraid or someone wasn't single. It has never just _worked out._

Brittany's brows furrow and it's like she knows exactly where Santana's thoughts are headed. There's this look Brittany gives as she tucks some of Santana's hair behind her ear that Santana can only describe as someone completely in love.

"Things are different this time," Brittany tells her, "You're not making me wait, we're taking things slow and I respect that. You want to do things right."

"Yeah, but it's not only about what I want," Santana replies and pulls away to cup Brittany's cheek. She regrets it because her skin is so cold against her warm hands, but she keeps it there as she says, "You have a say in how things go too. We're not going to make decisions for each other anymore."

"That never was a strength for us anyway."

"Exactly." Santana grins proudly and Brittany mirrors it.

"I can still thank you though."

Santana can barely get out a reply before they're kissing. It's soft and slow and filled with many things still left unsaid.

Santana's not sure who leans in first but it's not like that matters when the tip of Brittany's tongue slips along Santana's lip. She inhales deeply at the feel and thinks about how nice this is. In fact, it's kind of romantic because they're the only ones there in front of this frozen water fountain and the glow of old-timey street lamps surround them.

It also reminds Santana that she should take Britt on a date soon. They use to love their Friday Night dates. It's then that Santana remembers what day it is currently and her smile grows.

But she soon gets distracted as Brittany tangles her hand into Santana's hair. She surprises herself when a whimper escapes and she can feel Brittany smirking against her as the kiss deepens. They haven't really done something like this yet in such a public place since they've reconnected and the newness of it excites Santana. Her knees suddenly feel wobbly and her fingers dig into the material of Brittany's jacket as if it'll keep her from falling over.

She knows it's not the alcohol, that buzz is long gone. The feelings fluttering in her stomach, the way her heart races, the heat settling lower than she cares to admit are all tell-tale signs of how her body reacts to Brittany. She feels like she's in a daze with this spontaneous make out session and hopes no one is secretly perving on them but that's only a fleeting thought when she feels Brittany pull away.

Santana pouts the instant she's gone.

"We have to stop," Brittany husks and Santana can't think of anything worse right now. It must be written all over her face because Brittany bends down to press a kiss to the tip of her nose, "Don't give me that look. You know I want nothing more in the world than to make sweet, sweet lady love to you right now but you're so cold you're starting to shake and so am I."

Santana chuckles at Brittany's way with words and concedes, "You're right, I'm freezing my tits off. Let's head back, make sure the girls haven't taken Quinn hostage or anything."

\\\

By the time they head back to their room, Quinn is already tucked in bed with a fuzzy pink eye mask over her eyes. There are soft snores come from her side of the room and Santana scrambles to record her for blackmail later. They both do their best to stay quiet since Quinn isn't as heavy of a sleep as she let on in the past and make their way to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

It should make Santana a little nervous to see Brittany strip down, especially while they're in such close quarters but they've been getting changed together in locker rooms since they were kids and Santana's worked on her leering a lot since then.

Although, when Brittany's bra lands on the floor it takes a lot for Santana to keep her eyes elsewhere and focus on getting changed herself. Brittany gets fully dressed first and goes to the sink to brush her teeth while Santana struggles to pull her sleep shirt over her head. Their eyes catch in the mirror as Santana soon joins her side. Brittany gives her a sudsy grin as her blue eyes twinkle and goes to hand Santana the toothpaste.

And it's something so small, but the way they move around each other during their nightly routine brings back so many memories from when they were younger. Memories of sleepovers and that one time Brittany came up to Louisville for a visit run through Santana's mind and she's so thankful that they're at this place again.

When they finally slide beneath the covers a bit later, Santana's nerves begin to intensify. The size of the bed is only a double so there isn't much room for personal space and for a moment Santana's hyper-aware of every little part of her that brushes against Brittany.

"You look nervous," Brittany whispers and Santana instantly blushes.

"We haven't done this in awhile," She explains shyly.

"I know," Brittany replies as her hand slides up to touch Santana's, "It's just me."

Santana wants to tell her _that's_ why she's nervous but there's something about the way Brittany says it that settles her nerves. There's this kind of softness there and Santana finds herself easing the longer she's there.

When she finds her pinky hooking around Brittany's, she's able to relax even further and gives the blonde a smile in return.

They lie facing each other, watching how their blinks become slower and slower. Their legs tangle together, clean shaven skin smooth against one another's, while their pinkies stay linked near their pillows. Similar to their moment by the fountain, cocooned in a comfy duvet, Santana feels like they're the only ones left in the world.

Santana can't get over how comfortable she feels although she had just been so worried about crossing a personal space line before. It's silly, she thinks, how easily her mind can have her overthinking the littlest of things. Many things have changed between them, but Brittany has always had a way with comforting Santana and thankfully she still hasn't lost her touch.

"You ready for tomorrow?" Brittany whispers so softly Santana almost misses it.

"I think so," Santana answers just as quietly, "The girls have been practicing so hard."

"Yeah," Brittany mumbles and Santana can tell she's close to falling asleep.

"What about you?" Santana asks, "Are you ready?"

"Totally," Brittany grins, "We have a pretty awesome squad."

"True."

They fall into a comfortable silence and Santana watches as Brittany tries to stifle a yawn. It's the cutest thing she's seen all day and she wants to tell her but her eyelids feel heavy and her ability to form words is delayed.

Brittany snuggles down further against her pillow and says, "I really hope we win."

They're her last words as Brittany's eyes finally close. She looks peaceful with her blonde hair curtaining her cheek, almost angelic. Santana has to reach out to check that she isn't dreaming just yet, that Brittany is here and very real. That they're doing this again; sharing a bed and falling asleep tangled up in each other. She has to make sure she hasn't dreamt the whole thing up.

When Brittany doesn't stir from her touch, Santana has to stifle a giggle. She always envied how fast Brittany could fall asleep. One minute she would be seemingly wide awake, chatty as ever, then the next she would be out like a light.

Santana on the other hand let her thoughts run wild until she'd exhaust herself from all the thinking. Tonight is different though, she doesn't feel the need to tire herself out. Not when she has Brittany so close and everything feels so soft and warm.

"I think we will." Santana tells Brittany although she knows she's dead asleep now. She then goes to press a goodnight kiss to Brittany's lips before snuggling in close.

Sleep finds her easily that night and it's the best one she's had in awhile, but that's no surprise.

She's always slept better with Brittany.

\\\

Santana ends up being right about the win.

She never doubted it for a second, but their girls kicked ass with a damn near perfect score! The other squads didn't stand a chance up against their stellar performance.

Santana remembered what it felt like to be in their girls' position, that feeling of accomplishment and the relief from knowing that Sue would be in a much better mood after a win but being announced the winner as a _coach_ hit totally differently. She was so overcome with pride and that feeling just multiplied as they all gathered to take a picture with their giant First Place trophy.

It was nothing but pure happiness as everyone exchanged congratulations. Santana even found herself welcoming a couple hugs from the girls which was so unlike her, but she didn't care!

Nothing could beat this feeling of accomplishment.

Well, almost nothing.

"We did it! We're going to Regionals!" Brittany cheered and suddenly Santana was being hoisted in the air and spun around.

"Oh my God, Britt!" Santana squealed through her laughter, holding on to the top of Brittany's head for balance. Being up that high, she felt like she was on top of the world.

Most of the girls had been too preoccupied to notice them except for Quinn. She was giggling away from below with that same all-knowing look in her eye. Santana's first instinct was to flick her off, but she was too happy to bring herself to do that.

Instead she smiled back and yelled, "Nice trophy!"

"The first of many under our reign!" Quinn called back as Brittany lowered Santana. She turned to the squad and held the trophy up a little higher, "Isn't that right, girls?"

Then there was a sea of eager _yes Coach_ and it was all the reassurance Santana needed, because this coaching thing?

Piece of cake.

 **A/N - Thank you to those who are still with me and leaving reviews! I know this one's been abandoned for awhile, but I've never stopped thinking about it and I'm determined to complete.**


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

It's that time of the school year now where the kids are pretty worn down and have mostly stopped paying attention to anything anyone of authority says, but Santana isn't complaining. With Sectionals over and Winter break around the corner, everyone – including the coaches – have started counting down the days. She's thankful for the moment she doesn't have to spend so much time on the Cheerios, even if it's just for a few weeks, because a freed up schedule means she can spend more time doing things _she_ wants to do.

Today, that happens to be ice skating...apparently.

Santana didn't actually _want_ to do it, but when practice finished and Quinn rushed off with plans of her own, Brittany had suggested they do something fun. Santana was thinking that _something_ would involve a chill night indoors and out of the cold and far, far away from icy surfaces which she could bust her ass on but Brittany had something else in mind.

She reminded Santana of the rink set up near the Christmas tree farm and how awesome it is because they decorate it with fairy lights and there's Christmas music playing and everyone's always so nice. There's even a small kiosk where they sell hot chocolate and churros which was kind of an odd combination when Santana thought about it but Brittany loved everything about the place!

As she continued to pile on all the _awesome things_ that can be found at the ice rink, Santana knew exactly where this was going and it was only a matter of time before she caved.

"But it's freezing out and I'm pretty sure it's meant to snow tonight too," Santana replied with a groan.

"Even better! It'll be real snow instead of the fake stuff they use that tastes like hand sanitizer," Brittany said, bouncing on her toes happily.

"I just don't really feeling like falling and bruising my ass tonight," Santana tried.

"Then I'll catch you," Brittany answered easily.

"That's what you always say," Santana chuckled, "And we still manage to fall."

"Well, I've gotten better over the years," Brittany said with her chest puffed out a little.

Santana quirked a brow, "Have you been practicing?"

"Nope," Brittany shrugged so casually that Santana couldn't help but laugh. Brittany then reached for both of Santana's hands, slowly dragging her out from her shell, then gave them a squeeze, "It's tradition, San, we always use to go when we were younger."

She bit down on her bottom lip; Brittany knew how much she loved a tradition.

Santana was doing her best to hold her ground, try to sway Brittany to do something else, but she was quickly losing her footing. Brittany was totally working her now, signature pout and all, but if Brittany was going for Santana's weaknesses then she could do the same.

"We have _other_ traditions too," Santana husked and flashed a seductive grin, "Traditions that involve a lot less layers and a lot more-"

"Nope," Brittany swiftly cut her off though she seemed to stop and think about Santana's potential proposition for a moment before ultimately shaking her head, "No. I will not be swayed by your sweet, sweet lady kisses. I stand by my choice."

Brittany really could be stubborn when she wanted and Santana knew she was bound to agree because denying Brittany anything was apparently impossible for her to do. She blames it on the Christmas Spirit, but really she's a sucker for Brittany no matter the season.

Still, she wanted to see how far Brittany would go to convince her so she stayed silent, seemingly looking unmoved by Brittany's reasoning.

"I don't know, Britt.." Santana replied with a long sigh.

The blonde just gave her that same small smile that always made Santana's knees shake. Her voice dipped down low as she took a step into Santana's space, eyes a darker shade of blue than before, "Come on…for me?"

There was something about the way Brittany asked that had Santana gulping. She was always great at mixing sexy with the sweet, it was like Santana's kryptonite and she was convinced Brittany knew it too.

Before she could even say anything, Brittany continued, "I've only got a couple more days to spend with you until I leave for San Fran. Don't you wanna have something to remember me by?"

Santana looked to Brittany fondly; first it was the sexy and now it was the sweet. It was like Brittany's one-two punch that left Santana in a puddle on the floor.

"You're not going to be gone forever," Santana said dismissively, fighting back a smile.

"Two weeks is a long time, Santana…"

When Brittany proceeded to bat her eyelashes accompanied by her infamous pout, Santana couldn't help but snicker and roll her eyes. She really did have Santana wrapped around her pinky, huh?

"Okay, okay. Enough with the pout!" Santana finally said with a chuckle, "We can go, but we're going to have to change into something warmer and-"

Brittany cheered and quickly wrapped Santana up in a tight hug before moving to press kisses all over her face, "This is going to be so much fun!"

\\\

And it _so_ was, even if they did fall on their asses a couple of times.

Santana was so damn cold, she couldn't feel anything anyway but braving the temperature was so worth it when she was with Brittany. She always thought the blonde was beautiful, but illuminated by fairy lights and sprinkled with new fallen snow was something entirely different.

Brittany was glowing.

Santana couldn't help but stare which might've been the reason why they fell on their asses so many times. Everything about Brittany was distracting; the way she sang to the Christmas music blaring from the speakers, the burst of laughter after she'd nearly fall, the feel of her gloved hand in hers, or that look in her eye whenever she'd catch Santana staring.

She felt like they had been transported right back to the start, back when they first started going on outings like this together without any boys to get in the way and they could just be themselves.

Well, as close to themselves as they could. Back then, there was always this voice in the back of Santana's mind that never let her truly get to the point she is now. She was too preoccupied by the _talks and the looks_ that she sometimes missed out on moments like this, of true happiness.

That's not the case now though, everything felt so new, like she was experiencing it all for the first time again. For a moment, she regretted depriving her younger self of this feeling but she quickly realized she couldn't help herself then. She wasn't ready, but she is now and she's not going to waste a moment of it.

Santana lost count of how many times they rounded the rink and they probably would've gone longer if the Zamboni didn't roll out. Once they wobbled their way off the ice and switched back into their regular shoes, they headed over to the rental counter to turn their skates in.

Although Santana had been hesitant at first, she was actually having a lot of fun with Brittany and didn't really want it to end so soon. When Santana caught Brittany glancing over at the kiosk near the entrance of the Christmas tree farm, she figured there might be another way to drag their time spent together out a little longer.

"Hot chocolate?" Santana asked although she already knew the answer.

Brittany beamed, "Duh."

Santana just chuckled and looped her arm with Brittany's before making the short walk over.

\\\

They end up taking a walk through the Christmas tree farm while they sip on their hot chocolates. It's nothing but the scent of fresh pine and the sound of Christmas music playing in the distance while they walk under the glow of the fairy lights strung up above them. Their shoulders bump every so often as they step in sync, their hands busy with trying to absorb the warmth of their cups.

They walk in silence, but it's comfortable. Brittany started to hum as _Christmas Wrapping_ began to play and it only makes Santana smile fondly at the memory of them dancing with streamers to that exact song. For a moment, she wonders where they all are now – the rest of the Glee club kids – and she hopes they're happy.

Just as she is now with Brittany by her side.

"Have you put up your tree yet?" Brittany asks, pulling Santana from her walk down memory lane.

Santana shakes her head, "Not yet which is surprising. You know how much my mom loves to decorate. She loves the holidays."

The way the words fall sound like Santana's trying to be dismissive and it makes Brittany chuckle. She looks to her side and finds the blonde side-eying her with a smirk.

"You love it just as much," Brittany tells her, "I bet you think I didn't notice your Christmas themed socks when we were putting on our skates earlier."

Santana's lips part to reply but nothing comes out. Nothing gets pass Brittany apparently.

"Don't worry," Brittany chuckles and bumps her shoulder with Santana's, "I think they're super cute."

Santana grins with the shake of her head as Brittany sips on her drink, "I think my mom's waiting on getting a real tree before she starts decorating. She has just been too busy with work to go out and get one."

"Why don't you get one now?" Brittany suggests with a shrug, "I mean, we're literally walking through a Christmas tree farm as we speak. I can even help you pick the perfect one!"

Santana lets the thought roll around, but she'd be lying if a swarm of butterflies didn't start going wild at the sound of Brittany's offer. There's something domestic about doing something like that with Brittany and Santana can't help the smile from spreading.

"Are you okay with strapping one to your car?" She asks.

"Totally," Brittany bounces on her toes then drags Santana off down an aisle, "I saw some good ones over here."

Santana just let's Brittany lead the way, letting her point out the best trees in her opinion based on shape, color, variety. There's so much excitement and Santana wonders how much of it has to do with the sugary hot chocolate until Brittany catches her eye.

The blonde pauses and drops the hand she had toying with the tips of a Douglas Fir to her side as her smile softens.

"Sorry, I've missed doing things like this," Brittany apologizes through a shy smile, "I haven't done it in awhile."

"Neither have I," Santana tells her, "Usually my mom flies to New York for the holidays and my apartment wasn't really big enough for a whole tree so I just had a little tabletop one."

Brittany nods, watching Santana like she's the only girl in the world. It makes her feel vulnerable for some reason and she reaches out to touch the pines Brittany had been toying with before.

"New York must look really pretty during the holidays," Brittany comments and there's something there beneath the surface that Santana can't quite grasp. Could it be nostalgia or remorse? She's not sure.

"It is," Santana confirms and catches Brittany's eye. The words fall before she can even think them through, "I'll show you next year."

It's short and sweet and to the point, but it means so much more. It's reassurance that whatever they're doing now is going to lead to something great and that there's a future for them.

Then Brittany smiles one of Santana's favorite kind like it's just for her and it's infectious. It warms her heart to see it and before she can say anything else, Brittany's leaning in for a kiss.

She tastes like peppermint chapstick and chocolate and Santana can't help but smile against her soft lips.

"I can't wait," Brittany says just a breath away.

Santana just nods and leans back in for another sweet kiss.

\\\

After settling on the most perfect tree awhile later, they're sitting on a bench together watching a couple of guys strap the tree down on top of Brittany's car. They've been so preoccupied with searching for a tree and stealing kisses that they hadn't realized they've worked up quite an appetite.

A single hot chocolate probably isn't going to cut it now that it's nearing dinner time, but Santana remembers what day it is and goes to make a suggestion.

"It's 50% off entrees at Breadstix tonight," Santana begins casually, "Wanna get dinner with me?"

In that moment, Santana doesn't realize it would be the first time they've had dinner with it just being the two of them since Quinn usually tagged along after practice. Santana's too distracted by the rumbling in her stomach and that she hasn't eaten anything since lunch – which was about 7 hours ago now – to notice though.

Brittany looks a little surprised by the question but it quickly disappears and turns into a wide grin, "Yeah, sure. Breadstix sounds great!"

\\\

Santana still doesn't realize what's happening when the waitress guides the pair to a familiar booth in the center of the restaurant. The woman smiles at them as they sit on opposite sides of the table and guesses their drink orders correctly. Santana doesn't think it's such an amazing feat, the woman's been waitressing there since the beginning of time so she was bound to remember at some point.

They go on to browse the menu as if they don't already know what they're getting. Over their frequent visits to Breadstix, they've both adopted their favorites and rarely deviate from them. When the waitress returns with their drinks and a basket filled with twice as much breadsticks than what's usually served, she's not surprised by their order either.

They really are such creatures of habit and that thought is only further confirmed when Brittany pushes the basket of breadsticks closer to Santana's side of the table. Santana grins happily and nibbles away like nothing has changed.

But she does sense something different with Brittany that she can't quite place. She noticed it in the car ride over and maybe even before they left the ice rink. It's not anything unsettling, it's just _different_ and Santana can't figure out what it is. She's quiet, almost shy, and Santana can't help but wonder why.

She chooses not to linger on it though and instead focus on enjoying Brittany's company.

\\\

They fall into conversation easily, replaying the events at the ice rink and trying to debate who is the better skater. It gets pretty heated in the best of ways, but they ultimately agree to disagree and move on to the topic of Brittany's upcoming trip.

"Have you started packing yet?" Santana asks before taking a bite of her salad.

Brittany shrugs as pokes her fork through a piece of shrimp, "A little bit. You know how I am, I like waiting until the last minute."

"Yes. I remember," Santana sighed then began to laugh, "It use to stress me out so much."

"I work best under pressure," Brittany chuckled.

"Of course, you do." Santana nodded, "So are you excited to see your parents? How long has it been since the last time anyway?"

When Brittany's smile falls slightly, Santana knows instantly that she's hit a nerve.

"A little over a year and a half now," Brittany tells her and it sounds like there's sadness in her tone.

Santana can only imagine, Brittany's family was always pretty close. But as the words settle, they remind her of something Brittany once said and she racks her brain for the connection until it finally clicks.

"Wait a second, you haven't seen them since they moved?" Santana asks.

Brittany shakes her head, still looking down at her plate. She stays quiet and Santana wonders if she should ask why, but she's worried she'll cross a line. Maybe this isn't something Brittany wants to talk about? It sure doesn't look like she does, but Brittany soon breaks her silence.

"Things got really weird when I went off to MIT," Brittany admits softly, "Dad lost his job and he had a really hard time finding another. Mom was trying to cover everything but she didn't make nearly enough as he did. My uncle ended up reaching out at the last minute and offered my dad a job with him but that meant they'd need to move to California. They didn't really have a choice since they had fallen behind on their bills."

Santana swallowed hard. She had no idea Brittany had been dealing with this, but kept quiet as Brittany continued.

"At the time, I didn't know anything. I was deep in my studies at MIT then one day," Brittany pauses looking a little flustered, "They didn't tell me about having to put the house up for sale until it was already sold."

Santana's jaw dropped, "What? Why would they keep that from you?"

"I don't know. They started acting really weird and distant but I thought that maybe I had been reading into it too much and things were fine? Like maybe I was just looking for a reason to quit and come home?" Brittany shook her head, "They kept me in the dark the whole time, refused to tell me anything until the very last minute. They said it was because they didn't want to worry me while I was in school. When I came home for Spring Break, everything was already packed up except for my room."

Santana was shocked. She loved the Pierces, she really did but they didn't always treat Brittany like she deserved to be treated. Santana noticed early on that Brittany's wellbeing wasn't always a priority and often times they left her to fend for herself but she didn't expect something like this. Brittany grew up in that house, it was her childhood home, so she knew that it would've been hard to see it go.

"I'm so sorry, Britt." Santana says helplessly, "I don't even know what to say, I had no idea."

"That was a really weird time in my life, you wouldn't have none. No one would've," Brittany shrugs but she looks too deep in thought now, "I'm fine with it now, I guess. They had to do what they had to do so I get it. I just wish they would've told me sooner, you know? I could've helped somehow, maybe I could've deferred and moved back? I could've got a job somewhere and I could've helped them save the house? I don't know."

Santana softens at the sound of Brittany's voice cracking, like she's barely holding it together and she starts to wonder how much else she doesn't know? It seems Brittany has kept everything hidden beneath the surface and that worries Santana, because she knows firsthand what that can do to a person.

"When I came home and everything was already packed up," Brittany starts again sadly, "I felt so strange. It reminded me of seeing your bedroom emptied out before you left for Louisville and I guess that thought triggered some other feelings. They kept me in the dark for so long and then were ready to up and leave like nothing happened. I felt…so alone, forgotten, like I was left behind."

That pulls a something within Santana and it makes her heart ache for Brittany. She remembers those words from so long ago _You left me behind and it hurt_. That was the exact moment Santana thought she had to make change, for Brittany's sake. Who would've known that her decision would be a huge mistake.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the mood." Brittany says in place of Santana's silence, but Santana's quick to dismiss the apology.

"Don't be," Santana tells her earnestly and she reaches across the table to find Brittany's hand to hold, "You haven't ruined anything. I like learning these things, we've missed so much of each other's lives. I want to know the _you_ that you are now, even if that includes the not-so-happy moments too."

It takes Brittany a moment to be convinced but soon a small smile makes its way onto her lips, "Okay good, because touching on this topic of conversation isn't exactly how I pictured our first date going."

Santana freezes and her eyes widen a little, "Wait, what?"

Brittany's brows scrunch at the question, "Isn't that…what this is?"

Santana blinks and she can feel heat rise up the back of her neck while Brittany begins to smile at the look of confusion on Santana's face.

"Oh honey…" Brittany sighs lovingly, "Did you not realize you had asked me on a date?"

Santana flushes and tries to remember every action that led to this moment, but she struggles after hearing Brittany call her _honey_. It makes her feel soft in a way that reminds her of their quiet moments alone but she focuses back on how she managed to miss something as big as accidentally asking Brittany on a date.

Brittany notices and begins to fill in the blanks for her.

"You asked me to have dinner with you. It's Friday night which was always our date night and we're at Breadstix and sitting in _our_ booth. Even the waitress recognized us," Brittany lists and the smile on her face only grows, "I even ordered shrimp. That should've been a dead giveaway."

Santana's lips part to defend herself but she stops and begins to smile, "Oh my God, you're right. How did I let this happen?"

When Brittany struggles to hide her laugher, Santana looks to her and squints her eyes. She can't tell whether or not Brittany's laughing _with her_ or _at her_ but in the most loving way possible.

"What's so funny?" Santana questions, a smile threatening to mimic Brittany's, "I had big plans for our official first date, Britt. There was a swanky restaurant and fancy wine, I was going to sweep you off your feet."

Brittany lets out a sigh as she shakes her head, "Some things really don't change do they?"

Santana frowns a little and asks, "What does that mean?"

"It means that _this_ ," Brittany gestures from Santana to herself, "Comes so naturally to you that you don't even realize you're doing it. It's why I've said that I don't really need all the grand gestures. Don't get me wrong, they're awesome and I love how much thought you put into our first date. Your thoughtfulness is one of my favorite things about you."

Santana smiles down at her plate bashfully at the compliment.

"But you don't have to convince me of anything, Santana, you already sweep me off my feet," Brittany tells her simply, "You always have."

Santana watches as Brittany brings Santana's hand to rest across the table, their fingers threading instinctively. She's still thinking about what Brittany said, but seeing their hands like this laid across _this_ table brings back so many memories. She thinks about hiding beneath red napkins and the fear of being caught and how she's evolved since then.

All she feels now is love, so much love.

Brittany's right about some things going unchanged, but being able to hold her hand like this in such a public place without a care in the world isn't one of them. When Brittany catches Santana's eye and looks to their joined hands, Santana knows she understands the significance of it all.

In a way, it's like they've come full circle.

"When did you get so charming?" Santana sighs.

Brittany just lifts a shoulder and bites on her bottom lip.

\\\

Their conversation turns into something lighter as they continue with their meals, touching back on the topic of Brittany's upcoming trip.

"Did you need a ride to the airport?" Santana asks before taking a bite.

Brittany began to smirk, "Are you offering?"

"Maybe," Santana matches her smirk, "What time's your flight again?"

Brittany's smirk falls and turns into a nervous grin, "Early?"

Santana scrunches her nose, "Ew, nevermind."

Brittany gasped and watched Santana start to laugh.

"I'm joking," Santana clarifies, "I'll take you."

"You sure?" Brittany questions shyly as she poked around her plate, "It's really early. I think you might just have to spend the night."

Santana blinked at the suggestion and began to smile as she quirked her brow, "Oh really?"

"Definitely," Brittany answered with certainty, "I know how easy it is for you to sleep through an alarm. Can't take that risk."

It was Santana's turn to gasp and watch Brittany begin to laugh.

"Just because I don't believe in waking up before noon doesn't mean I can't if I had to," Santana tries to defend herself but it just makes Brittany laugh harder. Santana only shakes her head as Brittany's cheeks pink, "You just wanna get me in a bed with you again."

Brittany instantly stops and deadpans, "Who said I'd let you share? I was thinking you'd stay on the couch."

Santana gasps again and this time she's the one with a flushed face. She feels so embarrassed for assuming but before she could spiral out Brittany's smirk softens and she reaches across the table to touch Santana's wrist.

"I'm joking," Brittany says then her voice dips down lower as she leans in, "You know I'll take any opportunity I can to get you into my bed."

Santana's jaw drops at the suggestive tone but the glint her Brittany's eye let's her know she's still teasing so she shakes her head at the blonde, "You're going to be the death of me, Pierce."

Brittany just winked before finishing off the rest of her shrimp alfredo.

\\\

After fighting over the bill for a good 10 minutes – a fight Santana ultimately won – they're on their way back to Brittany's car. There's a thin layer of freshly fallen snow and Santana nuzzles further into her scarf in hopes of hiding from the chilly winter air.

"Oh look," Brittany points out as the come up to her car, "No one stole your tree!"

"What a relief," Santana chuckles and they quickly climb inside.

They sit shivering and rubbing their hands together for warmth while Brittany's car heats up. There's a layer of frost covering the windows that shield them from the outside world, not that there's anyone around to see them anyway. They were probably one of the last tables in the whole restaurant.

Santana hasn't really stopped thinking about what Brittany told her earlier, and her thoughts begin to wander. She thinks about what Brittany must've been like during college although it seems like she avoids the topic of MIT like the plague, she can't help but wonder why that is.

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany asks quietly.

When Santana glances over, Brittany's already staring back curiously. She bites her lip, trying to decide whether or not she wants to ask that burning question. Brittany's been pretty open all night, so maybe she'd indulge Santana? Wouldn't hurt to ask, right?

"Can I ask you something?" Santana starts off slow.

"Uh-oh," Brittany teases although there's a little hesitance as her eyes shift to the buttons of her radio, "Sure."

Santana swallows and tries to come up with the perfect question, but the curiosity gets the best of her and the words tumble out, "How come you don't talk about your time at MIT?"

Brittany shrugs and Santana can already tell Brittany doesn't want to talk about it. Surprisingly though, she answers.

"Probably the same reason you don't talk about your school," Brittany answers, "It happened a lifetime ago."

"But still," Santana tries, " _I'd_ like to know about your time spent there. I didn't even know that was a school you wanted to go to. You never brought it up before."

"That's because it was never an option," Brittany says, "At least, I didn't _want_ it to be one."

Santana frowns at Brittany's dismissive words, "Why? It's MIT, that's so prestigious."

"Exactly, and no one ever talks about the stress that comes with going to a place like that," Brittany replies, "My schedule was crazy busy. I never got enough sleep. I was tired and cranky and overworked practically the whole time. I hated it."

Santana slumps in her seat at the honesty.

"It all happened so quickly," Brittany explains, "One minute I was gearing up for Regionals then the next I was solving the worlds' problems or whatever. It was hard and I was so…lonely. I found myself wanting to call you so many times, I just missed you so much, but I could never bring myself to make the call. I didn't want you to think I was pathetic or something, being homesick and lonely after like the first week."

"I would never," Santana frowns and reaches over to hold Brittany's hand.

"I know. I think a part of me just wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it," Brittany tells her as she draws shapes at the back of Santana's hand, "I focused on my studies and worked my ass off. Soon word got around campus about my SAT scores and I was able to get a tutoring job which surprised everyone back in Lima."

"Naturally," Santana scoffed, "Those dumbasses wouldn't know genius if it backhanded them across the face."

Brittany chuckles at that and smiles fondly at Santana, "You believed in me before anyone else."

Santana meets Brittany's gaze and grins timidly, "Of course, I did. You're a genius, Britt."

"Yeah, the people at MIT thought so too. It was so _different_ to be around people that didn't just see me as the _ditzy blonde cheerleader_ ," Brittany continues, "People actually wanted my help and the tutoring gig paid so well because there are a tone of desperate rich kids at MIT just wanting to keep their grades up. I was doing well, I thought that maybe I had finally left high school behind me and I thought that I was almost caught up to you."

Santana's smile falters as does Brittany's.

"But I didn't realize that meant losing all the best parts of myself though," Brittany says solemnly, "After everything with the house happened, I started pushing people away. I never went out unless it was for class or a tutoring session. I got so engrossed in my work that it was all I did. I even stopped dancing, I just didn't have time for it anymore. I don't think you would've liked me, I was horrible."

"Horrible? I can't picture it," Santana replies but Brittany just shrugs.

"You've just have to believe me," Brittany tell her, "Surprisingly, Sam was the only one that stuck around even when I was being a complete ass to everyone. I know you don't like him, but he was a good friend to me during that time."

"I never said I didn't like him," Santana chuckles, "But I'm glad you had him. I wish I could've been there for you too."

Brittany just shrugs again before moving to turn on the defroster. Santana takes her silence as the end of that topic and doesn't push any further. She doesn't really see the need to, Brittany's told her more than enough and she's thankful for the new insight.

\\\

On the car ride back to Maribel's, they sing along to Christmas songs on the radio and the seriousness from earlier is long gone. It's nothing but smiles and laughter as they pull into the driveway.

"I'll help you get the tree inside," Brittany offers and they move around trying to figure out how that'll happen with all the straps and buckles in place. Brittany ends up figuring it out and the two carry the tree up to the doorstep.

Before Santana can get her key into the lock, Maribel's opening the door wearing a great big smile.

"What is this?" She asks eyeing both of the girls then the tree between them.

"Hi Maribel," Brittany greets happily.

"We bought a tree," Santana supplies.

"I can see that," Maribel chuckles then quickly waves for them to come inside, "Get in here, you're letting the cold in."

Santana and Brittany shuffle inside, balancing the weight of the tree between them, while Maribel directs the girls on where to go. She's so giddy and although it's nearly 9pm, Maribel's already rummaging through a couple boxes of decorations.

"Mami, do you have to start tonight?" Santana teases, "We've got all the time after practice tomorrow to help."

"We?" Brittany asks, looking to Santana, "As in me too?"

"Well yeah, if you want to," Santana smiles at Brittany's disbelief, "I don't know what that look's for. You helped pick the tree, you can help decorate too."

Brittany smiles bashfully and all Santana wants to do is cover her face in kisses, but Maribel's standing right there and she doesn't exactly know the specifics of their relationship. Instead, Santana's bumps her shoulder with Brittany's until the both giggle.

"Yes! We can have a little early Christmas since you'll be away, Brittany," Maribel interrupts, smiling affectionately at the two, "I'm sure Santana will love that."

Santana instantly turns red at Maribel's suggestive tone. She's sure that Brittany picks up on it too as she and Maribel share a knowing look. Sometimes she really hates how close they are, and by _hate_ she means absolutely adores.

"I'd love to help," Brittany grins, "But I better head home soon before the snow gets any heavier."

"True," Maribel nods, "You be careful driving home."

"I will."

"I'll walk you out," Santana says and follows Brittany all the way to her car.

"Oh, how kind of you!" Brittany teases as Santana gets the door for her, but she doesn't get in just yet. Instead, she turns and faces Santana, her back pressed against the doorframe. Her eyes dart between Santana's as a snowflake catches on her eyelash.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Santana tells her.

Brittany nods, "Yeah, me too."

"And I really appreciate all of the things you told me," Santana adds, "About your parents and MIT. I know you don't really like talking about it, but I'm really glad you told me."

Brittany doesn't say anything, her expressions are almost unreadable, but Santana doesn't take that to heart. Instead, she gets to thinking about something and wonders if Brittany might hear her better if it were done in a different way. She thinks about Piano Brad and the choir room and gears begin to churn.

It clicks in an instant, but she contains herself for now.

"Drive safely, okay?" Santana says and reaches to fluff up Brittany's scarf, "Maybe text me when you get home so I know you made it."

"I can do that," Brittany grin grows as Santana continues fussing over her, "You know, I do have heat in my car."

Santana realizes what she's doing and quickly drops her hands with a blush, "Sorry, old habits I guess."

"You're cute," Brittany chuckles and leans down for a kiss.

It happens too quickly for Santana's liking, so she grabs onto Brittany's scarf and tugs her back down. She can feel the smile spread across Brittany's lips against her own and it makes her heart melt. She really can't get enough of her, especially after the day they've had.

When they finally manage to pull away, there's a dazed look in their eyes that makes Santana bite her lip, "Okay, go home before I change my mind and try to convince you to stay."

"You wouldn't have to try very hard," Brittany giggles but moves to get behind the wheel. She glances back up at Santana, smile as big and as bright as ever, "I'll see you tomorrow, Santana."

Santana matches the grin Brittany wears, "I'll see you tomorrow, Britt."

\\\

That night – after receiving Brittany's text that she got home safely – Santana scrolls through playlist after playlist until her eyes grow weary. She's not sure what she's looking for just yet, but she'll know when she hears it. Afterall, it has to be perfect considering what happened the last time she sang to Brittany in the place where they first fell in love.

* * *

 **A/N - I didn't think I would be ready to write so soon, but carrying on these stories and continuing to write about Santana and Brittany's love is just something I can do to honor Naya's legacy. My heart has felt so heavy for the past week, but each day it gets easier. Her impact knows no bounds and I will miss her dearly. I hope everyone's taking care of themselves and that this updates puts a smile on your face even if it's just for a moment.**


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